[INTP] Questions for INTP Women - Page 3

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This is a discussion on Questions for INTP Women within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; <!-- BEGIN TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention --> @<span class="highlight"><i><a href="https://personalitycafe.com/member.php?u=31195" target="_blank">Restless</a></i></span> <!-- END TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention -->Cupid I don't flirt either. Not intentionally ...

  1. #21
    INTP - The Thinkers

    <!-- BEGIN TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention -->
    @<span class="highlight"><i><a href="https://personalitycafe.com/member.php?u=31195" target="_blank">Restless</a></i></span>
    <!-- END TEMPLATE: dbtech_usertag_mention -->Cupid

    I don't flirt either. Not intentionally anyways. I don't know how to go about it at all. I think I'm an ST, but I don't think I expect flirtation. I hate baited questions. My ex used to try to get her to say things and it was so painfully obvious.. Its strange. I was with my ex for a year and I rarely went out of my way to say I love you stuff like that. However, when I think about it now, I would want some sort of indicator every once in a while so I know for sure that the other person is interested. My guess is that it sounds good on paper, but when I actually get in a relationship, I wouldn't care. Um, perhaps the last bit was unrelated? I'm so clueless when it comes to flirtation I might have jumbled two things together. Oh well.

    Fun tangent- When I met her in person in early December, I asked her to study with me. That is how clueless I am.

    I understand that people could test incorrectly. While I didn't ask how she knows her type, I do believe it is an internet test. Though I won't know for sure, she does seem to allign with many INTP traits. (She isn't interested in sports, cars, is pragmatic, has good grammar when texting, writes long responses when appropriate...) Though admittedly, she does seem less extreme than other INTPs on this forum. Of course, I don't know her that well yet. I do not believe she is a Feeler nor extrovert though. Only time will tell.

    The weird part is that she opened up quite a bit during our "study session." For instance, she told me she takes caffeine pills, is neurotic, hates the cat at her apartment...ect. I was surprised that she talked so much especially since I did say I was looking for a study buddy so it would be easy to not talk and hit the books. (which we did do, but we still talked for about 3/4 of the time in a 5 hr period)

    "Emotionally close" is not something I'm sure I want or not. I am for sure T as opposed to F and had bad experiences with an F Type recently so I am looking for another T type. That being said, as long as it is clear that she has feelings for me at some point, then I should be fine. It was awkward for me to say "I love you" and stuff like that with my ex. If it were up to me, there would probably be much less of that. Basically, as long as its understood, then I should be fine. I guess the lack of indications could be worrying, but I decided that I would try and make the first approach regardless.

    If it works out, it works out. If not, I may lay low a bit and then try again or perhaps move on. Not too sure yet.

    4. I mean from friends to bf/gf. I don't do hookups. On that note, she said something that threw me off. On the topic of abortion and Planned Parenthood, she said "This is something that is especially relevant to me." I didn't pursue further due to instinct, but I still wonder if that means she needs to get abortions or is needing birth control pills....I don't know but I'm slightly uneasy about it. Maybe its wrong to do so, but I still would hate to hate her screwing another guy.. Oh well, I do believe she is single now...facebook won't lie to me right? (She was "in a relationship" on fb a few months ago)

    5. I don't believe she hates texting since she always replies on messenger. Sometimes she it takes an hour or two to first see the message, but I don't know if that is an indicator of anything. People can be busy..sometimes she replies instantly, sometimes a few minute-10-15min wait time. Its all very confusing. I think that she isn't the type to text first with people she doesn't know to well. This is based off the introvert approach. Most introverts I know rarely initiate contact even among good friends. I know I used to be like that.

    7. Em, I'm too familiar with "normal women" anyways. No expectations here. I do think that INTP romance is hard to read as well. So far, my theory is that its hard to for INTPs to convey emotion through text. Or perhaps they don't bother with conveying emotion at all. I noticed that her responses usually doesn't have much connotations as well. Honestly, I think that I might be able to get a general read over time. Just need that in person contact!

    Glad you guys aren't Tsundere. They confuse me. I appreciate honesty.[/QUOTE]

    The opening up thing. INTPs are deep talkers, we hate small talk so we go strait into mentioning our weird hobbies and asking you about yours. Truly, I would share my opinions with just about anyone who asked me about them.



    It's not so much a feeling thing... I tell people about my severe sleeping issues all the time, kind of like small talk. INTPs are somewhat rude and random, like children. Just cause we're not conforming around you doesn't necessarily mean we've opened up.

    Abortion relates directly to me in that I couldn't be more against it. Maybe that's what she means. How old is she any way? (If she's for it I'm not going to get upset, I just want to analyse if she actually means she's having them.)

    Also, my experiences with Fs haven't been all that great either. I feel like a jerk for saying it, but I don't think they're capable of understanding me really and they can get on my nerves with all their fluffy cotton candy exteriors and drippy emotional insides.

    Example, I've never been on a religious where I didn't leave wanting to kill someone. Mainly because the Fs just overwhelm and suffocate me.

    The video above would be a classic example of an INTP just not giving a shit about what other people will think if they voice out. Pause at 4:42. That's the signature look I get from angry FSJ girls every time I speak up about something in school.
    Last edited by RestlessCryptid; 01-10-2016 at 07:18 PM.
    World Tuner thanked this post.

