[INTP] Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: - Page 60

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This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by mr. rozay in all honesty, if he's married then I wouldn't even do that. The odds are ...

  1. #591
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by mr. rozay View Post
    in all honesty, if he's married then I wouldn't even do that. The odds are against you, on top of you losing a good friend, and business partner. If he does leave his wife to be with you, then how do you know he wouldn't do the same to you if he found someone else? Feelings eventually fade (we know that, so we take that into consideration when we make our commitments).

    If he's not married... then go right ahead. Just ask him if he sees you as something more-than a friend in the future. It's safe, and you don't really make yourself vulnerable.

    Very sound advice. I understand how tough that is to consider when you are getting, at worst, mixed signals but this is one case where "Tell him how you feel," probably isn't a good idea. I know going against all INFP instincts :)

    Some of the likelier possibilities if you were to do this would be:
    a) Huh? I'm in a relationship. I thought that was obvious to you.
    b) I like you too, but I'm in love with GF.
    c) Well - she works on Saturdays . . . we could probably hook up then.
    d) Let me run this by her . . .
    mr. rozay, idealjane and Songs unsung thanked this post.

  2. #592
    INFP - The Idealists

    I appreciate the advice. I like the part about not making myself too vulnerable- as an INFP, I tend to put myself out there more than I would like.

  3. #593
    Unknown Personality

    .
    Last edited by highmaintenancepanda; 06-29-2012 at 08:12 PM. Reason: i don't know how to delete posts

  4. #594
    Unknown Personality


    Run boy, run.
    downsowf thanked this post.

  5. #595
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    wow...it doesn't sound like you guys are suited for each other at all.
    nadjasix thanked this post.

  6. #596
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by idealjane View Post
    I appreciate the advice. I like the part about not making myself too vulnerable- as an INFP, I tend to put myself out there more than I would like.
    I honestly think that messing with someone who has a girlfriend is never worth it...for you. It's a lose lose situation. The guy that takes his commitments seriously is never going to break those vows but the guy that who is willing to break them isn't someone you want to mess with either. There is no good outcome to yearning for someone who is taken. It just doesn't work. You either get hurt or the girlfriend will get hurt and karma will hunt you down later.
    Nordom, Ablysmal, DaisyChain and 3 others thanked this post.

  7. #597
    INFP - The Idealists

    I honestly think that messing with someone who has a girlfriend is never worth it...for you. It's a lose lose situation. The guy that takes his commitments seriously is never going to break those vows but the guy that who is willing to break them isn't someone you want to mess with either. There is no good outcome to yearning for someone who is taken. It just doesn't work. You either get hurt or the girlfriend will get hurt and karma will hunt you down later.
    I do agree with all of this. I Have tried to get over it, have tried to date other people, but stubborn, idealistic INFP heart loves him and seems not to be able to resist melting when he lets me in more and more. I tried to date this one guy who was really, really nice but my heart just wasn't in it. As I said before, I am hoping to either somehow get over it or tell him if his situation changes. So, I'll stick to that. I have no desire to ruin anyone's relationship, I just wanted to know if I was going crazy or if he felt something too, because it seemed he did. I was hoping that knowing would be a catalyst for movement, for example: he doesn't love me in that way- maybe it would help me get over him faster...he does love me in that way- would help me understand his motives...I guess I was thinking gathering more information would be helpful in my decision making process...
    kikikins and DaisyChain thanked this post.

  8. #598
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Quote Originally Posted by idealjane View Post
    I do agree with all of this. I Have tried to get over it, have tried to date other people, but stubborn, idealistic INFP heart loves him and seems not to be able to resist melting when he lets me in more and more. I tried to date this one guy who was really, really nice but my heart just wasn't in it. As I said before, I am hoping to either somehow get over it or tell him if his situation changes. So, I'll stick to that. I have no desire to ruin anyone's relationship, I just wanted to know if I was going crazy or if he felt something too, because it seemed he did. I was hoping that knowing would be a catalyst for movement, for example: he doesn't love me in that way- maybe it would help me get over him faster...he does love me in that way- would help me understand his motives...I guess I was thinking gathering more information would be helpful in my decision making process...
    Maybe read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". A real eye-opener, but in a good way.
    daydr3am and idealjane thanked this post.

  9. #599
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by idealjane View Post
    I do agree with all of this. I Have tried to get over it, have tried to date other people, but stubborn, idealistic INFP heart loves him and seems not to be able to resist melting when he lets me in more and more. I tried to date this one guy who was really, really nice but my heart just wasn't in it. As I said before, I am hoping to either somehow get over it or tell him if his situation changes. So, I'll stick to that. I have no desire to ruin anyone's relationship, I just wanted to know if I was going crazy or if he felt something too, because it seemed he did. I was hoping that knowing would be a catalyst for movement, for example: he doesn't love me in that way- maybe it would help me get over him faster...he does love me in that way- would help me understand his motives...I guess I was thinking gathering more information would be helpful in my decision making process...
    Get out of my head. :)

    We INFPs DO have a tendency to latch on. And then they consume so much of our energy and time thinking about it, and the situation, and what should I say, and how does he feel, to the point that every conversation ends up elating or depressing you. And trying NOT to analyze every detail of them doing something that SEEMS meaningful (but was it? but he knew that... but i'm reading into...except i told him...) It's not that you don't know what you should do; it's that you can't imagine what would be left behind after.

    Lord, I don't think I can say anything to help, because God knows when I've been through this (a lot) nothing anyone said, no matter how reasonable, really made a dent in it until it ran its course one way or another. But GIRL i've been there. Solidarity is a small comfort but a comfort nonetheless. :)

    And if I'm totally off base, I'll be crazy over here in my little corner by myself :P

  10. #600
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by DaisyChain View Post
    Maybe read the book "He's Just Not That Into You". A real eye-opener, but in a good way.
    Yeah it's amazing how something so obvious is overlooked. That book was pretty spot on. I think there should be a book called She's Not that into You since the door swings both ways. I wasn't digging how the author alienated women while giving men so much power over the dating game.


     
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