[INTP] Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: - Page 3

Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating:

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This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Tips for fellow INTPs: You don't need to rush. You are not worse than others just because you haven't found ...

  1. #21
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Tips for fellow INTPs:

    You don't need to rush. You are not worse than others just because you haven't found a perfect mate yet or had fewer boyfriends/girlfriends than someone.

    Don't get into a relationship with "whoever" just because you think that they are the only one who showed interest in you.

    Sometimes serendipity just happens, but you might need to put yourself out there. You can't win in a lottery if you haven't even bothered to buy a lottery ticket. You might find pleasure in meeting new people, they sometimes turn out to be interesting.

    Read this and this.
    Sleeve Of Wizard, luemb, colysan and 26 others thanked this post.

  2. #22
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ishan Jalan View Post
    2. If we don't talk much or give you all the attention you seek, it does not mean that we aren't interested. If we aren't interested, you'd definitely know. I can't speak for the rest but I suck at pretending to be interested in a relationship.
    See, that to me is ambiguous. Not talking much and not paying attention, to me, are signs of lack of interest. And from the threads I've seen spawn up, this appears to be the major issue, how to tell regular interested I'm-not-paying-attention-to-you to the kind caused by lack of interest. Can anyone shade this out for me, please?

    I've never felt like INTPs were emotionless. But I have known some who were sort of in a bubble. Maybe they can tend to forget that the things they say or do have emotional consequences for others in ways that the sme things might not for them, like the example above with the shirt. Like people shouldn't fish for compliments, but in my experience when they DO start fishing it's because they don't feel like they're being noticed, right? So you an cut off some of those annoying behaviors in others by thinking ahead of them, like a big gooey game of chess that ends in sex.

  3. #23
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Marimeli View Post
    See, that to me is ambiguous. Not talking much and not paying attention, to me, are signs of lack of interest. And from the threads I've seen spawn up, this appears to be the major issue, how to tell regular interested I'm-not-paying-attention-to-you to the kind caused by lack of interest. Can anyone shade this out for me, please?

    Okay, I am talking for myself. Not anyone else. Everyone is different, after all.
    When I am interested (in a relationship) in someone, I do think of the person often, and I might call them up out of the blue to say "Hi." and what-not. I hate feeling or showing that I am emotionally dependent or I miss the person a lot, so I actually end up not calling them to assure myself "No, dude, you're fine. You don't need to be clingy.": this sometimes gets wrongly interpreted. When I am with that person, I do look at her a lot when she isn't looking. All that. This is only for the first few weeks though. After a while, it is pretty obvious to the other person that I like her a lot.

    When I am not interested, the other person clearly notices that it is a task for me to call them up and they often tell me, "You're acting differently."
    Seamaid, chinesefries, giraffe11 and 27 others thanked this post.

  4. #24
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ishan Jalan View Post
    Okay, I am talking for myself. Not anyone else. Everyone is different, after all.
    When I am interested (in a relationship) in someone, I do think of the person often, and I might call them up out of the blue to say "Hi." and what-not. I hate feeling or showing that I am emotionally dependent or I miss the person a lot, so I actually end up not calling them to assure myself "No, dude, you're fine. You don't need to be clingy.": this sometimes gets wrongly interpreted. When I am with that person, I do look at her a lot when she isn't looking. All that. This is only for the first few weeks though. After a while, it is pretty obvious to the other person that I like her a lot.

    When I am not interested, the other person clearly notices that it is a task for me to call them up and they often tell me, "You're acting differently."
    If you don't mind me asking, have you been told that seeming emotionally dependent is "clingy," or is that sort of how you feel? If the woman acts that way, do you interpret it as her being clingy?

    And yeah, the first few weeks are the crucial insecure ones, and I think it's mostly then when these "does s/he LIKE me" issues pop up.
    Leahomme thanked this post.

  5. #25
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Marimeli View Post
    If you don't mind me asking, have you been told that seeming emotionally dependent is "clingy," or is that sort of how you feel? If the woman acts that way, do you interpret it as her being clingy?

    And yeah, the first few weeks are the crucial insecure ones, and I think it's mostly then when these "does s/he LIKE me" issues pop up.
    Eh, that's how I feel. In fact what clingy is for me is normal for others. I just don't like seeming vulnerable/dependent.
    About the woman acting like that: It depends, really. If I have reason to believe they miss me and love me, sure, I am fine with it. If it looks like they're overly displaying emotions when I haven't even done anything for them or been nice to them, I tend to become a little sceptical. It's nice to be loved when you know you deserve it. :)

    Side: I like it when women aren't easy to get. I like it when I am sure of their feelings and that I've made an effort to win them over.
    deeisagem, rakstamgalds, nereus and 26 others thanked this post.

  6. #26
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ishan Jalan View Post
    It's nice to be loved when you know you deserve it. :)

    Side: I like it when women aren't easy to get. I like it when I am sure of their feelings and that I've made an effort to win them over.
    course, some women set a low bar because they've had really bad experiences. You could have actually earned it in their eyes far sooner than in yours, in that case.

    But what you said reminds me of @nadjasix 's old signature about how holding everything in high esteem means esteeming nothing. I can see how some people would apply that to love--if you love everyone, maybe it's not so special?

  7. #27
    Unknown Personality


    What's funny about INTP guys is that they want you to be clingy (if you weren't they'd flip out). But they will never reciprocate the kind of behavior they expect from you.

    In some ways, it seems sexist, at times.

  8. #28

    I remember being kind of snarky about expressions of emotion in my early relationships. Part of me ate it up on the part of the other person, but I never wanted to do it myself, and sometimes I would talk down to the other person / be dismissive.

    It took me some years to experience the value in such displays and initiatives. It's mostly a matter of balance, too...
    max39941, Vast Silence and cat420 thanked this post.

  9. #29
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by nadjasix View Post
    What's funny about INTP guys is that they want you to be clingy (if you weren't they'd flip out). But they will never reciprocate the kind of behavior they expect from you.
    UNTRUE! Proof:

    JoetheBull, under skies, doublexuan and 8 others thanked this post.

  10. #30
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by nadjasix View Post
    What's funny about INTP guys is that they want you to be clingy (if you weren't they'd flip out). But they will never reciprocate the kind of behavior they expect from you.

    In some ways, it seems sexist, at times.
    That does hold true sometimes. Strange.
    she, Zone and motherofdragonslover thanked this post.


     
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