  2. #22
    Unknown

    Sorry for the late response; I will get back to everyone soon..
    What would you guys think about the following scenario?
    She seems engaged in a relatively short conversation and I ask her if she wants to hang sometime during the weekend and get food. She says "That would be fun!"(This is on a Wednesday) Then, when the weekend comes, she is says she is tired from spending the whole day trying to get her new roommate better on Saturday. (at 5:45PM ish...she usually sleeps around 12)

    I understand that Sunday is still an option so I talk to her a bit and a little bit later asked her if she was free the next day. (at 6:28 PM) She responds with "idk I have to work for scholarships" at 8:30AM the next day. I then reply saying that I understand and that if she wanted to meet for coffee or lunch/dinner, just let me know.

    My analysis is that she was socially drained from Saturday which led to her reluctance on Sunday. That is also coupled with the fact that she probably wouldn't take initiative to invite me despite giving her an easy way to do so. My conclusion is that she is doesn't dislike me, nor like me and was simply tired. What do you guys think? How do you view appointments? Would asking her to walk around be too much? (I know she enjoys simply walking around as do I)


    @Twichl

    Not interested and uninterested are synonymous. So no.
    By "uninterested one,"I am referring to the situation where the INTP in the main post pretends not to be interested or too interested too weed out the riff-raff.

    Something that I've been wondering is about the difference between inviting a girl (from a guy's perspective) as a friend and as a date. I don't think that most single guys would literally use the word "date" when inviting a girl out to do something. Assuming this is the case, what makes the difference? Or am I wrong about using the word "date?"

    I get your advice about non-personal subjects. I've been talking to her about the Walking Dead.(I know she likes the series)

  3. #23
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    Originally Posted by m_dogg View Post
    "I've seen mentions of men not wanting to wait for INTP women to 'open up' cuz they want to have sex NOW. But what I'm confused by, is, isn't opening up emotionally different from being sexually active? I feel like getting 'physical' would be easier for those who are lesser in the feeling department, because they can view sex in a more objective fashion? At least, that's always been a vice of mine."
    That kind of men just want to have sex in their minds, not a relationship. For me, itís better to be a virgin till I die (I can still masterbate, duh) than having a casual sex with someone I donít even like or trust. Sex for me is the greatest affection that I can give to my partner. If Iím having sex with you, that means I like you or Iím in love with you.

    Hmm.. Maybe thatís why Iím still single (and virgin) for 22.5 years until I met my current SO.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    "Yes, I do tend to lead people on but that is just all part of the test. Whenever somebody tries to initiate flirtation, I always pretend like I'm uninterested even if I actually am. If they give up then I know they do not really like me but if they keep trying I will eventually give in. It has nothing to do with emotions, I just want to be w/ someone who truly likes me."
    -JoanCrawford
    1.Is this true for other INTP women? What about you?
    So true on my part. I am snobby to someone Iím interested in (especially IRL) because Iím confused (and afraid?) by these weird emotions within me for that person. I remember I was having a huge crush with my INTx friend when I was in highschool and I always ignored him. He always making fun of me and always wanted to see me pissed off at him. I dunno why but deep inside Iím giddily happy that heís with me (even he pisses me off). I tried to ignore him during those years until I realized I fallen in love with him secretly. Unfortunately, I was afraid to let him know it so I ignored him for a year until our graduation. I havenít contacted him for years after that because I want to forget my feeling for him and fortunately I was able to move on after 2 years. The funny thing is after few days that I decided to move on, I was surprised that he messaged me out of the blue and then we have finally have a good chat. I finally confessed (in jokingly way as possible) that I liked him for years when we were still in highschool. And he told me that the reason why he liked pissing me off was because he liked me a lot at that time. I said: ďWTF why did you not told me this before?Ē

    Heís one of my close friends now.

    The same scenario happened again with an INTJ I previously infatuated in but I realized that my attraction for him is destructive and not healthy on my part because I have no idea if he do likes me or not. LOL.

    People are different, despite of MBTI type. In my case, I'm the kind of person that will not say boldly that I like someone because of my fear of rejection. And besides, Iím to lazy to chase someone just because I like them. I want someone to tell me directly that they like me and itís up to me if I want to reciprocate their feelings. So selfish of me huh?

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    2. INTPs are known for the oblivious nature; what would you consider "flirtation"? Examples? What kinds or forms of flirtation would make you happy?
    My INTP SO told me Iím very oblivious when he tried to flirt with me unless he directly tells me what to do or so. When we were still having this getting-to-know-each-other for a week (I met him online from a facebook page), he directly told me that he likes me. I remember I told him these words: ďDo you like me because Iím interesting as a friend or for something beyond on this?Ē. He laughed and told me Iím the most direct girl she ever met.

    Just be direct. Thatís makes me happy. Not the random roses or cards nor public displays of affection. Donít let me kick your butt out and will accuse you of being a pervert.

    Oh, and no mind games please. Iím not a psychic.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    3. Needless to say, there are few absolutes. How often would you consider this slow approach to be successful, if at all?
    You remember the tale between the turquoise and the hare. Having an INTP as an SO is like the turquoise. Of course, it depends how persistent and patient you are.

    And if youíre persistent and patient enough to make us ďfeelĒ that we like you, we INTP women will be worth a wait.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    4. For you, about how long would the "test" be? In general, how long would you suggest getting to know someone before trying to take things a step further?
    Itís not a test per se. Itís actually how persistent, patient and willing you are to have her. Tell her that you likes her and itís okay that she will not reciprocate your feelings at the moment. Just be with her, but donít nag for attention. Be a friend for a while. If sheís willing to spend time with you, that means you already have your bait.

