[INTP] Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: - Page 161

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This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; SO. I fell in love. Or maybe it's a crush. Just a fling. But. I have no idea what to ...

  1. #1601
    INTP - The Thinkers

    SO.
    I fell in love. Or maybe it's a crush. Just a fling. But. I have no idea what to do.
    I think way too much about possible scenario's and how this or that might go.

    The story(as short as possible):
    Summerjob, 3rd year I worked there, sometimes work in the weekends.
    Great team, knew most people, just 3 newbies.
    One of them is 15 year old Polly.
    It's her first job ever.
    When we went out she came along. We talked pretty open about sex and whatnot thanks to one of the girls and her head got filled with dreams.
    She just wanted to make out with someone and liked me the most I guess.

    At the end of the summer the boss pays dinner for everyone, we all go out and party together.
    Obviously everybody is fucked up drunk.
    I'm talking with Polly and she's like: why are you so old and bla bla
    We end up making out in the club/bar.
    What the fuck am I doing? - But drunk me didn't really care that I'm 21 and she's 15.
    So we went out to the beach and fooled around a little bit.
    I didn't go too far, although I feel like I did.
    The day after was really awkward at work, but I'm mistah cool, still a little drunk and so simple from being tired; so no worries.
    She texted me and wanted to see me again, and after work we went walking, went to the beach again, made out, fooled around, talked.
    The day after that was her last day. Saying goodbye is pretty easy for me, as I never had the most stable life and wouldn't enjoy it either.
    She left, we texted a little, talked, she said she'd miss working there so bad, and didn't wanted to go back to school - highschool.
    She plays the piano and sings and had this song on her facebook. I listened to it and it's so beautiful.
    I told her and she recorded the full song for me.
    I melted.

    I went for a drink with a friend and suddenly she sent me this text: Sorry if I'm interrupting, but I'm a little stuck with this. What are we doing? I mean, just like some clarity.

    I replied that I have absolutely no idea and will come to see her soon, and that we should talk about it then.

    Now I've thought about some scenarios:
    1) Say I'm sorry, but she's too young. At some point we'll go too far and it will feel worse breaking it off in 2 months. So maybe we shouldn't like see eachother. I feel like this would be easiest; short pain. Deep pain, but she'll get over it and so will I?

    2) Give it a shot? Say I want to commit to a relationship. This goes entirely against who I am. I'm bad boyfriend material. But that might change? Hell, I wouldn't even know what's expected of a 'serious' relationship. Go to her singing recitals? Hang out with her friends?
    Take away the fact that I have no idea how a 'serious' relationship works, it would be really fucked up being in one with a 15 year old.

    3) Just see what happens? This is me. Just go with the flow. Although it seems that every relationship has this point where it needs to be defined - usually my biggest turnoff. Why can't we just hang out whenever we can? Do some stuff together. Fool around. Want to go on a holiday(wont really be possible with this girl), sure? Where? Marrakech? Okay. You prefer Paris? Sure thing.

    But now this 15 year old -that's making me totally crazy - wants me to define what we have. I can't even define who I am.
    Help me? anyone?

    Edit: Did I mention she's as cute as a girl can be? Like seriously.
    error thanked this post.

  2. #1602

    Mr.,
    I choose Number 1. You’re right, somebody will get hurt, almost guaranteed. Run away!
    Number 2 just isn’t you. So why go there?
    Number 3 is you, but this isn’t what she wants.
    I’ve been where you are and where she is, and I know there are a lot of strong emotions involved. But the answer seems pretty clear to me. Good luck!

  3. #1603

    I have some thoughts on INTPs and the Five Love Languages (gifts, physical touch, etc.), and would like to invite others' opinions/experiences. Would it be better to post here or start a new thread? Thanks.

  4. #1604
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by islandlight View Post
    Mr.,
    I choose Number 1. You’re right, somebody will get hurt, almost guaranteed. Run away!
    Number 2 just isn’t you. So why go there?
    Number 3 is you, but this isn’t what she wants.
    I’ve been where you are and where she is, and I know there are a lot of strong emotions involved. But the answer seems pretty clear to me. Good luck!
    Thanks.
    Normally I would definitly do that. It's an INTP's most logical choice. But what about the experience. About changing. About living. You can't have happy moments without sad moments - I think. INTP's are generally in between - I think. It's like I tried to make my life as easy as possible. After a time you can't be happy anymore. I'm happy about everything, but not like heel clicking on the street happy.
    So why not choose something else. I feel it's time for a change

    Thanks anyway, it might be the best answer, but shit, I can't break her heart now. Or mine. Not just yet..

