[INTP] Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: - Page 551

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This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by perpetuallyreticent We had a great time when we hung out. It was a spur of the moment ...

  1. #5501
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by perpetuallyreticent View Post
    We had a great time when we hung out. It was a spur of the moment thing and happened really quickly but when we parted ways at the end of our meet up, he said we need to hang out again/something like that. I know people say shit like that all the time and don't mean it but I don't really take him for a person that says things he doesn't actually mean. Granted, we never hung out again, but there could be a million and one reasons behind that that I can't see.

    My interpretation of what happened when he cut me off was he was looking for something really, really stupid to just cut me off for (because of what you said- being overwhelmed I guess) and grabbed onto the first thing he saw my best friend post on my wall and just... stuck with it. It was really out of nowhere and caught me off guard.
    It could also have no triggering factor at all, other than he decided that it was too overwhelming for him, and that he had to cut contact to take back control of his mind/emotions.

  2. #5502
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by Lonewaer View Post
    It could also have no triggering factor at all, other than he decided that it was too overwhelming for him, and that he had to cut contact to take back control of his mind/emotions.
    Another possibility, yes. I've heard/been warned many times that INTPs tend to do that a lot when confronted with extremely draining emotional circumstances/situations.

  3. #5503

    Quote Originally Posted by perpetuallyreticent View Post
    INTPs tend to do that a lot when confronted with extremely draining emotional circumstances/situations.
    Also watch out if you are boring the INTP in question. Often they won't tell you that they're bored of the subject you are talking about. And especially if you actively try to involve them (or at least for me) in the discussion that they take no interest in they will tend to assume that you do it again.

    It builds up the more times they have to face being bored and waiting for you to finish and making up answers. Eventually they'll get burnt out and just refuse to talk for a period of time (or saying things like "I don't know" or "I don't care"). If they love you they'll forgive you and come back, but you will have to let them lead the conversation for them to regain the amount of energy he/she might expend to talk to you.

    If they do not have anything in mind to talk about then don't start to ramble again, suggest topics to them that you think they'll be interested in, but don't force them into any, they might just be tired and not want to talk.
    perpetuallyreticent and InMediasRes thanked this post.

  4. #5504
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by perpetuallyreticent View Post
    ...
    You know, this guy sounds like a child. Just saying. Although, since I don't know about what or how much you talked, maybe he's not that immature in fact, or he doesn't come off that immature in practice. But... if he's unwilling to even give you the standard series of hints that an INTP will usually give when they're deciding that maybe this relationship isn't so good for them... and if it was something sudden and he's not willing to even let you know (if it was something sudden and shocking that you did)... then he's being a child.

    And! And if your one date was too disastrous (for whatever reason), such that he decided to not want to go out with you afterwards, and he's going back and forth between the thought of dating your or not dating you, and literally deciding to cut you out of his life and then put you back in... he's a child.

    Bad news, needs at least a few years before dating.

  5. #5505
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ialti View Post
    You know, this guy sounds like a child. Just saying. Although, since I don't know about what or how much you talked, maybe he's not that immature in fact, or he doesn't come off that immature in practice. But... if he's unwilling to even give you the standard series of hints that an INTP will usually give when they're deciding that maybe this relationship isn't so good for them... and if it was something sudden and he's not willing to even let you know (if it was something sudden and shocking that you did)... then he's being a child.

    And! And if your one date was too disastrous (for whatever reason), such that he decided to not want to go out with you afterwards, and he's going back and forth between the thought of dating your or not dating you, and literally deciding to cut you out of his life and then put you back in... he's a child.

    Bad news, needs at least a few years before dating.
    The date went as well as it possibly could.. but that's subjective. I pride myself on being able to read people very well and if he was ever uncomfortable or didn't want to continue with our meet up then I'm sure I would've recognized the signs(hopefully.) :( But yeah, childish isn't the word I'd use. He seems constantly in the state of ambivalence. He would constantly talk about how he wants to see me, meet me and go out to eat with me. All of these things. But when it came down to him making the decision to come see me (I was without a car at the time) he'd make an excuse. I could tell he wanted it, but it was a different story when it was close to actually happening. I chalked it up to.. this man is in an unhealthy state, isn't ready for a relationship so I'll keep this distance he's created and continue being friends.

  6. #5506

    Quote Originally Posted by Lonewaer View Post
    It could also have no triggering factor at all, other than he decided that it was too overwhelming for him, and that he had to cut contact to take back control of his mind/emotions.


    This is a massive bad habit I have. I cut off people if I feel vulnerable or not in control of myself.
    Peace Maker thanked this post.

  7. #5507

    Quote Originally Posted by Nell View Post
    This is a massive bad habit I have. I cut off people if I feel vulnerable or not in control of myself.
    And then if they attempt to keep talking when I pause I feel like they've just cut me off and I feel even more vulnerable XD

  8. #5508

    Eeek. Introducing my INTP to a group of friends tomorrow. We're a smallish group, about 5-6 people. I'm not super close with them, but we have a good time when we hang out. I'm a little nervous. Any dos and don'ts? I want to make sure he's not overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

    Strelok thanked this post.

  9. #5509

    Quote Originally Posted by kaleidoscope View Post
    Eeek. Introducing my INTP to a group of friends tomorrow. We're a smallish group, about 5-6 people. I'm not super close with them, but we have a good time when we hang out. I'm a little nervous. Any dos and don'ts? I want to make sure he's not overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

    Does he actually want to go or is he going to appease you?

    Make sure you have a signal in case he gets overwhelmed and wants to leave and don't ignore it. I'm also not sure as to his level of social skills. Have you prepared him mentally for such interactions?
    Necrilia and Strelok thanked this post.

  10. #5510

    Quote Originally Posted by Doktorin Zylinder View Post
    Does he actually want to go or is he going to appease you?
    I asked him to, but he's the type who will let me know if he doesn't want to or is feeling introverted (he's done that before). He also didn't entirely say yes; he said it sounded like it could be fun and that he's going to think about it.

    Make sure you have a signal in case he gets overwhelmed and wants to leave and don't ignore it. I'm also not sure as to his level of social skills. Have you prepared him mentally for such interactions?
    Will definitely communicate the signal thing, that's a good idea. Plus, we'll be going separately just me and him, so we can leave or split off whenever we want to, and we don't have to carpool with the group. He's pretty socially skilled, he's the kind to be able to get along with everybody.


     

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