    Be super patient and have a nice, deep conversation with her. Donít do small talk. And as much as possible, minimize emotional dramas or any declaration of love. That makes us run to the hills.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    5. How would you act uninterested? (e.g. short responses, not/never initiating contact, avoiding eye contact...ect?)
    The bolded part is actually the reverse. We INTPs do this a lot to someone we REALLY like. And I unintentionally do this with my current SO.

    If I'm uninterested, I will tell you so.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    6. Conversely, how would you act interested? Considering that many INTPs rarely initiate contact regardless of interest, does it mean anything if you do not text first?
    Mostly yes, we donít initiate contact UNLESS we REALLY like you. Iím interested when Iím spending time with you physically and mentally (that means I think a lot about you). And text is not a good way to have a conversation with an INTP. Remember that most INTPs hate phones. Do you have any IM accounts? That's way better.

    Or try to ask her for lunch in casual way as possible. Since weíre pretty oblivious, donít tell her itís a date.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    7. I've read that some INTP women tend to act cold to guys that they are not interested in. How would you do this? Can you differentiate that scenario with the "uninterested" one?
    Mostly guys describe me as ďcold with bitchy attitudeĒ because their minds are not interesting. INTPs loath small talks. Start a conversation like: ďWhat do you think of _____?Ē or ďDo you know about ______?Ē or ďCould you please explain to me the _____Ē. You donít need to have a high IQ or a bookish nerd. Just be interesting...if you understand what I mean.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    8. Would you consider this tactic more popular among older or younger INTP women? About how old are you? Could you see yourself becoming like this in the future?
    Iím turning 23 next month. And I can say that these characteristics will depend not on age but to the maturity of an INTP. I have developed my Fe and Fi during my younger years so I can be like an INPF or INFJ sometimes. My INTP SO once told me I'm a feeler type of INTP. LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    9. Is there any meaning if you do not ask questions very often?
    If we do not ask questions, that means weíre thinking.
    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    Also, assuming I ask you about something and you give a well thought out answer, would you be interested in knowing how I feel about the particular matter? If so, would you ask me how I felt about the issue?
    Well, I cannot tell you how you ďfeelĒ about it, but you can share what you are feeling about the topic with me, just donít put too much emotions that you start to cry while explaining. My ISFJ friend do that and it really irks me sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    10. Does it matter how a conversation ends during texting? If so, how would you prefer it to end?
    You will know that Iím already back in my cave when Iím not responding to your messages after 2-3 hours.
    World Tuner thanked this post.

  4. #24
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    She seems engaged in a relatively short conversation and I ask her if she wants to hang sometime during the weekend and get food. She says "That would be fun!"(This is on a Wednesday) Then, when the weekend comes, she is says she is tired from spending the whole day trying to get her new roommate better on Saturday. (at 5:45PM ish...she usually sleeps around 12)

    I understand that Sunday is still an option so I talk to her a bit and a little bit later asked her if she was free the next day. (at 6:28 PM) She responds with "idk I have to work for scholarships" at 8:30AM the next day. I then reply saying that I understand and that if she wanted to meet for coffee or lunch/dinner, just let me know.

    My analysis is that she was socially drained from Saturday which led to her reluctance on Sunday. That is also coupled with the fact that she probably wouldn't take initiative to invite me despite giving her an easy way to do so. My conclusion is that she is doesn't dislike me, nor like me and was simply tired. What do you guys think? How do you view appointments? Would asking her to walk around be too much? (I know she enjoys simply walking around as do I)
    I can relate to her when I have too much interaction with people I want to shut myself from the world. Even if I like someone and if he ask me to hang out I would tell him I’m not feeling well, or not having a mood because (fill in the blank). I know it looks like a rejection but I need my “me time”.

    Btw, do you know or asked her about her interests? If so, try talking about something related on her interests, what you think about it and ask her opinions.

    Quote Originally Posted by World Tuner View Post
    Something that I've been wondering is about the difference between inviting a girl (from a guy's perspective) as a friend and as a date. I don't think that most single guys would literally use the word "date" when inviting a girl out to do something. Assuming this is the case, what makes the difference? Or am I wrong about using the word "date?"
    For me as a female INTP, if you say "date" it means you want/currently have a relationship with me. It's kinda formal too. Ask her to try something out with you, like visiting a museum (if she likes artworks), arcades (if she likes video games), or bookstores (if she's a book nerd).

    Btw, how old are you? How did you met? You both students or co-workers?
    World Tuner thanked this post.

  5. #25
    Unknown

    By the way, how often would you guys suggest I text her? My relation with her has improved I think. First, I'd like to clarify that I only have her Facebook as contact info. Her number is on her facebook, but I haven't asked for it in person. I started off messaging her either every other day, every 2 days (usually this), or every 3 days. I did this to prove that I'm not clingy and wouldn't come off too strong. Also, it gets hard thinking of ways to start a conversation. ;p

    In the beginning, we were both kinda formal, but things have progressed! Now, she asks me how I'm doing as well! (I sometimes lead with small talk, but it only lasts 2 messages...hopefully that is okay!) Though I don't have a large sample size, it does seem like she has been asking questions back as of late. (past week) In the first few weeks, she would ask occasionally, though her responses would usually be well thought out. Also, she used abbreviations! (albeit not often)

    Something interesting I noticed was that she would "see" my message, type a response and then wait and type some more. Then, she would send it a few minutes later. I believe that this means she is either editing spelling or spending a long time thinking about what I have to say. (This happens a few days...not infrequent, but not frequent either.......the subject matter isn't that deep either usually)

