[INTP] Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: - Page 561

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This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Eryngo Honestly, it sounds like the sex is hot, and I would focus on that. INTP has ...

  1. #5601

    Quote Originally Posted by Eryngo View Post
    Honestly, it sounds like the sex is hot, and I would focus on that. INTP has a hard time with feelings, and sex can be a kind of sign language. Feelings for dummies. If you relax a little on the intellectual/verbal bit, and instead just make the sex as great as possible for both of you, you may find everything you need to know therein. (If not, at least you had some good sex.)

    I would ixnay on the alkingtay* until he's just overwhelmed by how great the sex is. When he starts babbling and surprising himself with his babbling, then you just jump in, all casual like, "oh you love me? I never would have guessed."

    But like I said to someone else above, I may not be healthy. But that is the truth of "what I think."

    *pig latin for "no talking."
    HAHAHA that's good enough.

    But idk, I'm a sensitive NF... the sex I want is not visceral (at least not at first)

    The other time he hurted me, was when we spent a night together with no sex, but the desire just flourished inside me and I told him to hook up at my place, but I never made it clear that I wanted him to hold me and make me feel safe like he did before. I felt hurt because it felt like he was not giving a shit about me then. Perhaps, if the sex were the way I wanted when we had it, I would've forgotten about it.
    Eryngo thanked this post.

  2. #5602

    Quote Originally Posted by Eryngo View Post
    Honestly, it sounds like the sex is hot, and I would focus on that. INTP has a hard time with feelings, and sex can be a kind of sign language. Feelings for dummies. If you relax a little on the intellectual/verbal bit, and instead just make the sex as great as possible for both of you, you may find everything you need to know therein. (If not, at least you had some good sex.)

    I would ixnay on the alkingtay* until he's just overwhelmed by how great the sex is. When he starts babbling and surprising himself with his babbling, then you just jump in, all casual like, "oh you love me? I never would have guessed."

    But like I said to someone else above, I may not be healthy. But that is the truth of "what I think."

    *pig latin for "no talking."
    You should start writing an advice column. Or a pig latin dictionary. Ustjay iddingkay aboutyay uhthey ictionaryday.

  3. #5603
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by greenstone View Post
    The tough part is that he is fucking hard to crack open. Everytime we talk, I feel like he has this thick layer that I can only crack by making him uncomfortable (e.g. being direct about our issues), and it makes the situation even more difficult because I don't want to make him feel bad, invade his space, pressure him.
    This isn't awkward for him(if he is actually an INTP). He prefers this sort of communication. Open and honest in all aspects. Get your dirty laundry(concerning your current relationship with him) and dump it all on the table, cause he wants to see it. He will do the same for you. He will never lie or hold back with you, and he wants the same.
    This is only awkward for you because your overactive Fe says that he might get his feelings hurt. You have to keep in mind, though, that his Fe is the very last function, and honesty comes first for him.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenstone View Post
    The other time he hurted me, was when we spent a night together with no sex, but the desire just flourished inside me and I told him to hook up at my place, but I never made it clear that I wanted him to hold me and make me feel safe like he did before. I felt hurt because it felt like he was not giving a shit about me then. Perhaps, if the sex were the way I wanted when we had it, I would've forgotten about it.
    This is 100% on you. You cannot expect anything from and INTP that you do not request. That is just how we operate. We are completely open to pleasing our mates, and that includes doing things for them when they ask. If you want him to hold you like a little birdy who broke it's wing and can't fly, then ask him to do it. If you want him to cuddle you like the gentlest lover on earth, then fucking tell him. Don't expect him to just know.
    Necrilia, kaleidoscope, Lonewaer and 5 others thanked this post.

  4. #5604

    Quote Originally Posted by knucklebunny View Post
    You should start writing an advice column. Or a pig latin dictionary. Ustjay iddingkay aboutyay uhthey ictionaryday.
    "Ask @Eryngo " - I'd totally subscribe to that.
    Eryngo and knucklebunny thanked this post.

  5. #5605
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by greenstone View Post

    But idk, I'm a sensitive NF... the sex I want is not visceral (at least not at first)
    Just because you're an NF, doesn't mean you imagine sex as your hole being struck by Cupid's arrow.

