ugh. here again. always in moments of internal crisis. I hate myself already for my rambling. Sorry for the novel I am about to write all over this thread.
Not only is my boyfriend an INTP, but he is an upperclass British INTP. The british upperclass alone have their own language, which, from what I have gathered over the years, consists of underestimating everything (when something is absolutley fantastic=not bad. when you're violently sick and vomiting your insides out=feeling a bit under the weather) and generally not showing emotion, save maybe elation, esp for the men. Seeing as he is proud of and adheres to his british background, its a double threat combined with being an INTP. The lack of extroverted feeling/showing emotion.
And I am sort of an idiot when it comes to relationships myself. Oh, and I am an INFP. That part about approaching everything with Fi first makes me trust NOTHING I think about relationships, because I always doubt how much logic really went into that thought.
Is there some concrete sign that an INTP loves you? I think in most situations one would say, "If you have to ask, it's probably a no" but for this particular case, aka my boyfriend, I really do. The way he treats all of his relationships, close friends and family, is to expect he can call and hang out when it comes to mind and when he has finished whatever project he's doing. They may go weeks or months without hearing from him, then he'll pick up the phone and say, "hey, lets go to lunch". They go to lunch, its great, then they won't hear again from him until....? Whenever it strikes him to call again or he needs something from them. Text messages have a low chance of being responded to, and definitley not in a timely fashion.
So, I give him credit for making the effort to call me once a week, pretty regularly. I don't think anyone else, not even his parents, can expect to hear from him that often, and knowing how chaotic he is, it does deserve mention. Ha, though he probably thinks I don't notice he always calls 30 min before dinner or very late at night before bed as a means to easily end the call.
When I go to visit, he always plans a wonderful stay, takes me to nice places, plans get togethers with friends (yes...planning, I find that also to be mention worthy for someone who's philosophy is if you leave it to the last minute it only takes a minute), and I always have a great time. As soon as I go back to my country however, it's always a question what the time inbetween visits will be like. Sometimes he's in a romantic mood and will call every other day and send me music/sheet music etc. though this is the more rare situation. More often than not it will be 4 weeks of one prescribed 30 min phone call per week, and the couple of txts I send go ignored 50% of the time. It really is as though it is how the moon strikes him that particular week.
So I am left feeling confused in those intermitant periods of zero affection, then I see him, going in with the expectation he will be somehow distant to me in person as well, but it simply depends. Somedays he is flirtatious and cuddly, others a robot. Makes me think of The Prestige...as though he has an identical twin which sometimes takes his place.
I don't know if I am being used, which is what I fear, because I am so very leniant to his personality. I think most girls wouldn't put up with it, definitley for not as long as I have. I do it because I love him and he is a fantastic, talented, good hearted person who I love being with. But as I said, this feeling of confusion, not knowing if he truly cares about me or if I am just a girlfriend he has found that he must put minimal effort into and still gets to have sex with, is causing me great anxiety. I think his character is much better than that, I have a hard time believeing he would do that, but, still, nonetheless, the thought crosses my mind, since he is young.
I have expressed these feelings to him before, he normally panics and says he's an idiot and will try harder, and he does for about a week, then everything goes back to how it is. I don't care really, honestly, how often he calls. I'm just not used to, or rather, this system of compartmentalising love into a certain order, "Ok. Call girlfriend, check. Now do this...." and being able to set it aside completley when involved with something else is....very foreign to me and hard to grasp. So I just need to be reassured it is possible for someone (namely INTP types) to love you and act that way (or... reassured it's not.)