    **ABOUT ME
    I can theorize about things I know. So, if its about real life or a story/movie I can theorize if ____ happened instead of ____. I do get bored by too many abstract things. I do have a strong eye for detail, hope that isn't too creepy. Therefore, I am probably ST, but I am confident I can carry on conversations NTs just fine. (The T is certain)
    **

    18 months is the time when it is all over. My confession or distancing. Both very unhealthy, not worth waiting and going nowhere.
    The moment when I am already open up enough to start relationship is much earlier: a few months to 1 year since friendship starts assuming there are any feelings at all(they should develop by the time if they are reasonable). I just won't be confident enough about the feelings to make a step forward by myself yet.
    That makes things so much clearer! What I felt strange was how fast the intp I'm interested opened up on our first one on one meeting. Wonders what finals do to people. Albeit, she isn't as quite open over text. (@Kiriae)

    You're talking to the least physical type. You know that, right?

    I'm so sick of talking about sex. I feel like I'm being sexually harassed by the world.

    Not you, man. You didn't do anything wrong. But I just don't understand what the fucking big deal is about sex.

    Feels good. Fine. Drugs. Good. Fine. Effort. Soooooooooooooooooooo much effort goes into sex I can almost never justify it.

    But I'm also a broken record of a VERY small minority of the sexually active population. Meaning, I'm pretty much a gray-a-demi-sexual-some other junk you dont' care.

    I'm sick of seeing sex on tv, sick of listening to ppl talk about it. It's so boring.

    Super physical types are always going to hafta make a compromise w/ super heady types. I am prolly the strongest proponent of oppositional-type romancing....bc two physicals are like....pffff....what are you even talking about ever? and two intellects? gimme a break what a nightmare.

    Just. Find a ground you can both stand on. Talk to her. She'll be more honest than you might even be ready to hear.
    I apologize if it wasn't clear. I'm not looking for a purely physical relationship. Sure, it would be nice; unnecessary. Em, I'm also an intellectual. I was an ISTJ, though I have changed alot recently so I can't say what I am now. (different test results each time) My previous relationship with a Feeler type really didn't end so well. (She wasn't that bright either....booksmart, but not that smart if it makes any sense..) I definitely want a partner who I can talk about anything on a deeper level. The only problem is that I'm not used to it so I don't exactly know how to go about facitating such discussions. I just tried to talk deeper with another friend I know better and she squirmed and said she preffered to talk about common interests. (ISFJ I believe...could be N)

    I did try to go with the "What do you think about _____" approach. It got kinda awkward since my question was kinda vague. After specifying, we had a short but good conversation. But that is the thing, it just ends really quickly. She says her hypo and I say mine. I'm also scared of appearing too critical if I start going debate mode. Its a thing that alot of my friends and family don't like about me. When I argue, I usually win and although I keep my arguments free of negative words and slander, some take offense regardless. Perhaps I just have to be closer to her.

    @zobot
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  6. #26
    Unknown

    Not going to attempt to speculate on how other INTP women feel. For me, opening up emotionally is different than being physical but is definitely not easier.
    How would someone get you to open up?

    Not to be rude but oblivious is one of the last words I'd use to describe myself. To me something is flirting if there is the intention behind it.
    Not rude at all! I merely used the terms that I've read that applies to most INTPs. Are you saying that anything with an intention behind it is flirting to you? I'm pretty bad at flirting, how would suggest I go around flirting? Or perhaps just avoid flirting in general?

    im not sure what you mean by slow approach, but I'm guessing you mean making the guy wait? It's always been successful for me lol, I wouldn't call it an approach though. I just make them wait.
    The slow approach is from my perspective where I would spend months trying to be a good friend before trying to take things further.

    Like you said, there are few absolutes. My personal timeframe depends on the guy obviously, and other factors.
    Could you share those factors?
    @secretchaos

  7. #27
    Unknown

    Not necessarily. If I really really liked the person but was just too shy (or skeptical) to express it, the problem would mostly be that I'd be afraid of leaving a bad impression or making a fool of myself. If he personally invited me someplace and he didn't have to, I would definitely want to go because it would suggest he wanted to see me. But if it was somebody else who invited me and he just happened to be there, I would talk to other people and avoid him unless he approached me first. I'm trying to change this, though.
    That makes sense. Would you suggest straight up asking out an INTP out for dinner out of nowhere? Or would buttering it up with something beforehand more helpful? Would your response change based on how you felt toward the guy? (acquaintance, decent friend, good friend, love interest, ect?)

    That's okay. I like spending time around friends (and love interests), too. I guess perhaps the difference is that I don't feel a strong need to socialize when alone. I don't think it's bad to come off strong if you mean it. How she'll take it depends on how much she likes you. That more than her usual personality, I'd say. People change depending on their circumstances. Who knows though - all of this really depends on your friend herself. I think once a week would be fine for most people.

    If you're having a hard time reading her, really, the best approach in my view is just to be direct, share with her your feelings, and ask her questions.
    I've been an introvert for the vast majority of my life. I never hung out after school with friends until senior year of high school. Now, I might be slightly extroverted or not, its hard to tell. I usually have no qualms being by myself. Its more like I enjoy understanding other people's thought processes. In fact, I also enjoy my alone time. I wouldn't say I want to talk to everyone all the time, but I would want to talk to interesting people often. And with love interests, I really want to understand their thought processes and views on life.

