[INTP] Does it make it worse

Does it make it worse

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This is a discussion on Does it make it worse within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Okay, so I've liked this boy for a while. I mean really liked, and this is the first time I've ...

  1. #1
    Unknown Personality

    Does it make it worse

    Okay, so I've liked this boy for a while. I mean really liked, and this is the first time I've liked someone so much. We were in a play together, and everyone in theater is all "huggy" which was new for me to begin with. He invited me to a few get together and I did the same in return. That's where the confusion began.

    I thought he liked me too, partially because one of his friends told me he did, partially because he seemed to be all flirty with me. I asked him out one day, and he said he didn't want a girlfriend at that time, so since one of his friends said he liked me, and he was flirty and such, I thought that it was just that.

    Now, at the cast party he seemed to be kind of ignoring me, or at least not noticing me. He still talked to me for a bit, but was too concerned with his other friends to dance with me or whatever. I went up to that same friends who told me that he liked me, and asked her if he did like me (note that Alex[the boy] and Liz had been friends since 1st grade), and she said that I should talk to him because she didn't even know anymore.

    So I pulled him to the side and told him that he should just tell me if he didn't like me, and he said that he didn't like me, but liked me as a friend. I said okay, and kind of walked away. My friends Carson was standing by where I was walking and she noticed that I was sort of crying, though no real tears, more just glisten-y eyes. So Liz and Carson went outside and calmed me down a bit.

    Okay, so now I get to the question. When I was leaving, and came up to me and hugged me and told me "I’m so sorry". This made me start getting worked up again.

    To me, it seems like the nicer people are, the worse it hurts when things like this happen. I thinks it's partially because it's hard to tell if it's pity, or if it's just the "you can see but not touch" aspect of it.

    Your thoughts?
    Entr0py thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown

    I experienced the same with a girl, she seemed interested in me and she even agreed to come over to my place to watch a movie together... but when we started getting intimate she literally ran away! She later told me that she hadn't really ended her relationship with her ex-boyfriend at the time, but was afaid to tell me because it might have hurt my feelings. Apparently it never occured to her that running away on the moment we were about to make love would be even more hurtful than telling me that she didn't like me on forehand. I was depressed for the rest of the summer.

    So yeah, the nicer people get the more it hurts.

  3. #3
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I believe he's attracted to you, but doesn't want to pursue anything at this time for whatever reason. He also seems to be genuinely concerned for your well-being, as I believe that he purposely avoided you so as to not arouse lovey-dovey emotions between you and him, but he still interacted with you to show that he is more than happy to be friends. I do agree that "the-nicer-the-more-it-hurts" because it's essentially frustration as a result of trying to process diametrically opposed emotions using Fi, our weakest function, as being nice seemed to only enforce your love for him, yet you knew that what you had to do at the time was emotionally dis-attach. “Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.”
    darksoul thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Yeah, if he wasn't too nice about it, it would be easier to change your mind and just forget about him. The fact that he's saying sorry means that he is concerned and didn't mean to offend you. Very conflicting. It just confuses you more.

    I agree with what JoniF said. I actually did this to I guy I once knew, I really feel bad now :( The chemistry was intense, I was very attracted to him and he responded positively. I didn't want much of my feelings to show so I disconnected from him. He made me feel really vulnerable I guess, as I sometimes feel threatened by intimacy. I can be very afraid of it. I didn't hear anything from him after that so I don't know if it hurt him or not. If it did, I didn't really mean to and it hurt me as well since he did mean a lot to me. (I would elaborate but it's probably best to take it to a new thread.) Your boy has his own reasons as well, and he might need a little time to think about it. Good luck!

  5. #5
    INTP - The Thinkers

    One of my friends, when I'm upset or feeling depressed, he'll ask me if I'm okay or what's wrong, and...I can't stand it when he does that. I don't know why but whatever is wrong, it just makes it that much worse. I get all worked up again, like Radiant Flux said, I dunno why.

    I don't like when people are nice to me. If something's wrong, it only makes it hurt worse. I really want people to just be rude and mean, and yell at me, so I can yell back and have a reason to hate them. So that when they leave me it won't hurt as much. I can just forget about it and move on. It's much easier to hate.
    Radiant Flux thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by AkiKaza View Post
    It's much easier to hate.
    Exactly. I don't know why but it's much easier to hate than to love. Sounds sad, but to me it's a handy defense mechanism.

  7. #7
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Your situation is somewhat what happened to me. But I was the guy in your story...

    I am just so scared of a relationship that I become avoidant if I even suspect some girl (that I like) might have some feelings for me...

    Im only 17y.o. So I really hope il change soon

    P.S. Generally I am not avoidant at all, I'm quiet engadeing and fun to be with (at least thats what people say). And I ain't shy with girls I like. I can hug them,
    be nice, polite and all. But I totally freeze if I see some girl wants something more then a close friendship.



    - Confession of an INTP

  8. #8
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by AkiKaza View Post
    One of my friends, when I'm upset or feeling depressed, he'll ask me if I'm okay or what's wrong, and...I can't stand it when he does that. I don't know why but whatever is wrong, it just makes it that much worse. I get all worked up again, like Radiant Flux said, I dunno why.

    I don't like when people are nice to me. If something's wrong, it only makes it hurt worse. I really want people to just be rude and mean, and yell at me, so I can yell back and have a reason to hate them. So that when they leave me it won't hurt as much. I can just forget about it and move on. It's much easier to hate.
    I agree completely.

  9. #9
    Unknown Personality


    The only one who knows for sure whats up is the guy in this story. And all we can do is not make those same mistakes in dealing with people, and learn from these things: Its important to be straightforward with people and let them know where they stand or they will become confused and emotional.
    darksoul thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Unknown Personality

    This happened to me too. He lied about having a girlfriend. I don't see why he couldn't have just said, "I don't like you like that." or "I'm interested in someone else right now." And then he started talking to me even more than he was before. wtf.

    How long did you know him, Radiant Flux?
    With this guy, I didn't know him very well when I liked him, and as I see him more I notice that he is kind of egotistical and annoying. If we dated, we would have broken up anyway, and knowing that makes me feel better. Also, I met someone else a little after he rejected me.


     
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