This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by smack1 Do intps stare/creep on people they like a lot? I have had maladjusted introverts of several ...
So I totally just ended up chatting to a 34-year old Middle-Eastern male giving the guy dating tips.
I'm 21 studying in Leuven, Belgium, and I ran into him three years ago when he was starting a phD here, and I gave him some help in the computer labs with the printer and the university toledo system and all, ended up exchanging e-mail addresses to funnel through some links and files.
I ended up blocking the guy when he began asking me to live in an apartment with him, he like me much, I nice girl. Somehow he got unblocked and he said hello again, and I ended up telling him that, quite frankly, I thought he acted quite creepy and he can't expect to go and half propose to young girls wherever he goes.
He just popped offline now saying he learned a lot tonight and thanked me for talking to him, and I wished'm luck finding himself a first date. Culture clash, no idea how to even talk to women and figure out if they're single, apparently no real common sense either, and for as far as he told me, zero experience in close relationships. Perfect example of how not to find a partner.
O_o *just sort of a bit stunned, when did I turn into a dating doc, this is so surreal*
I just got randomly asked out. I never know how to respond other than thinking to myself "Does she mean me or a different Matt?"
I much prefer doing the initiating. At least I don't have to decide where and when for once.
Also, though mostf people will say that I'm staring, I am actually just looking. I hope you get the difference.
In a Western society people grow up in social circles where the western dating game is taought from the get-go, mutual picking your friends, girl-and boyfriends and husbands and wives.
In many other cultures, as a man you're expected to tackle things more traditionally, accumulate some wealth and status, choose a girl and then go and ask them if they'll pls marry you. Women are also expected to find this normal and consider it, not in the least part because of the gender discrimination and the role of the woman as 'the wife' rather than 'half of a pair of earners'.
If you've grown up, not even misogynistic, but with these expectations of chivalry and tradition, I'm not surprised they come here and suddenly find no ladies responsive to such an approach. We demand dates and hanging out and talking and doing stuff together and eveeeeentually very maybe moving in together.
Just imagine a peacock trying to woo a bird of paradise expecting fancy moves and dances rather than a fan of feathers.
I was really baffled once when this middle-eastern guy approached me with: "I need good woman like you, I take you out, we have good dinner." -- He got very detail oriented about dinner, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. It was very awkward. I'm used to guys who approach me, talking to me. They look for conversation starters from any observable indicator of something that I would be interested in. He was probably a nice guy and all, but he really made me nervous with his approach and I just never knew what to think about it.
Being 18 and being asked by a +30 male you met twenty minutes ago, in all seriousness, about plans to move in together, that strikes us as extremely skewed and awkward and threatening. I didn't have the confidence at the time, but now years later I just told this guy just how huge the differences are. I tried to tell the peacock it's not a good idea to spread that tail, there's another strategy here.
Goes to show just how important cultural understanding is. This very clearly demonstrates that not understanding someone else's motives in their own context can lead to gross misinterpretation and very directly lead to fear and rejection, stigmatising of the 'other'.
Do INTP's stare/creep a lot? lol...actually (I can't speak for all of us) I do, although it is usually innocent and unintentional. When I am thinking or daydreaming, I may stare at someone..but I get embarrased and apologize for doing so. Creeping...well I am called a creeper for some reason, but I don't mind that much. Actually, I find it quite amusing... but in the end, it's just another label for people who are a little bit..different from the majority.