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Questions for INTP Women

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This is a discussion on Questions for INTP Women within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by DudeGuy Sex is serious business, it can objectively lead to things like babies, hurt feelings and STDs. ...

  1. #41
    INTP


    Quote Originally Posted by DudeGuy View Post
    Sex is serious business, it can objectively lead to things like babies, hurt feelings and STDs. Also, I can't really do it without feeling something emotional.
    I tend to agree with what @DudeGuy responded with above.

    In addition to this, difficulties from sexual relationships that are not taken serious (not based on emotional bonding), are that they might lead to onesided intimacy problems, where one person become more overwhelmed in intimacy while the other might not take the relationship seriously enough. I'm not saying I can't be casual about sex, but I'm very cautious about who I might get involved with and what are their expectations.
    DudeGuy and INTPoetry thanked this post.

  2. #42
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by DudeGuy View Post
    why does it seem like people don't have questions for INTP men. and why does it seem that the questions for INTP women threads are nearly identical.
    no offense, but like almost all men, you are far less complicated.

    *whispers*
    (...it's a very, very good thing...)

  3. #43

    Quote Originally Posted by zobot View Post
    no offense, but like almost all men, you are far less complicated.

    *whispers*
    (...it's a very, very good thing...)
    Well that's disparaging.
    RestlessCryptid thanked this post.

  4. #44

    Bonjour,

    Yes, avoiding her to provoke a reaction is a game. I'm not saying whether that's right or wrong, but it's not your authentic action, so whatever her response, it won't be to your authentic self. Basically it's a flawed experiment because you have no way of knowing what the results mean.

    There are too many things you can't know with certainty that could lead to reasons why she's behaving how she is. She could be doing this, or that, or meaning this or that. You will have to J yourself into an answer if you can't get the information out of her, which means you have a fair chance of getting it wrong.

    So I'd say skip all this games nonsense and be straight. Tell her you find her very interesting (or whatever you want to say) and that you'd like to get to know her better (we like to be understood) or just ask her questions about herself, show interest. Especially good things to ask are things she will consider meaningful and important, questions about morals, values, "what would you do if___" can be fun and informative.

    Personally I would lay it all on the table and give her space to make a decision, but I understand that's a ballsy move. Do consider though that you'll confuse the poor sausage with all this "does she, doesn't she" pussyfooting, she might as well be sat there wondering what on earth you want with you being so reactive to everything she does. You seem scared of her. That mirrors back a strange view of her to herself.

    As to whether she plays games with you or not, that's going to depend on her as an individual and what she's learned is socially appropriate behaviour from her surroundings growing up, I'm an INTP 100% against BS, games, anything that isn't authenticity, but I also have the confidence, maturity (approx 30 now, was a lot more prone to skittishness as a young person) and Self enough to face rejection, she might not be that emotionally grown yet. So she might just be afraid of making a fool of herself, getting rejected, etc. If she's an INTP consider that she's going to have likely felt like a pariah among her female contemporaries. I've personally never met another INTP in person, let alone a female. That means she's used to feeling judged negatively on how "womanly" she is (some FJs can be bloody vicious if people don't conform to gender roles), and I'd be surprised if not most INTP females develop some insecurity about that, which would show itself most when facing the prospect of romantic rejection, all the old feelings will surface subconsciously. A young INTP can easily obscure their emotional response (of which they can be unaware) by rationalising their cautious or self protective actions. She might not know why she's acting like this either.

    INTPs must understand. So if she's acting weird, she probably doesn't understand. Enlighten her, and you will both be better off for it. Worst case she'll freak out and turn into a psycho bitch, and then you've lost nothing because the person you wanted to be with doesn't exist. Return to basics and keep it simple, you are overcomplicating - at the heart of this issue you have one primary goal (find out how she feels, try to pursue relationship), and you have very easy ways of getting there if you focus on what's important. If what you're doing isn't taking you towards your goal, get yourself back on course with a different action. And for god's sake don't be telling any lies or you're toast. Best of luck.
    World Tuner thanked this post.

  5. #45

    Quote Originally Posted by zobot View Post
    no offense, but like almost all men, you are far less complicated.

