[INTP] The ideal romantic relationship

The ideal romantic relationship

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This is a discussion on The ideal romantic relationship within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I'm currently questioning my romantic wants and needs, not being able to really discern what I think I need and ...

  1. #1
    Unknown


    The ideal romantic relationship

    I'm currently questioning my romantic wants and needs, not being able to really discern what I think I need and what I really need. So I'm here fishing for extra point of views.

    What would be your ideal romance ?
    What would you expect from your partner ? How would s.he contribute to your happiness ?
    What needs would fill a romance, and how ?
    What would be your ideal plans for your future ?
    Your ideal lifestyle ?

    I would very happy to hear your inputs.
    BigApplePi thanked this post.



  2. #2

    First of all, ideal doesnt exist and its not a good idea to focus on your ideal when looking for a partner because nobody will come close.
    However, you can be very compatible with someone, sparks fly, they seem like your ideal match and later it falls apart.
    I can say my marriage resembles ideal and to outsiders looks perfect, but I later found the skeletons in my husbands closet after being married for 7 years and they were literally my worst nightmare. I chose to stck it out and work through the disaster and now things are pretty good.
    So, ideal to me is someone who is has a lot of integrity, who is into Jesus as much as I am or more, who is as intelligent as I am or more, has a great sense of humor, takes care of their body, who is not afraid to grow and learn with me both emotionally and mentally, has to be brave, and allow me to have my career.
    I am living my ideal life right now. Im a Physician assistant who works in orthopedics (its new to me but when I get bored, I can just change specialties). I have someone clean our house once a week. My neighbor is a personal chef who cooks paleo for me. I just started working out 2 times a week (previosly very athletic), I have a daughter, and a pretty good relationship with my husband (but he put me through hell for about 2 years). My health is recovering from several debilitating chronic diseases.
    All that I have is by the grace of God. Just know that all of this sounds "perfect" but I have literallt been through hell since 2015 and life is just now getting better.
    Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it and realize it comes at a tremendous cost. By the way, im INTP and my husband is ENTJ if you were curious.
    I have become like a wise old sage in 4 years.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Cobble View Post
    What would you expect from your partner ?
    I always find it interesting (perhaps even telling...though of what exactly I'm uncertain) that in threads like these people focus on what they want in another person, but nothing much is ever said about what they're doing to become a good/better partner themselves.
    knife, ethylene and Senah thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Touche Napoleptic! True.

  5. #5
    Unknown


    INTPs all around the world, if we could stick to the questions asked in the opening thread, I would be very grateful.
    stathamspeacoat thanked this post.

  6. #6
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Cobble View Post
    INTPs all around the world, if we could stick to the questions asked in the opening thread, I would be very grateful.
    But you opened with a catch 22.

    A clear-eyed, non-idealistic worldview tops the list and romance is extrinsic to this.
    ethylene, Eryngo and stathamspeacoat thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Cobble View Post
    INTPs all around the world, if we could stick to the questions asked in the opening thread, I would be very grateful.
    It's easy for anyone who is fond of Ne to go off topic, lol.



    Quote Originally Posted by Napoleptic View Post
    I always find it interesting (perhaps even telling...though of what exactly I'm uncertain) that in threads like these people focus on what they want in another person, but nothing much is ever said about what they're doing to become a good/better partner themselves.
    A partner is not a thing. I don't believe one can ever have a relationship with a human being of anything beyond the surface unless its a joint thing with feedback you listen to. But how does one do that?



    Just for context, I've been married over 30 years.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cobble View Post
    I'm currently questioning my romantic wants and needs, not being able to really discern what I think I need and what I really need. So I'm here fishing for extra point of views.

    What would be your ideal romance
    One where we exchange activities and keep going.



    What would you expect from your partner ? How would s.he contribute to your happiness ?
    What needs would fill a romance, and how ?
    Same as above. Subject matter doesn't matter much. That we listen to each other except when we need to do our own thing.



    What would be your ideal plans for your future ?
    Your ideal lifestyle ?
    Right now my wife wants to upgrade our apartment. I don't and don't want to spend the money. So we are having some fun looking at new open apartments the last few weeks. She senses I'm dragging my feet but neigher of us knows what we will do. I'm hoping to wear her out but she may up the pressure. I don't know what will happen ... if we'll have a conflict or not.



    I would very happy to hear your inputs.
    At least you have something now.
    Cobble, stathamspeacoat and AnneM thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INTP


    Quote Originally Posted by DarkBarlow View Post
    But you opened with a catch 22.

    A clear-eyed, non-idealistic worldview tops the list and romance is extrinsic to this.
    Funny, I had the same reaction, but from the opposite angle:

    Believing you have any say or control in the most meaningful things, or that you would even be the best judge of what's actually best for you if you had, is a non-starter. To me, the primary qualification is seeing these questions and thinking, "how on Earth would I know? Do I know every person, even every kind of person? Surprise me."

    But I get it; I used to be where s/he is. It's a very INTP question. Asking it probably just prohibits the right answer.
    DarkBarlow, ethylene and stathamspeacoat thanked this post.

  9. #9
    Unknown


    Sigh. I was asking for you people to tap in your desires, even childish ones, and share about it.
    Not to discuss the definition/viability/whatsoever of desires, ideal, romance, and pinpoint the correlation of each all. Nor to question the questions. I guess I had too much expectation. I feel disappointed nonetheless.
    The NF forum will probably be a better fit for that.

    Thank you, for those who answered to the actual questions.

    (Subscription deleted)
    Last edited by Cobble; 10-11-2019 at 07:26 AM.
    Euclid thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INTP


    Oh! Sorry, yes, you're right, everybody has childish desires. Here you go:



    It's taken me many years to curb the urge to put pepper in tea, but I'm getting there.
    DarkBarlow and stathamspeacoat thanked this post.


     
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