    The other time he hurted me, was when we spent a night together with no sex, but the desire just flourished inside me and I told him to hook up at my place, but I never made it clear that I wanted him to hold me and make me feel safe like he did before. I felt hurt because it felt like he was not giving a shit about me then. Perhaps, if the sex were the way I wanted when we had it, I would've forgotten about it.
    So you want sex that isn't only "visceral", but he hurt you because he didn't have sex with you one night.

    What is it that you actually want? Maybe you, indeed, want that "visceral" (actually very normal and healthy) sex in the end.

    Why didn't you ask him what's happening?

    Why is it that you're here asking about things you could easily solve through communicating and acting as well as possible in real ife?

    If you don't like it with him (which is pretty evident, just by one glance at your text), why don't you stop spending that much time with him?
    that and Strelok thanked this post.

  6. #5606
    INTP


    Quote Originally Posted by kaleidoscope View Post
    "Ask @Eryngo " - I'd totally subscribe to that.
    Alternative title: "Men. For Monsters."
    kaleidoscope thanked this post.

  7. #5607

    Quote Originally Posted by that View Post
    This is 100% on you. You cannot expect anything from and INTP that you do not request. That is just how we operate. We are completely open to pleasing our mates, and that includes doing things for them when they ask. If you want him to hold you like a little birdy who broke it's wing and can't fly, then ask him to do it. If you want him to cuddle you like the gentlest lover on earth, then fucking tell him. Don't expect him to just know.
    Definitely agree with that. I told my INTP yesterday exactly what I needed from him, and I was super specific about it. Like "If we can't hang out because you've had something come up, please set up another date, that makes me feel a lot better". He seemed really receptive to it, and I asked him if what I asked for was realistic and if it was helpful for him, and he was like YES. He explained that he needed things spelled out for him, otherwise he can't possibly guess what I want.

    I think he truly felt relieved knowing he had the tools to avoid inadvertently frustrating me. It was a really good conversation.
    that and knucklebunny thanked this post.

  8. #5608

    Just because you're an NF, doesn't mean you imagine sex as your hole being struck by Cupid's arrow.
    That's not what I said. I said that I am sensitive, and because of that need to feel safe in sex. That's what I meant.

    So you want sex that isn't only "visceral", but he hurt you because he didn't have sex with you one night.
    He hurted me because he acted with apathy when we had sex. I failed at communicating what I wanted.

    What is it that you actually want? Maybe you, indeed, want that "visceral" (actually very normal and healthy) sex in the end.
    I do want to fuck his fucking guts off, but also to be held in the end. I'm confused in this sense, because when we kiss, touch, I just lose my mind, and I don't know very well if it has to do with repressed lust or with other kinds of feelings.

    Why didn't you ask him what's happening?
    I did. He wants me but doesn't want me to get hurt. He's scared of hurting me again. It seems like his care for me is greater than lust, and that's why he holds part of him back.

    Why is it that you're here asking about things you could easily solve through communicating and acting as well as possible in real life?
    Because we are both confused and even when we talk, things don't get quite solved. I came here to see if someone else can share their insight from a 3rd person's perspective, who's had different experiences.
    Eryngo thanked this post.

  9. #5609

    This isn't awkward for him(if he is actually an INTP). He prefers this sort of communication. Open and honest in all aspects. Get your dirty laundry(concerning your current relationship with him) and dump it all on the table, cause he wants to see it. He will do the same for you. He will never lie or hold back with you, and he wants the same.
    This is only awkward for you because your overactive Fe says that he might get his feelings hurt. You have to keep in mind, though, that his Fe is the very last function, and honesty comes first for him.
    I see what you mean and I agree 100%. It's just that I'm always the one to initiate these actions and, of course, I get worry about whether I'm pressuring him or not.

    This is 100% on you. You cannot expect anything from and INTP that you do not request. That is just how we operate. We are completely open to pleasing our mates, and that includes doing things for them when they ask. If you want him to hold you like a little birdy who broke it's wing and can't fly, then ask him to do it. If you want him to cuddle you like the gentlest lover on earth, then fucking tell him. Don't expect him to just know.
    Yeah, I learned this the hard way. First I have to know what I want and then tell him in clean lines.

  10. #5610
    INFJ - The Protectors

    @greenstone

    Girl... don't ever expect him to read your mind. Not only is it rude of you, but it's also an inefficient method of getting what you want.

    Next time just tell him you'd like to cuddle with him and then stroke him gently. It's easy.

    Also, why did it take you so long to get to that point (the cuddling part)?
    Strelok and chanteuse thanked this post.


     

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