I'm here because I am deeply confused by a male INTP's behaviour and I think some advice would be useful. Sorry for the "essay", but I wanted to explain the context (and sorry for the spelling mistakes as English is not my first language and I'm writing very quickly).
INTJ female, 32 years old: I've had long/serious relationships (married once to an ESTJ- longest relationship 6 years dating, 2 of them married), and also some short term, infatuations, and even one night stands. I have come to discover that what I want is a deep connection with other person, developed through time, and based on attraction to each other (not infatuation), understanding and respect, and I am willing to work on it with a person which I truly like.
INTP male, 32 years old: his longest relationship lasted 1 year (University), the rest of relationships less than 6 months. He describes himself as "weird" and "boring", but "falls in love very quickly and intensely" and says he fucked up all these relationships.
So, someone who knows us both thinks we are perfect for each other, and introduces us.
We started to talk non-stop since Day 1, we had a good first date (just checking each other- we went together to see a soviet Sci-Fi film from 1920s, talk a little, nothing happened, but then he writed me and said he wanted to repeat). Since the first time we talked, we have been having looooong conversations every-fucking-day; we understand and get each other, we have the same interests (we love art, love music (we both play the piano), books, films...), we share the same values, we have similar lifestyles (I mean, if staying home doing "our things"- reading, working on our projects- on saturday night is a lifestyle- which I do think, of course), similar educational/career pathways (Straight A's students, he's an engineer working for a big company, I'm a journalist and lawyer working in a think tank) etc. We went on a second date, we talked for 5 hours while having dinner and at the end we kissed and ended at his place. We had a third date, everything went amazing as well, he invited me to sleep over. The following week, something triggered his anxiety and he started acting weird, but at the same time, he talked non-stop everyday and wanted to see me and "book" new dates.
So, we went on our 4th date, everything was amazing again... until he suddenly stopped me in the middle of the street, very nervous, because he needed to "say something". He said:
That we were perfect for each other, that knowing me had been one of the best things ever happened, that he thought I was the most intelligent person he had met, and he founded me fascinating... and, as he didn't want to "lose" what he had with me, he wanted to be honest. Then he said he didn't see a relationship with me could work because he didn't feel "chemistry", that he usually feels this "chemistry" the first 2-3 weeks (?) and go totally crazy for the girl, and so he had been feeling really sad that he didn't feel this "thing" for the most perfect girl he had found for him, all he ever wanted (I reckon it is not lack of attractiveness- though I know it could be as this is personal and he could find others more attractive of course- but I am usually considered a "canon-beauty" and even worked as a photography model).
I told him that I was freaking out a little because 3 dates is too soon for me to discard a relationship, and that I think it is impossible to feel "in love" with someone you don't know, so if he had told me that he was in love at this very moment I would have think he was wrong and it was an irrational feeling based on nothing that only reflected a fantasy, as he didn't know me. I told him that anyway it was a licit feeling, and it was great for him to be able to feel that so soon with others, but relationships are very different and he just know one kind of relationship, and short-term, and I am afraid that this is more an "infatuation" than a "love" feeling, and I wouldn't discard something that has this potential because it lacks that feeling of infatuation. I also told him I have a different timing, and I just don't develop feelings for someone I have been dating for a month, but I saw potential. He insisted he could be "scared" and self-sabotaging... but he knows himself and we lack this "spark". We talked for a while, then I don't know why we kissed and we end up sleeping together.
The day after I was still confused (and also hurt, because I felt like I apparently lacked something the other girls had to drive him crazy), he insisted to walked me to the underground station and he did weird things like trying to "show me the block so I could see the hospital and the national trade union building" (I was like "ok, this is weird... but cute somehow?"). Then I thought about this all the afternoon and it didn't make any sense. This feeling worsened as he was sending messages all the time trying to talk about films, sending links to art exhibitions to go together, and even stating that "someday we could watch a movie at my place together", so I told him straighforward I was very confused and needed a couple of days to think about what he said ("I don't think a relationship could work, I am telling this because I respect you and don't want to hurt your feelings in 2/3 months"), he said ok and remembered me that he still wants to have long conversations with me and hang out and "do things together" (?).
I don't know what to do, because I think he is wrong, but at the same time I don't think I can "convince" him that relationships take time before discarding (and I can't say to him now that I think he is confunding infatuation and love, as it would mean all his relationships were somehow not-serious and it would hurt him without necessity). And of course, I feel hurt that he doesn't like me that much, and I don't want to invest the time and energy I was willing to invest, until now, into something that seemed great but would lead nowhere if he thinks so, because I don't want to get hurt in the future and I don't know how to detach emotionally from a meaningful relationship so I don't think this kind of arrangement without possibilities he proposed could be a good idea (as the things he wants to do together are bound to develop intimacy).
I'm blocked, I don't know what to do.