[INTP] Relationships between similar (MBTI) types and opposite types. INTPs and XXXX types.

Relationships between similar (MBTI) types and opposite types. INTPs and XXXX types.

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This is a discussion on Relationships between similar (MBTI) types and opposite types. INTPs and XXXX types. within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Clarify: I don't just mean opposite types, but different types. I've heard a couple of people describe relationships between different ...

  1. #1
    INTP


    Relationships between similar (MBTI) types and opposite types. INTPs and XXXX types.

    Clarify: I don't just mean opposite types, but different types.

    I've heard a couple of people describe relationships between different types, that if you are too much alike, your relationship might not be as exciting or stimulating. If two peoples types in a relationship are opposites, it might be more exciting and stimulating, but there also may be more conflict involved. What are your views and experiences?
    Last edited by Dasein; 06-09-2016 at 07:50 AM.
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  2. #2
    INTP

    I'm in a stable and happy relationship with an ESFP. I think that deeper chemistry, relationship and love cannot be explained by MBTI categories.
    I'll just say that I would've never predicted me ending up with anyone other than an INxx, but boy was I wrong. The most important element in a stable relationship is your mutual ability to communicate problems/fears/etc. without breaking into a destructive fight.

  3. #3
    INTP


    I don't think being the same type means less conflict. It just means your evaluation mechanisms are similar. So, on the contrary, instead of embracing your differences and avoiding conflict, you get to fight over which evaluation is true.

    In other words, it can be more contentious, because it's never "I see your point of view, it's just different" it's "You're wrong, because our point of view is on the same yardstick, and yours has obvious errors." That's fun.

    Still, to me it's worth it. Mostly because I use my partner shamelessly to find the truth. I couldn't exist in a relativist situation for long. It's fun for play, but not every day.
    Dasein, Necrofantasia, kaleidoscope and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INTP


    Quote Originally Posted by Eryngo View Post
    I don't think being the same type means less conflict. It just means your evaluation mechanisms are similar. So, on the contrary, instead of embracing your differences and avoiding conflict, you get to fight over which evaluation is true.

    In other words, it can be more contentious, because it's never "I see your point of view, it's just different" it's "You're wrong, because our point of view is on the same yardstick, and yours has obvious errors." That's fun.

    Still, to me it's worth it. Mostly because I use my partner shamelessly to find the truth. I couldn't exist in a relativist situation for long. It's fun for play, but not every day.
    Yes. That kind of conflict, where both people can use their differing views to find truth would be positive in my opinion. It is trying to rationalize with someone who is irrational or can be easily influenced into irrational decision making that I would find undesirable conflict with.

  5. #5
    INTP


    Quote Originally Posted by INTonyP View Post
    Yes. That kind of conflict, where both people can use their differing views to find truth would be positive in my opinion. It is trying to rationalize with someone who is irrational or can be easily influenced into irrational decision making that I would find undesirable conflict with.
    Yeah...irrationality is only short-term sexy.
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  6. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I assume you mean romantic relationships.

    With an ESFJ (Opposite function order) I don't see it happening for me personally. They are way too stubborn, short sighted and traditional for me to deal with. The benefits would be the ESFJ taking care of me, essentially being like my mom whom is an ESFJ, but beyond that there's nothing else as an incentive for me to date one.

    With an ENTJ (opposite functions) I can see it happening. I am very good friends with an ENTJ and I've found that our natural dynamic is something that could be fun in a relationship. Not with him though, I'd prefer a sexy ENTJ female. The main benefit for both of us in this relationship is the fact that we would complement each other since we don't share any cognitive functions. But we still relate to each other because we're NTs and think logically.
    Dasein thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by INTonyP View Post
    I've heard a couple of people describe relationships between different types, that if you are too much alike, your relationship might not be as exciting or stimulating.
    Exciting and stimulating isn't everything. I had a good relationship with a man for 3 years; it ended because of our inability to resolve a certain practical problem. But other than that, it was lovely and peaceful. We lived in a very isolated and beautiful place. He was always building or fixing something (usually in his workshop or someplace out of my sight), and I was either doing housework type stuff or going for long walks. Most of our interaction consisted of eating dinner together and then watching TV. We slept on completely different schedules (he'd wake up at 5 am, which is just when I'd be going to bed). He was the quiet hero type, cop/redneck/US Marines, and I'm the hippie type, but we didn't argue. We didn't talk much at all. We got along fine. Heaven! I consider him the love of my life. Don't know his type. Maybe ISFJ or ISTJ.