    I don't know if I'm having a hard time reading her. Rather, I would say that I am having a hard time directing the conversation to be something worth reading. Its easier in person. Over fb messaging, it seems easier to be guarded. Though she has been opening up, I don't really know how to go into deep conversation. (We already covered religion) I don't have alot of experience theorizing with others. Usually its me thinking by myself.

    As a person, I am usually direct. (I even told my dad to stop making small talk with me several times throughout my childhood) I guess, if anything, its more like I don't know what to say. I know she likes Grey's anatomy (something that I never watched and is too long to attempt) and the Walking Dead. I started the Walking Dead for her and have been casually conversing about it. But, even then I just kinda comment on what happened and ask her what she thinks of ___event of ____character.
    @letsrunlikecrazy

  8. #28
    Unknown

    The opening up thing. INTPs are deep talkers, we hate small talk so we go strait into mentioning our weird hobbies and asking you about yours. Truly, I would share my opinions with just about anyone who asked me about them
    Em, well. When I asked her interests, she said she likes to read, hang with friends, workout and watch TV. When I inquired about the TV shows, she said Walking Dead, Grey's Anatomy and political comedy shows. I asked her early on over text though. Therefore, I believe it is possible that she could be hiding a few secret interests that she might be embarrassed about. She says she doesn't binge watch so I don't see what she spends her time doing. I guess I could ask if she reads that often, but I doubt it. She is a human bio major as well as a pre med student. While I can buy that she is too busy during the school year, she must have spent her break doing something...

    It's not so much a feeling thing... I tell people about my severe sleeping issues all the time, kind of like small talk. INTPs are somewhat rude and random, like children. Just cause we're not conforming around you doesn't necessarily mean we've opened up.

    Abortion relates directly to me in that I couldn't be more against it. Maybe that's what she means. How old is she any way? (If she's for it I'm not going to get upset, I just want to analyse if she actually means she's having them.)

    Also, my experiences with Fs haven't been all that great either. I feel like a jerk for saying it, but I don't think they're capable of understanding me really and they can get on my nerves with all their fluffy cotton candy exteriors and drippy emotional insides.

    Example, I've never been on a religious where I didn't leave wanting to kill someone. Mainly because the Fs just overwhelm and suffocate me.

    The video above would be a classic example of an INTP just not giving a shit about what other people will think if they voice out. Pause at 4:42. That's the signature look I get from angry FSJ girls every time I speak up about something in school.
    What would mean that you opened up? I was pretty ecstatic when she started asking questions back to me lol. Her messages also seem to have more emotion attached to them than before. Initially, I couldn't read any connotations, but now I can sense some emotion in her words.

    She definitely is for abortion. I guess I interpreted it differently. Though you could still be right as I can see her being passionate about not understand why women shouldn't have access to abortion. I don't feel passion towards alot of things so when I hear that it directly relates to her, I thought that perhaps she requires abortion clinic services. Regardless, I understand that my thoughts on the matter shouldn't have holding on her. Its just sad and uncomfortable for me; understandable, I hope!

    I'm hoping your idea is right though. She is 19 and I sincerely doubt that she wants to have an abortion. However, it seems not too far fetched for her to be on birth control or stock up on some morning after pills. Everyone's opinion about developing an intellectual and emotional connection first does reassure me.

    Nice clip. I don't understand girl politics all that well, but it seems pretty real.
    @RestlessCryptid
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  9. #29
    Unknown

    First, what do you guys think about the following response in the middle of a conversation. "I have to go to bed, good night!" (to clarify, we send a message every few minutes so it isn't like instant reply bam instant reply) I think it is not typical for an INTP to be so particular about her bedtime? I'm kinda guessing; I don't really know. This has happened quite a few times though. There was no indicator that she was not enjoying the conversation nor has she tried any other way to end the conversation. Further, she does only use this near her bedtime.

    Hmm.. Maybe that’s why I’m still single (and virgin) for 22.5 years until I met my current SO.
    \

    I don't think that is why. Not wanting to have sex should never a reason for someone to be single. That implies that a relationship automatically obligates sex. If I were a girl, I would not stand for that or for a guy that thought that way. If anything, its probably your introverted nature.

    I've been introverted for as long as I can remember. I also hang out with a lot of introverted people. Definitely hard for a relationship to form. I've only been through one so far and that kinda happened by chance even though it lasted for a bit over a year. The current INTP I'm pursuing is the first girl I felt like I wanted to pursue. Perhaps its due to a change in personality, but I decided to see this through the end regardless of the result. This mindset definitely helped give me courage when messaging her. In fact, reading about INTPs and posting about it gives me confidence because it makes me feel that this might actually work out. LOL.

    So true on my part. I am snobby to someone I’m interested in (especially IRL) because I’m confused (and afraid?) by these weird emotions within me for that person. I remember I was having a huge crush with my INTx friend when I was in highschool and I always ignored him. He always making fun of me and always wanted to see me pissed off at him. I dunno why but deep inside I’m giddily happy that he’s with me (even he pisses me off). I tried to ignore him during those years until I realized I fallen in love with him secretly. Unfortunately, I was afraid to let him know it so I ignored him for a year until our graduation. I haven’t contacted him for years after that because I want to forget my feeling for him and fortunately I was able to move on after 2 years. The funny thing is after few days that I decided to move on, I was surprised that he messaged me out of the blue and then we have finally have a good chat. I finally confessed (in jokingly way as possible) that I liked him for years when we were still in highschool. And he told me that the reason why he liked pissing me off was because he liked me a lot at that time. I said: “WTF why did you not told me this before?”

