dating for INTP

dating for INTP

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This is a discussion on dating for INTP within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Glad I found this forum. I'm INTP and I have never been out on a date. I'm very confidence. So ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    dating for INTP

    Glad I found this forum. I'm INTP and I have never been out on a date. I'm very confidence. So I asked out many girls but 0% success. I went to parties. 0%. I tried different method, just tell them how i really felt. That didn't work either.

    0% rate is really starting to bother me. I mean I been asking girls out for couple years now. I don't sound "desperate". I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me. I'm a great guy to be with. I know I can be very quite and socially awaward.

    This is how things goes mostly.
    1. start a conversation (it can be anything depending on the situation).
    2. small talk 5-10minutes usually but can be longer or shorter depending on situation
    3. ask em out on a date if i want to get to know them little bit more.
    4. usually they smile and give em their number
    5. i call them 2 days later ( I wait two days cause i don't want to look desperate or anything)
    6. phone is either off or they don't pick up. I leave a message and if they call then it's a date if they don't call than i forget about it cause i'm not gonna call them and leave bunch of messages.
    7. If they do pick up, small talk for like a minute or two," how are you" or "remember me". than i say are you free friday night, they say no. than they say " I'll call you when I have free time" They never call.

    Suprising I have never gotten a fake number. I even asked for a girls number I just met. I walked up to her and talked for like a minute and asked for her number. at first she was like WTF face but she gave me her number.

    oh being "friends" first doesn't work with me btw. don't ask why it's just not logic

    Like i said, i tried everything i went to a party hit on drunk girls for one night stand and that didn't work.



  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Hi, refreshe. I don't know if I speak for all girls on this but if I were to give a chap my number only for them to call me 2 days later I would assume that he had already tried calling the other girls he had also given numbers to before me. The next day would be fine. Is it just at parties that you ask girls out? How old are you? Again I might be speaking for myself here but I prefer to get to know & be comfortable with someone which I assume would be your "friends" thing. How do you go about asking them for a date? Are you persistent? If so they might just give you their numbers to get you off their case. All in all don't be impatient with regards to finding a girlfriend; it will happen one day & it doesn't have to be at a party. Don't try so hard & you might just find that they'll start to be interested .

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists


    :( I'm sorry. Alright ....so here is what I am gonna ask....

    Are you even interested in these girls besides their looks? Maybe they are turned off because you are treating them like a machine that needs to be figured out. Girls like honest connection just as much as we do. If you are genuinely interested in who they really are underneath....then they will find you attractive...especially if you tease them. But if you treat all women the same and use the same plan on every single one of them...chances are they can tell.

    My advice? Just chill out and talk to them as if you were just hanging out with friends. If you guys match ...then it will happen....just hang loose....be a little mysterious....and by that I mean just tease them with you're very smart brain. Show that you MAY be smart....you MAY be intuitive...you MAY be a great lover. Hope that helped :)
    snail, LadyJava, The Phantom and 2 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I'm a serial INTP dater (my serious ex was an INTJ at the end of the relationship but INTP at the start) and it seems I'm usually attracted to INTP's above other types.

    INTP/INTP relationship scenario:
    1. Meet, instant interest.
    2. No indication of interest, but both clever enough to notice that they like each other.
    3. No one makes a move in order to protect own egos.

    My serious ex and I took 1.5 years to make our relationship official. My current love interest and I are still at that limbo stage, and it's been a year.

    Grr. You INTP boys.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Ok my feedback would be that it's very sweet for a guy to express an interest in taking me out on a date. But it's not enough. I need to feel that we'd be comfortable around each other (i.e. no awkward silences during the date). I also need to feel that we have a connection.

    refreshe123d, the next time you start chatting with a girl, I suggest that you ask her what her hobbies and interests are, and to find something in common from there. It's a good way to establish a connection with her, keep the conversation going and get her to feel comfortable around you. When you're confident enough that she'd see you again, make your move- excuse yourself and say you've enjoyed talking to her and hope the two of you can hang out one day. She's likely to give you her number or email address from there.

    DON'T wait two days to contact her. Most women expect you to call within 24 hours. If you don't, they lose interest. Also don't make it sound like you're going on a "date" date, but going out to do something/talk about something that interests the both of you.

    Ok I hope these tips have helped! The most important thing is to feel natural and be yourself. Now go get them, tiger!
    LadyJava and feefafo thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    @monique
    I'm 21, the parties would be the last place i would want to meet girls. I meant to say "I tried everything so i went to a party"
    no i am not persistent. I'm sure "it'll happend one day" if i keep trying.


    @ thehigher"tease them" can you elaborate this meaning? I am mysterious.

    @jochris
    INTP/INTP relationship scenario:
    1. Meet, instant interest.
    2. No indication of interest, but both clever enough to notice that they like each other.
    3. No one makes a move in order to protect own egos.
    I agree!!! Except #3, I do make a move but i don't chase.

    @rouge yes the reason girls don't date me is cause they don't feel comfortable.



    let me give you guys more info.

    I have fear that once I get a comfortable and let myself connect with a girl I would be the one who would get hurt. But mostly I'm scared that once she finds out that I'm just a boring guy she would not be interested. I guess what i'm trying to say is, girls see me as mysterious guy and i don't want to relieve that and let them be disappointed.

    If anyone can give me tips with "comfort phase" please let me know. I have hard time dealing with "first contact" such as "hugs", "holding hands", "arm around the shoulders". that kind of things. I know i'm very close to figuring out this dating stuff~!

    I also want you guys to know that I'm very confidence with my looks but not with my personality. I can approach the hottest girl in school without a sweat but I have hard time "opening up" cause like i said i'm afraid.

    Oh don't ask me to post pictures cause I won't.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers

    The most difficult thing I have always found is the attractive to me girls/women are with other boys/men (the Guards SJ).
    Mutatio NOmenis and Jorge thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    So true. No matter how comfortable a girl is with me, I always get rejecter. *rage.*

  9. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by jochris View Post
    INTP/INTP relationship scenario:
    1. Meet, instant interest.
    2. No indication of interest, but both clever enough to notice that they like each other.
    3. No one makes a move in order to protect own egos.

    My serious ex and I took 1.5 years to make our relationship official.
    Wow, that's kind of depressing. Holy crap. I guess nobody can call you impatient, at least.

  10. #10
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Robatix View Post
    Wow, that's kind of depressing. Holy crap. I guess nobody can call you impatient, at least.
    Yes. The current one has been taking a year. I don't know what is so difficult about it for us INTP's...


     
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