    *whispers*
    (...it's a very, very good thing...)
    I don't feel complicated. Everyone on internet assumes I'm a guy, I pretty much think and write like one. There's nothing masculine about me in person. I don't know, I think people are puzzled. I defy everything they expect women should be. But if you throw your expectations out the window, an INTP woman should technically be easier to understand for men since we're closer to a typical masculine personality.
    zobot, INTPoetry, RestlessCryptid and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #46
    INTP - The Thinkers

    1. Is this true for other INTP women? What about you?
    I've never met another INTP woman. I could never have sex outside of a serious relationship (marriage), for religious as well as personal reasons. I don't think of a relationship as a means to sex or vice versa.

    2. INTPs are known for the oblivious nature; what would you consider "flirtation"? Examples? What kinds or forms of flirtation would make you happy?
    -An amazing smile that makes me feel like summer sunshine is melting the ice.
    -Death glare.
    -Act kind of shy but like you're trying to reach out anyway.
    -Eye contact.
    -Stare at me.

    Or just act the opposite of what you normally would; i.e. if you're outgoing act shy, or if you're shy act a little bit more outgoing.
    The deviation from normal is what I'll notice first. Note: this only works if I know or can guess your normal behavioral patterns.

    3. Needless to say, there are few absolutes. How often would you consider this slow approach to be successful, if at all?
    Last it happened I initiated a conversation. Need I say more?

    4. For you, about how long would the "test" be? In general, how long would you suggest getting to know someone before trying to take things a step further?
    Step further as in dating? Three questions: Do you like them? Do you trust them? Would you marry them?
    If I can answer the first two questions yes and the third without screaming "HECK NO!!!!!!!!!" then we might have something.

    4. How would you act uninterested? (e.g. short responses, not/never initiating contact, avoiding eye contact...ect?)

    All of the above.

    5. Conversely, how would you act interested? Considering that many INTPs rarely initiate contact regardless of interest, does it mean anything if you do not text first?
    Staring at you. I often stare at people I like or am thinking about, and this is often unconscious. Not texting first means nothing.

    6. I've read that some INTP women tend to act cold to guys that they are not interested in. How would you do this? Can you differentiate that scenario with the "uninterested" one?
    I try to act moderately friendly with everyone (for an INTP). So I don't treat anyone coldly unless they're rude.

    7. Would you consider this tactic more popular among older or younger INTP women? About how old are you? Could you see yourself becoming like this in the future?
    I have no idea. Upper end of Gen. Z. No.

    EDIT: 8. Is there any meaning if you do not ask questions very often? Also, assuming I ask you about something and you give a well thought out answer, would you be interested in knowing how I feel about the particular matter? If so, would you ask me how I felt about the issue?
    Probably not. I personally spend a lot of time around Fe doms. and auxs so I'm pretty used to hearing what people have to say about what I think. I would assume if you had anything you wanted me to know you would tell me, and if you didn't I wouldn't ask. Unless I felt very comfortable with you and I thought what I said was very brilliant/insightful.

    9. Does it matter how a conversation ends during texting? If so, how would you prefer it to end?
    I like ends to have endings. If we're have a full-fledged conversation don't just drop off the face of the planet! That might be just me though.
    World Tuner thanked this post.

  7. #47
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPoetry View Post
    Bonjour,

    Yes, avoiding her to provoke a reaction is a game. I'm not saying whether that's right or wrong, but it's not your authentic action, so whatever her response, it won't be to your authentic self. Basically it's a flawed experiment because you have no way of knowing what the results mean.

    There are too many things you can't know with certainty that could lead to reasons why she's behaving how she is. She could be doing this, or that, or meaning this or that. You will have to J yourself into an answer if you can't get the information out of her, which means you have a fair chance of getting it wrong.

    So I'd say skip all this games nonsense and be straight. Tell her you find her very interesting (or whatever you want to say) and that you'd like to get to know her better (we like to be understood) or just ask her questions about herself, show interest. Especially good things to ask are things she will consider meaningful and important, questions about morals, values, "what would you do if___" can be fun and informative.

    Personally I would lay it all on the table and give her space to make a decision, but I understand that's a ballsy move. Do consider though that you'll confuse the poor sausage with all this "does she, doesn't she" pussyfooting, she might as well be sat there wondering what on earth you want with you being so reactive to everything she does. You seem scared of her. That mirrors back a strange view of her to herself.