    He’s one of my close friends now.

    The same scenario happened again with an INTJ I previously infatuated in but I realized that my attraction for him is destructive and not healthy on my part because I have no idea if he do likes me or not. LOL.

    People are different, despite of MBTI type. In my case, I'm the kind of person that will not say boldly that I like someone because of my fear of rejection. And besides, I’m to lazy to chase someone just because I like them. I want someone to tell me directly that they like me and it’s up to me if I want to reciprocate their feelings. So selfish of me huh?
    I might have had something similar happen to me in high school as well. We didn't make fun of each other, but a third party told me that "she doesn't like you anymore." when she came up casually in a conversation half a year ago. She was actually the first crush I actually talked to. We spanned over 5000 messages on facebook for about a year and then it just died. Albeit, alot of the conversation consisted of AP chemistry...and other academics. (This was 3-4 years ago) Sigh, now that I think about it, I started talking to my current interest by inviting her to study. You can kinda tell how bad I am at this.

    If that scenario with the INTJ is pretty much the same, then your logic is slightly flawed. Assuming the only reason you believe your attraction is destructive is that its possibly one sided, then you wouldn't know. Had your earlier friend not had that random chat, the situation would be the same. Therefore, your attraction may not have been destructive. Well, before you met your current SO anyways.

    I would say most introverts would want the person they like to come up and confess to them. Of course, confessing is hard regardless of personality type. However, it seems like introverts are more likely to be content staying at the sidelines. In fact, anyone would want their crush to come out and confess to them. Unfortunately, life ain't that easy.

    I'm not too lazy to pursue, but too lazy to pursue more than one girl at a time. (which is a good thing) I'm just desperately hoping this works out. Signs are few in between and I tend to over react when something goes remotely wrong. (I panicked to myself when she rejected an irl invitation to go out and get food) It turns out my actual messages are much smoother and while I think I'm being super obvious, that may not always be the case. Either way, I decided to commit to this so regardless, I will try until I get a firm answer. And then, in spirit of perseverance, I'll try again. If I get a second rejection, I will likely give up.

    My INTP SO told me I’m very oblivious when he tried to flirt with me unless he directly tells me what to do or so. When we were still having this getting-to-know-each-other for a week (I met him online from a facebook page), he directly told me that he likes me. I remember I told him these words: “Do you like me because I’m interesting as a friend or for something beyond on this?”. He laughed and told me I’m the most direct girl she ever met.

    Just be direct. That’s makes me happy. Not the random roses or cards nor public displays of affection. Don’t let me kick your butt out and will accuse you of being a pervert.

    Oh, and no mind games please. I’m not a psychic.
    Yo, I don't even know how mind games work. If I ever do it, it will be unintentional. I try my best though!

    As I've said, I suck at flirting. Any tips??

    Wait, are you saying this guy you met on facebook just asked you out and you said ok?

    No need to worry about pda and roses. I am very bad at pda. I'm thinking of going with the "Could you see us as more than friends, cuz I could" approach. Someone on reddit recommended that approach to INTPS in general. Apparently, you could recover and fight for another day using it. It seems pretty direct to me. Not exactly sure what the difference is. Meanwhile, I'm going to try to set up an irl meeting. Hopefully this one would work out.

    Speaking of which, would you be preferred to be asked a day before? Or would you like earlier notice?

    You remember the tale between the turquoise and the hare. Having an INTP as an SO is like the turquoise. Of course, it depends how persistent and patient you are.

    And if you’re persistent and patient enough to make us “feel” that we like you, we INTP women will be worth a wait.
    I am persistent and patient. To what degree, I'm not so sure. We go to the same college, but she goes back to NJ over the summer so I'd preferably like something to happen around spring break so I could enjoy and establish a relationship. (college in CA) I'm kind of winging it as I go since I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her in person again yet.

    It’s not a test per se. It’s actually how persistent, patient and willing you are to have her. Tell her that you likes her and it’s okay that she will not reciprocate your feelings at the moment. Just be with her, but don’t nag for attention. Be a friend for a while. If she’s willing to spend time with you, that means you already have your bait.

    Be super patient and have a nice, deep conversation with her. Don’t do small talk. And as much as possible, minimize emotional dramas or any declaration of love. That makes us run to the hill
    The "not having to reciprocate" approach actually seems very attractive to me. I think I might go with this. Intuitively, I feel like this is not something to do right now though. Not sure how much of my posts you have read, but I only met her once in person due to finals and winter break. I am hoping to change that. Anyways, since we haven't met that often, I intuitively feel that we should hang out a few more times in person before reaching that stage. I think that I will have a better chance this way. What do you think?

    Oh, I've been texting every few days to avoid nagging for attention. Also, I never press for an answer. Its hard to repress my curiosity, but I can and will continue! To clarify, it isn't that I need attention; I am quite independent. It is more that I wonder why a response would take so long. (such as the next day) And whether that has any implications towards her feelings towards me.

    Mostly yes, we don’t initiate contact UNLESS we REALLY like you. I’m interested when I’m spending time with you physically and mentally (that means I think a lot about you). And text is not a good way to have a conversation with an INTP. Remember that most INTPs hate phones. Do you have any IM accounts? That's way better.

    Or try to ask her for lunch in casual way as possible. Since we’re pretty oblivious, don’t tell her it’s a date.
    I use facebook messages. She almost always replies using messenger though. (which means she uses her phone). I don't like texting, and prefer facebook so I can type which is much faster!

