This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by nadjasix No woman I can think of would be offended if you asked her "Do you have ...
After a little bit of exchange, ask her if she has a boyfriend. I am not saying that you have to talk to the girl for five years before asking the question. Watch her body language, is she comfortable in your presence? Has she shared a little smidgen of semi-private information (such as about her family, her friends, her political views, whatever)? These are indications that she will actually take you seriously when you ask about the bf.
You could go in with the boyfriend question right off hand but I really can't imagine a girl respecting you much. I mean I get asked that by random strangers and just feel awkward and am less inclined to even continue interaction with them. To me it's dumb to just see an attractive girl and immediately go in for the bait. She's a person first, and a prospective date second.
Last edited by kikikins; 04-29-2012 at 10:57 PM.
the lady doth approaches...
our lad stands, sheepishly looking at the floor and woefully to her face, oh um sorry... I, um, am not that familiar with popular songs and I thought I'd leave it up to the dj to select something that would, uh, speak to a woman such as yourself. Not that your derriere isn't lovely, or oh bloody hell. I just saw you sitting there and I didn't want to intrude... but I knew I'd regret this night if I didn't at least try to make some effort to say something to you. Maybe we could just start this over and I could say hello, if that's alright with you.
chick songs are better at karaoke bars and open mic nights... to work the crowd over a bit. Minnie Driver's Beloved is a good one to go with... a bit more of masculine spin on it though still reaching the targeted demographic.
All this would be much easier if I had a small social circle, or at least a couple regular friends who could introduce me or at least show me the doors. I don't even really have a social circle at work, just a couple people who will say whats up to me when our paths cross. But it is work after all. Most people are there to make money not friends, but ironically seem to make friends.
My old store, I actually had at least one person I could call a "friend" we would even call each other and chat even after he transferred out. After a while we just fell out of touch because he has his own life. Same with my other buddy I knew from a while back. Now its like, "what the hell, happened?" Every since I moved, it feels pretty much like no one will even talk to me.
I guess part of that is me and this INTP (if I can even call it that). Perhaps I really have turned cynical and others pick up on this. Or see me as some snobby jerk who don't have the time to talk to anyone, when all they have to do is engage me. But my blunt answers to their "what's up" may be one issue. I usually just say, Not much, because, well, there is not much!?
I can kind of force myself to small talk with customers and usually have someone laughing in no time. Its my job to engage customers so I figured I would use this as an excuse to at least practice talking.
And of course, then I can expect to get asked out and no matter how many times I say no, they keep pushing so to me asking if I have a boyfriend is akin to cornering me and demanding attention. Do. Not. Like.
It really depends on the venue for me. Bookstore -- feel free to make a comment about the books I'm looking at, or ask me if I've read your favorite author, or if I'm into a specific genre. Same thing with a music store. On the bus/train, I don't mind if people ask about my school (my bookbag has my school logo on it) or about the books/newspaper I'm reading. I also enjoy it when people strike up conversations about other people they noticed on the train, particularly if some other group is having an interesting or silly conversation.
But yeah, hate the "do you have a boyfriend?" line. I don't mind it later on, but not as an intro.
I have pretty much always lived by, "Don't speak until spoken too" thus always assumed no one wanted to talk to me because they never came up and chatted.
I have been trying to at least say, hows it going, (persons name) to a few people when I get a chance. A lot of people especially on the front end are really busy, or I am. But usually when I get an answer and question back, I usually get stuck and give a one word response, like, "alright" when there are tons of stuff I could very easily say. Perhaps I am not as socially inept and shy as I thought I was. I just need to force (or at least fake) myself a bit more.
I am trying something and that is printing off a couple of my photos to see about hanging in the break room and passing out a few prints to a few select closer people there and figure if anyone else wants a copy they can just ask. I guess I am just baiting people but my photography is something I really don't share and real photographers don't see my work as nothing but mere snapshots. But then again, I don't see photography as an art.