[INTP] INTP--INTP dating... should I be seeking it out again?

INTP--INTP dating... should I be seeking it out again?

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This is a discussion on INTP--INTP dating... should I be seeking it out again? within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I dated an INTP girl briefly, and I was super excited about her, but for various reasons it didn't work ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    INTP--INTP dating... should I be seeking it out again?

    I dated an INTP girl briefly, and I was super excited about her, but for various reasons it didn't work out (although I wish it had). I've usually dated ExxJ types before, and this INTP experience was so different, it made me really happy. My girlfriend before her was ESFJ... the opposite of me, and now I see that we were too different.

    Do you all think that a relationship might be missing something if I don't have someone with a few different traits (such as J)? I'm a very strong P, and also strong in N, but more balanced in T/F and I/E although I'm definitely a science-y introvert type at the core. I've grown frustrated with the extreme-J types I've dated in the past, and I think another INTP (or ENTP) is just what I need, but I'd like your perspectives.

    I'm also really passionate about music, and it makes me wonder if I need an F instead of T type... but I love emotional stuff as well as thinking-type things. My real question may be: how to find a balanced girl who is into music as well as math and science like I am?

    Thanks for any input... I'm pretty new to personality-type stuff, but it's really fascinating me now that I experienced how different it was to date another INTP. It changed my perspectives on my past relationships, and the women who I used to think of as my "dream girls" suddenly don't seem appealing to me any more... it was neat to find someone who really understood me. Do I need another INTP to find that again, or would ENTP or maybe INFP also be a good match? Or do I need that "J" balance even though I am tired of the "J"s in my past?
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  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I'm currently dating an INFP girl, and we get along very well. She's in favor of spending quite a few nights at home watching movies, playing games, or just chatting. It's really wonderful. Previously, I dated an ESFP and it was a disaster. She always wanted to go out with large groups of people, and got upset with me when the constant socialization would exhaust me. So, my point is that I think a few differences are good, but beware of polar opposites (and yes, I recognize that disaster girl was really only 75% opposite).

  3. #3
    INTP - The Thinkers

    We seem to have a couple of threads like this, so I'll copy and paste what I said in the other one.

    MBTI isn't terribly good at saying what type you should date. Date the woman, not the type. Any two types can make a good relationship, it's just that some kinds of relationships will be more work than others. What MBTI *is* good at is pointing out potential problem areas, and how to fix them. The main thing is to work out a way so that one side can fulfill a need of the other side in a way that is, if not natural, then at least consistent with their nature.

    Just to give one example, INFx types need constant emotional reassurance. INTPs do not naturally provide this. We tend to think that if we said, "I love you," 6 months ago, it should be obvious that we still feel the same way now. However, we *can* learn to say it more often - this is consistent with our natures. By contrast, if an F-type is telling us a story with only F-content (they're telling us all about a messy divorce some friends of ours are going to), then we can't really respond to it. At most, we can say, "That makes me feel sad," and even that doesn't come naturally. It's not consistent with our natures to be able to respond to pure F-content. So the INFx is going to have to learn to throw us a T in there somewhere. We'll fight to the burger to help our friends, but we're not terribly good at just reassuring people. (Unless we can learn to see *that* as a way of solving a problem.)

    INTP-INTP has some upsides - you'll have a lot of interests in common. The downside is that you'll have a lot of weaknesses in common too. For example, there's a good chance that you'll get into a fight at some point, and you'll both give logical reasons for your positions. This will not be particularly helpful if the dispute is really about values, not facts. You're both going to have to work on your Fs.

    INTP-INFP would probably be easier. I'm involved with one right now :). Main thing is that she'd need constant emotional reassurance about, well, everything, and she'd need to be encouraged to engage with your intellectual side. Also, somebody is going to have to make sure the bills get paid on time, etc. I think INFPs might be a bit better than INTPs about that, esp. if they can think of it as helping *you*.

    INFJ is probably the sweet spot, but a bit more work. Unfortunately, they're probably the rarest type, so good luck finding one. At least you've got gender on your side. They have Ni, so they also have a silly streak, but it's buried, unlike our Ne, and you'll have to dodge her Fe gatekeeper to get to it. Take care not to piss her off - INFJs are bad about holding grudges. It might be easier to engage with an INFJ intellectually, but she'd be using Ni to process it, which takes more time and energy than our Ti. She'd be good about getting bills paid on time, but might be a bit exasperated with our carefree timekeeping ways.

    And the music thing is perfectly consistent with INTP. Music is one of the few areas of life where our inferior Fe is allowed out to play, because Ti is so involved that it can't keep babysitting Fe. If you want to show a loved one how you're feeling, playing them a song that expresses it might be a good way of going about it.

    There is also a strong mathematical component to music. So it might not be a bad idea to go hang around a university music department, and see if you can't snag somebody who has an interest in math. You can figure out her type later :).
    Kestrel and yitznewton thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Dude. If anything, check out the functions.

    Introverted Thinking

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality

    I am an intp who chronically dates mostly only other intps. I love them. Sometimes its great, sometimes its volatile. Depends on the person more than the type, really. I mean any individual can have all things in them needed to cope, function, exist, prosper -- so two ppl of the same type do too.. its all about the chemistry. And how much you -get along-.
    Kestrel, yitznewton, Cover3 and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I'm in an INTP/INTP relationship. I was previously in an INFP relationship.
    I doubt any type is perfect. The INFP relationship seemed perfect at first, but soon died a slow painful death. I would like to think a more healthy/secure INFP would make a great partner for an INTP. INFJ is often mentioned, as is ENTJ-- I have trouble imagining that but ok..
    My INTP relationship has been good- very stable, relatively conflict free. Now we're at the point where the blissful phase seems to be ending (after nearly a year), and I'm having trouble adjusting

  7. #7


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