    As to whether she plays games with you or not, that's going to depend on her as an individual and what she's learned is socially appropriate behaviour from her surroundings growing up, I'm an INTP 100% against BS, games, anything that isn't authenticity, but I also have the confidence, maturity (approx 30 now, was a lot more prone to skittishness as a young person) and Self enough to face rejection, she might not be that emotionally grown yet. So she might just be afraid of making a fool of herself, getting rejected, etc. If she's an INTP consider that she's going to have likely felt like a pariah among her female contemporaries. I've personally never met another INTP in person, let alone a female. That means she's used to feeling judged negatively on how "womanly" she is (some FJs can be bloody vicious if people don't conform to gender roles), and I'd be surprised if not most INTP females develop some insecurity about that, which would show itself most when facing the prospect of romantic rejection, all the old feelings will surface subconsciously. A young INTP can easily obscure their emotional response (of which they can be unaware) by rationalising their cautious or self protective actions. She might not know why she's acting like this either.

    INTPs must understand. So if she's acting weird, she probably doesn't understand. Enlighten her, and you will both be better off for it. Worst case she'll freak out and turn into a psycho bitch, and then you've lost nothing because the person you wanted to be with doesn't exist. Return to basics and keep it simple, you are overcomplicating - at the heart of this issue you have one primary goal (find out how she feels, try to pursue relationship), and you have very easy ways of getting there if you focus on what's important. If what you're doing isn't taking you towards your goal, get yourself back on course with a different action. And for god's sake don't be telling any lies or you're toast. Best of luck.
    Hello!

    I find everything you said to be well thought out and logical. After minimal contemplation, I did realize that it was a game. What is really strange for me is that I don't intend to play games and the thought of it used to repulse me. I believe that I am so lost that I may be willing to do whatever a friend suggests.

    Let me clarify one thing. I may seem like a mess over here with all the over thinking and what not, but none of this is apparent when I talk to her. I am a confident in my self awareness and I have reread past conversations when I am calmer. In the moment of possible rejection/being ignored, I realize I get depressed and perhaps start over thinking, but I realize that is the worst time to talk to someone. By the time I reach out again, you cannot tell I was any different. She also doesn't know about my observations.

    It's strange, but I am the kind of person that naturally "changes" in the moment. By myself, I am somewhat cynical and reclusive. But when talking to other people, I notice that I talk differently. It's hard to describe but I guess I would say friendlier. I feel like my personality shifted a bit. I want to note that this isn't the product of peer pressure or anything like that. I naturally begin to think and feel differently.

    The point is that even though I may appear to be scared and nervous and what not, it is only because I only really talk about my worries here. I don't censor anything too. Usually, I am confident and you would almost never be able to tell otherwise.

    I don't mean to sound argumentative...I just have this want to clarify. What I really like about INTPs is the desire to understand. I am the same way.

    Back on topic, do you mean to confess by "laying it all on the table"? If so, does in person or text have any difference in your opinion? I believe that in person would be better, but as of late, I have been worrying about securing a meeting. I plan to see this to the end so worst case scenario, I would have to send it over messenger.

    I have been pretty straightforward so far. Your suggestions are very helpful as I've been running out of things to ask.

    I have confused myself with the "does she" stuff already, but what I like to do is come up with likely scenarios and consider the likelihood of each one. Then I ask myself how that changes anything. I am fully aware that I will not know for sure, but this helps calm myself down.

    Lately, I have been wondering what I should do and your suggested course of action seems like my best bet. No need to worry about telling lies! I'm more than good in that respect. Out of curiosity, have you read the majority of my posts? It seems to me that you have read a lot of what I wrote. Regardless, I really appreciate your help!
    INTPoetry thanked this post.

  8. #48
    INTP - The Thinkers

    1. Is this true for other INTP women? What about you?
    (I'm not sure which statement you're referring to so I'll answer both.)

    Yes, I do tend to lead people on but that is just all part of the test. Whenever somebody tries to initiate flirtation, I always pretend like I'm uninterested even if I actually am.

    First, I don't usually lead people on. I get to the point. If someone seems interested, but then stops talking for weeks, I'll ask them if they're not interested so we can both pursue someone else. If they are, I'll tell them that I was worried that I did something wrong. If they were busy, shrug of the shoulders. Also, I'm the flirt.

    I feel like getting 'physical' would be easier for those who are lesser in the feeling department, because they can view sex in a more objective fashion?

    Because I am lesser in the feeling department, I make up for it through actions, and sex is among them. I do not view sex objectively, but I find it to be a very important part in my relationships for validation. Physically, emotionally, etc.

