I'm coping pretty well. School is going well. I'm getting on with my friends (most of the time). I'm emotionally stable. Gosh, I'm even being sufficiently creative. Yes, there are things I'd like to change, or achieve, or improve about my life, but the majority are somewhat out of my control or something I can do later...like getting a job, or getting a boyfriend, or losing weight. Aside from that, and the usual stress of school and housework and people, I'm content.
Help. It's awful.
I used to spend ages on PerC, or looking into MBTI stuff or the Enneagram, and it was wonderful. I felt like I was growing and gaining true insight into myself and other people. I'm worried that it's over. That's it. I've taken everything from that experience that I needed.
Part of me feels that returning to PerC and resuming my slight obsession with personality types would be a step backwards. After all, wasn't it the drive to better myself that I developed here the thing that told me to move on and live in the real world a bit more?
But now I feel so average. I have the same boring problems as everyone else and find satisfaction in boring, monotonous, everyday crap. I waste my time looking at nice pictures and listening to nice music and watching films and TV shows and talking to my friends about attractive people and body image and how difficult exams are and how we don't know what to do with our lives and it feels like enough, but it's not. I've lost myself to being average.
I want to go back to being a hopeless, misunderstood, quiet, intelligent idiot.
I'm not really sure what the point of this post was, but I keep returning to this exact same thought every couple of weeks or months or whatever, and I really need to make up my mind about how to deal with it. Share your experiences, or tell me how stupid I am, or feel free to comment on any part of my rant.
I'd just like to understand how I'm feeling a bit better.