    Exciting and stimulating could be good too. Every relationship is different; you have to appreciate each one for what it is.

    Edit: No, I think exciting and stimulating would just wear me out. Even intellectual stimulation. I need someone who leaves me alone most of the time and appreciates that I will do the same for him.
    Last edited by islandlight; 06-09-2016 at 10:54 AM.
    kittenmogu and chanteuse thanked this post.

  8. #8

    I think combining Enneagram, which is much accurate in defining people's inner selves, their fears, desires etc. with MBTI can help reducing relationship conflicts.

    By the way, romantic relationships can be more fruitful if there is some variety and diversity but friendships will be more relaxing if we pair up with a similar person.

    Example- I am 4w5.

    1) I had a crush on an INTJ (Enneagram 5) in my childhood but now I realise being with him constantly can be boring. Though I can relax around him more than my best friend.

    2) In contrast, my best friend is ISFP (also, Enneagram 5), so there are opportunities enough for friendship while she is never boring. If she was male, I would have proposed for marriage.
    kittenmogu thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by As if View Post
    I'm in a stable and happy relationship with an ESFP. I think that deeper chemistry, relationship and love cannot be explained by MBTI categories.
    I'll just say that I would've never predicted me ending up with anyone other than an INxx, but boy was I wrong. The most important element in a stable relationship is your mutual ability to communicate problems/fears/etc. without breaking into a destructive fight.
    Such a relationship really hinges on open, proactive and constructive communication, something not everyone is capable of.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mindbot View Post
    I assume you mean romantic relationships.

    With an ESFJ (Opposite function order) I don't see it happening for me personally. They are way too stubborn, short sighted and traditional for me to deal with. The benefits would be the ESFJ taking care of me, essentially being like my mom whom is an ESFJ, but beyond that there's nothing else as an incentive for me to date one.
    My experiences dating S types have been akin to subsisting on bread, I'm alive but I am malnourished. There have been exceptions but they are few.
    Most F types, with the exception of intellectually oriented ones exhaust me and make me feel like I'm walking on eggshells because they see slights and hostile dynamics I could never even imagine most of the time.
    So yeah, I know there'd be exceptions that would be phenomenal but thus far dealing with SFs has been unbearable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mindbot View Post
    With an ENTJ (opposite functions) I can see it happening. I am very good friends with an ENTJ and I've found that our natural dynamic is something that could be fun in a relationship. Not with him though, I'd prefer a sexy ENTJ female. The main benefit for both of us in this relationship is the fact that we would complement each other since we don't share any cognitive functions. But we still relate to each other because we're NTs and think logically.
    I used to really dig the idea of dating an ENTJ until I realized they are only attractive from a distance, from a strictly theoretical standpoint. If I had to live with my very own personal despot I'd probably assassinate him or desert him eventually as we would never see each other as equals.

    Of course this is barring some freak-of-nature scenario where the guy is intelligent/seductive enough to feed me just enough reasons to continue. I had this with an ENFJ actually, insane chemistry. Fe over Fi really makes a huge difference and a mature, intelligent guy with developed or dominant Fe is surprisingly hard to resist.

    Complementing functions are nice in theory, not so much in practice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Muskaan View Post
    I think combining Enneagram, which is much accurate in defining people's inner selves, their fears, desires etc. with MBTI can help reducing relationship conflicts.
    Enneagram to me is like playing Twister with motivations instead of colours. Slowly trying to figure out mine.

  10. #10
    Unknown

    I am looking for a relationship described by @islandlight , after thinking realistically about who I am. I think I'd better be with introvert dominating MBTI types (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi dom) who are not inherently verbal or overtly romantic in day to day life. To be sustainable in a LTR, both parties need to be the authentic self and able to co-exist in peace and harmony most of the time, which means having some similarities and some complementary differences. Another important factor is communicating timely and openly, not turning glitches into cancer. Some people were raised to avoid conflict therefore it is ingrained. Temporary truce is only masking, not curing.
    kittenmogu thanked this post.


     
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