    I never refer to invites as dates. I usually just say something along the lines of "wanna meet up and get some food/dinner?"

    Mostly guys describe me as “cold with bitchy attitude” because their minds are not interesting. INTPs loath small talks. Start a conversation like: “What do you think of _____?” or “Do you know about ______?” or “Could you please explain to me the _____”. You don’t need to have a high IQ or a bookish nerd. Just be interesting...if you understand what I mean.
    Well, I gotta say I haven't used that description on anyone before. Just because I wouldn't say that to a person. I also loathe small talk, but its hard to think of a good opening. Lately I've resorted to "How's break?" or "How"s the first day of school?" I then try to segue into something more interesting. Something more concrete certainly.

    I've tried the "what do you think of" approach. It went down something like this. I ask what she thinks of sarcasm. She asks for clarification. I clarify and ask her why she thinks it exists and how she feels about it. She asks me what I think. I say theory. She talks about when she uses sarcasm. I question her to better understand her position. She clarifies. Silence ensues.

    Basically, I don't know how to keep the conversation alive after that point.

    The "do you know about" approach seems interesting. Haven't tried it, but this is how I see it turning out. "Do you know about ___" She says no and then I explain. She says that's interesting. Silence ensues.

    OR she says yes I do know and then we could talk about how its interesting and then silence would ensue. Am I reading this wrong?

    I’m turning 23 next month. And I can say that these characteristics will depend not on age but to the maturity of an INTP. I have developed my Fe and Fi during my younger years so I can be like an INPF or INFJ sometimes. My INTP SO once told me I'm a feeler type of INTP. LOL
    That is impressive! I would think that maturity and age correlate. For what its worth, I know she had two exes in the past. One in high school which I know she broke off when high school ended. (I'm guessing because college in a different state, but could be any reason) And one that started in September of 2015 and ended in November. Interestingly enough, she removed the Life Event "in a relationship" from facebook. Any ideas why an INTP might do this? It was for sure up a month ago. I started talking to her early December. I don't think I'm the reason, but one can hope! I mention the exes because one tends to mature in a relationship. I know I did in mine.

    Well, I cannot tell you how you “feel” about it, but you can share what you are feeling about the topic with me, just don’t put too much emotions that you start to cry while explaining. My ISFJ friend do that and it really irks me sometimes.
    I meant feel about as in think about. For more casual topics, I use the word "feel" as opposed to think because there is often no right answer. I don't think I'm explaining this well, but no need to worry about putting too much emotion! I am a bonafide Thinker type would rather worry about the lack of emotion in my writing. I get the feeling I'm more inquisitive when I talk to her. Though i try!

    I can relate to her when I have too much interaction with people I want to shut myself from the world. Even if I like someone and if he ask me to hang out I would tell him I’m not feeling well, or not having a mood because (fill in the blank). I know it looks like a rejection but I need my “me time”.

    Btw, do you know or asked her about her interests? If so, try talking about something related on her interests, what you think about it and ask her opinions.
    Well, she didn't say she felt socially drained. I just assumed that. Not quite sure if that lasts till the next day? Do you agree with my analysis? All she said was that she was tired after trying to better know her new roommate.

    I have used that approach! I started watching the Walking Dead for it! I feel like there may be more to her interests, but when I asked she just said tv, reading, working out and hanging with friends. As for TV, she watches two shows and political comedy talk shows. Perhaps she is in avid reader; I will come around and ask. Its kinda hard to talk about the Walking Dead since she is relatively up to date and I just started. She forgot alot of the events im on and only remembers the main plotline. I'll definitely continue though.

    Sorry if I am being repetitive. I lost track of when I said what to who. I am 19 as is she and we are both students. (different majors with no similar classes)

    @CurlyINTP

  10. #30
    INTP - The Thinkers

    1. Is this true for other INTP women? What about you?
    I disagree with JoanCrawford about test. 'Test' sounds more like for an INTJ woman than INTP woman. I can't say for other INTPs but I hate playing with people's emotion (maybe because my inferior Fe), and I actually will feel bad if I unintentionally hurt them. If I'm such an asshole around you, then chances are you're an asshole and I don't like you, NOT because I'm testing you or anything. It's just that simple.

    2. INTPs are known for the oblivious nature; what would you consider "flirtation"? Examples? What kinds or forms of flirtation would make you happy?
    I'm not your typical girl so stop with all the flowers, chocolates, dolls, jewelries (an ESFJ guy bought me all those things in the past. Not wanting to be an asshole, but I was thinking 'what a waste of money and space...')
    If you want to flirt with me, then ask me what subject interests me. Chances are you're going to listen to some philosophical rambling or science stuff. But that would make me happy. If you're a fellow NT (or any type), then provide an intellectual stimulation.
    When the time finally comes, I will tell you myself... in a quite impersonal way (can't say for other INTPs, though). So instead of "I love talking with you. Would you date me?", expect something like, "You're such a clever guy and it would be good to have people like you around."

    Note: I read somewhere (maybe David Kiersey) that NTs are drawn toward NFs type, with XNTPs most likely drawn to XNFJ (INTP tp ENFJ and ENTP tp INFJ). Gotta say, it's true, at least for me. I was attracted (but not in a romantic way, though) to two INFJ guy. Only, they are too old (one is late 40s and the other is mid 50s). I can't guarantee but you can check the NF forum to learn their approach. They seem to be able to fill both emotional and intellectual need

    3. Needless to say, there are few absolutes. How often would you consider this slow approach to be successful, if at all?
    Never give it a shot. But still, it's better than the usual XSFJ approach (flower, chocolate, doll, jewelry).

