This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by greenstone Yes, I can see that defense mechanism. Well, I'm 19 and he is 24. I wrote ...
I don't find him boring or discharging
being at the mercy of his desires
an INTP worth his guts won't keep doing something that's making other people he cares about uncomfortable. You should make it clear to him what you like and don't like about his behaviour.
If he is fixated on being an asshole he is either mistyped or he is doesn't care about you.
Alright. You see where there might be some mixed messages there?
Step 1. Tell him to knock it off with the pawing. It's embarrassing for both him and you, and there's no world in which playing alpha male with weird "gropes hello" is either cool or justified.
Step 2. Figure out what you actually want. Actually you should probably do this eleven months ago. Thennnn...
Step 3. Clearly and bluntly communicate what it is that you're expecting from him. Barriers, time frame, friendship, emotional needs, the works. Either that'll work for him or it won't; but at least you'll know where you stand. And that's really really really important.
Of course this is all assuming that you and he haven't really had that kind of talk before. Because you said "I don't want to have a relationship or whatever... but he seems defensive about it" I'm assuming that you probably addressed the issue once, but you probably didn't know exactly what you wanted (and that's because of your phrasing when you said "I came to know that I have certain feelings for him") at the time, and he's getting a little close for comfort. Which probably means he wants/thinks he has more than you're willing to give? And also that his ideas of "normal relationship" aren't exactly the same as yours; as in, he's getting creepy in public? The second part is all on him. The first is da both of yus.