    2. INTPs are known for the oblivious nature; what would you consider "flirtation"? Examples? What kinds or forms of flirtation would make you happy?

    Not even going to consider that us INTPs are the ones flirting are you? Haha.I'm not really all that oblivious. I can tune things out and be oblivious to what's going on around me, but I am pretty in tune with other people and their body language. All that.

    I start off slow first. I'll point out that I like guys who have this or that feature that they coincidentally have. Partially to give them a compliment, but mainly for a confidence booster. I want them to be comfortable so I can be comfortable too. Then I'll start on the more obvious stuff like “You might make me swoon!” After that comes terrible puns.

    If someone is flirting with me, I don't want them to say the same old thing. Something charming. Almost that stereotypical rogue stuff. Does that make sense?

    3. Needless to say, there are few absolutes. How often would you consider this slow approach to be successful, if at all?

    I think this will work best if you stop thinking about her as her type. INTPs feel emotions just like any other types. It's just that when they do, they fight it because it feels irrational so they shove it away. But deep down, they're big goopy messes of emotions that will probably surprise you when you find out how much they like cuddling.

    4. For you, about how long would the "test" be? In general, how long would you suggest getting to know someone before trying to take things a step further?

    I don't know. This sort of stuff is something that always happened naturally for me. There was just a time it felt right to move in closer.

    4. How would you act uninterested? (e.g. short responses, not/never initiating contact, avoiding eye contact...ect?)

    I just wouldn't talk to you in general.

    5. Conversely, how would you act interested? Considering that many INTPs rarely initiate contact regardless of interest, does it mean anything if you do not text first?

    I would talk to you. I get excited to see texts from my crush and I'll wait 5-10 minutes to reply because I don't want to seem clingy. I'm just really giddy about talking to you. Sort of embarrassing, really.

    I can also be a big dork. Sometimes I get really flustered if they start flirting too. Sometimes I'll try to impress you by probably doing something really embarrassing.

    6. I've read that some INTP women tend to act cold to guys that they are not interested in. How would you do this? Can you differentiate that scenario with the "uninterested" one?

    I wouldn't talk to you again. I'm never intentionally cold unless I think you're a d-bag. Not sure what you're asking.

    7. Would you consider this tactic more popular among older or younger INTP women? About how old are you? Could you see yourself becoming like this in the future?

    I don't normally observe other women's dating/flirting habits. 21. No.

    EDIT: 8. Is there any meaning if you do not ask questions very often? Also, assuming I ask you about something and you give a well thought out answer, would you be interested in knowing how I feel about the particular matter? If so, would you ask me how I felt about the issue?

    If I ask a lot of questions, it's because I am nervous. If I don't ask any questions, I'm not interested. If I am asking questions, but not all the time, I'm testing our interactions to see if we click.

    I would ask you your opinion, yes. And it's okay if the conversation melts into a different question, but if you go off on a long-winded tangent after I've asked your opinion on a question, I'll likely tune it out. I won't hate you for it, but I'll get bored.

    9. Does it matter how a conversation ends during texting? If so, how would you prefer it to end?

    Just don't leave me hanging. It's okay to say that you are really tired and need to go to bed in the middle of a conversation. It's okay to say that you're busy and that you'll text me later.
    ____________

    Advice: Be straightforward, but not aggressive. Let her know how you feel. If something is wrong.

    If your worry is that you don't know how she's feeling about you, I think this would be the best way to find out.

    Tell her that you like her, but you don't know if she feels the same and how you'd want to remain friends regardless. Point out that you've been worried about her lack of texting in a nonchalant way. "Hey! Haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you're alright or that I didn't say anything offensive."

    She'll explain her side if she cares about you. I don't think that's an INTP thing. I think the average person would try to explain why they haven't responded to someone they like.

    So if she doesn't respond, you don't need that in your life.
    Last edited by Juggernaut; 01-21-2016 at 03:11 AM.
    World Tuner thanked this post.

  9. #49
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Flamme et Citron View Post
    I don't feel complicated. Everyone on internet assumes I'm a guy, I pretty much think and write like one. There's nothing masculine about me in person. I don't know, I think people are puzzled. I defy everything they expect women should be. But if you throw your expectations out the window, an INTP woman should technically be easier to understand for men since we're closer to a typical masculine personality.
    Yep


     
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