  5. #1605
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. View Post
    Thanks.
    Normally I would definitly do that. It's an INTP's most logical choice. But what about the experience. About changing. About living. You can't have happy moments without sad moments - I think. INTP's are generally in between - I think. It's like I tried to make my life as easy as possible. After a time you can't be happy anymore. I'm happy about everything, but not like heel clicking on the street happy.
    So why not choose something else. I feel it's time for a change

    Thanks anyway, it might be the best answer, but shit, I can't break her heart now. Or mine. Not just yet..
    The mere fact that fucking a 15 year-old is illegal should send you running. Get the fuck out.

  6. #1606

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. View Post
    Thanks.
    Normally I would definitly do that. It's an INTP's most logical choice. But what about the experience. About changing. About living. You can't have happy moments without sad moments - I think. INTP's are generally in between - I think. It's like I tried to make my life as easy as possible. After a time you can't be happy anymore. I'm happy about everything, but not like heel clicking on the street happy.
    So why not choose something else. I feel it's time for a change

    Thanks anyway, it might be the best answer, but shit, I can't break her heart now. Or mine. Not just yet..
    Sure, if you want to go for love and pain and the whole damn thing (and maybe AIDS or whatever), do it with someone your own age--not with someone under parental rule, can't share many activities with you, etc., maybe it's even illegal for you to be with her. Will you look back fondly on this after you crash and burn? Will she? Some people look back on past relationships with fondness or as valuable "experiences," but I don't. Sometimes, because of the situation, we need to stand back and appreciate the person without getting all involved. Okay, maybe most relationships are pain and trouble and not worth it, and we just can't resist (boy can I relate to that). We are animals, after all, moths to the flame, lemmings over the leap. . . . But, well, you asked.

  7. #1607
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Mr.

    Since she's underage, you should speak to her parents. If you are an INTP, like me, it is remarkably hard to "melt" for anything other than knowledge. If you find yourself drawn to her for her talent, wit, and innate intelligence, I would recommend sticking around. These attributes probably will not leave her as she matures emotionally.

    But, how does she feel about you? Is it your INTP-ness that she adores, or your age and the fact that its risqué? If its the latter, get out now! Seriously, get your phone and call her up! My darling brother got his heart crushed by a girl he loved dearly for HER. But she loved him for his age and the inherent naughtiness of their relationship. He's pretty messed up about it.

    If you two decide to move forward, you must follow the rules her parents lay out for you. You are an adult, and in this situation she could legally be a victim. If you fuck her, her parents could press charges and you could end up a registered sex offender. Use your big brain on this one. And, realize that she is young and needs protecting from experiences beyond her mental and emotional capabilities. If you love her, you should explain why as an intelligent and ethical man, you need to keep things PG until she is at least 17 years old. If you can't do that, walk away. Be an adult and walk away, because she is a teenager and won't.

    Good Luck!

  8. #1608
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Merlin,

    It is only as important as you determine it to be. I personally am married to my freaking soul mate (INTJ male) and am so in love it's disturbing sometimes. Buuuut, I always dreamed of being single until I met Mr. Baker. If I hadn't been so attracted to him physically and intellectually, if he didn't make me feel like I could do anything I dream up, I would more than likely still be single and pretty happy.

    Do your thing, live your life, and be open. If you decide you're tired of being alone or if by chance you meet someone who makes you woozy with emotion...engage. Don't think about it too much.

    To address your concerns about having to conform, with a partner and lover, you won't have to conform. A true partner already accepts you the away that you are and freaking loves it! If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about the things that define you, get out! In my experience, relationships are work, but they should overall make you feel good about yourself and the parts of you you're proud of and allow you to grow as all organisms must.

    I hope this helped! Cheers!

  9. #1609

    Quote Originally Posted by TeamBaker View Post
    young people need "protecting" from experiences beyond their "mental and emotional capabilities"
    Yes, save everyone from themselves! Lock them up and prevent them from having the very experiences they need to have in order to develop their mental and emotional capabilities. The desire for sex in anyone under 18 (ie. adolescents) is a death-trap that will leave them scarred and broken forever if they ever have any sexual contact!

    (Not disagreeing with the sentiment of not doing this to avoid becoming a sex offender)

  10. #1610
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I agree with everything you said actually. I'm not suggesting that she should be protected, that is I'm ok with a 21 year old man dating a 15 year old. I am remembering back to the data of my early teen years and know that I was not ready for sex and neither were my peers. Those that chose to have sex that young often told me of their regrets and of their new self-loathing. I personally was 18, a senior in high school, when I had sex for the first time. It wasn't great, but I didn't regret it, I loved that I logically made the decision to try sex and protected myself accordingly, and felt empowered rather than upset when it was over.

    If this is young woman is at that point already, then I retract the protective statement. I do not however retract the warning.


     

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