    4. For you, about how long would the "test" be? In general, how long would you suggest getting to know someone before trying to take things a step further?
    I never "test" anyone. Proceed to #5

    4. How would you act uninterested? (e.g. short responses, not/never initiating contact, avoiding eye contact...ect?)
    4. If I never show you my 'intellectual side', then more than often I've completely lost interest.
    If I avoid someone, never text him back, read a book/listen to music/pretend I'm deaf when he is talking, then that means I'm through with him

    5. Conversely, how would you act interested? Considering that many INTPs rarely initiate contact regardless of interest, does it mean anything if you do not text first?
    Bear with me. This is a long but I'm trying to be as detailed and accurate as possible. Can't say for other INTPs, though...
    1st level: I will talk about some random things that requires common knowledge (politics, economy, whatever)
    2nd level: I will talk about my interest in a particular subject, usually less common than the first (in my case, it's philosophy. But other can be about science, physics, music, art, history, etc)
    3rd level: I start to tell people what an amazing, smart, kind, etc guy you are. Plus, I start wanting to know more about you, such as your philosophical view on life, your MBTI type, etc (just because I want to study you. More on this later)
    4rd level: Now you no longer need to look for me, because I will be the one doing that since I feel the need to talk about my ideas to someone, and you happen to be the only one who will listen to me.
    5th level: (only happen rarely, and if both parties have a lot of free time) I will call you. Again, to talk about anything. At this point, I may talk about my personal life.
    BONUS level: sometimes, I may stalk on you
    6th level: You have done all the giving and me the taking. This time, you'd better do some check. Ask me to do something that isn't related to knowledge. Just some mundane things like playing computer games together, or cooking, or going somewhere together. If you get a positive answer, it's a good sign and you can proceed to the next level.
    7th level: I start being more personal and more at ease to say "I love talking with you" (instead of the usual "you're insightful") and more at ease to touch you, and doesn't feel awkward around you. Also, I'm interested in your personal life NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO STUDY YOU (3rd level), but because I SINCERELY care about you.
    (OPTIONAL: THIS MIGHT BE DANGEROUS. At this point, it may have been a very long time. Check again. Do/say something emotional (tell me your personal problem). If I sympathize with you, it's a good sign. If I, somehow, invalidate your emotion with whatever comment, that doesn't mean I don't like you. That's just mean I have done something that makes the both of us feel bad)
    8th level: You will see the ESFJ side, both healthy (like being self-sacrificial, etc) and unhealthy (if I'm under stress). Both are good and done out of pure sincerity, not pretention, though.
    LAST level: "CONGRATULATION! You have completed the game!"

    Again, I can't say for your INTP girl, though.

    6. I've read that some INTP women tend to act cold to guys that they are not interested in. How would you do this? Can you differentiate that scenario with the "uninterested" one?
    See #4

    7. Would you consider this tactic more popular among older or younger INTP women? About how old are you? Could you see yourself becoming like this in the future?
    I don't think it has anything to do with age, but rather, society.
    - If the INTP girl live around SJs (like me), she would really stick out with all the nerdiness and science stuff
    - If she live around NTs, she will be more of a feeler (because of the inferior Fe need) so these approach is unnecessary.
    - If she live around NFs, she will be more mature and generally open to any approach (hence why NTxNF relationship is the best, according to Kiersey)
    - If she live around SPs, she will be more... random... but introverted.

    EDIT: 8. Is there any meaning if you do not ask questions very often? Also, assuming I ask you about something and you give a well thought out answer, would you be interested in knowing how I feel about the particular matter? If so, would you ask me how I felt about the issue?
    Maybe the INTP isn't interested in that particular topic, but not in YOU. And I personally like returning the question, but HATE it when the other party doing that to me. Depends on what that 'particular matter' is. Some INTPs are curios, so maybe they will ask.

    9. Does it matter how a conversation ends during texting? If so, how would you prefer it to end?
    TBH, I never know how to end conversation, so I just left whenever: (1) the conversation become uninteresting and boring, (2) the other party talks about some mundane thing, or some bulshit, (3) things starts get emotional, (4) I've spent a lot of time.
    I will just leave like that (and doesn't actually think that would annoy the other party)
    It doesn't really matter, actually.

    I understand these questions can be quite personal. I'd appreciate responses to any of these questions!

    For those interested in my motive..
    Its probably quite obvious, but I'm interested in an INTP girl. I welcome the slow approach with open arms. My journey began in late November and I am progressing slowly by texting her every few days. Met once in person, but could not meet again yet due to finals and then winter break. Oh, I should probably mention that I knew her since last year but did talk to her regularly since late November. I think that the earliest I would consider making a move is mid-late February which would depend on the quantity and quality of our real life meetings. Speaking of which, if it isn't too much of a bother, how often do you think is ideal to meet a week? Would that differentiate if you were interested in the other person or meeting as a friend? What "date" ideas would you recommend? (I know she enjoys working out, reading, TV and hanging with friends)


    No probs
    Depending on how interested she is to you. If she thinks you're smart and can talk with you about a lot of things, of at least if you are interested in her ideas and doesn't think of them as silly, then if would be more often. If not, then you'd better not bothering her. If I'm meeting some 'friends', I will be very introverted and more likely to listen than talk. If I'm meeting someone I'm interested in, I will talk more (about my random ideas). And there, you know what to do.

    Good luck!


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