[INTP] Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: - Page 776

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This is a discussion on Q&A about dating INTPs, and INTP dating: within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by dohmenick INTP's and boundaries. No bueno, nor do we care. I have a great understanding and respect ...

  1. #7751

    Quote Originally Posted by dohmenick View Post
    INTP's and boundaries. No bueno, nor do we care. I have a great understanding and respect for all. Until 2 years ago, I had no boundaries, not really. I was ok with it. Then people started to tell me I needed them, I will be better off, etc.. that's all bullshit. People set "boundaries" like little gates to keep the annoyances out. You only control your own side. As I hear of boundaries, in this day and age, It makes me think of another way to say "i am selfish", in the way that you control all incoming and outgoing, as per what we think.

    In the end, you have no control. That dirty hidden syringe that poked you from inside the mattress as you lay down in a bed at a cheap hotel. Just threw a wrench in your life!
    Yikes....

  2. #7752

    the yikes, :), so many different thoughts on how to read that. i love it.

    and for that syringe story, i wonder if or how people interpret it, what i did to them while reading it. Also, was it fact or fiction.

  3. #7753
    INFP

    Tips on how to engage an INTPs Ne in a LDR?

  4. #7754

    Quote Originally Posted by MayaM View Post
    Tips on how to engage an INTPs Ne in a LDR?
    The same way you would do it in person: introduce them to new ideas.

  5. #7755

    So, there's an INTP female that I've kind of had my eye on for a while. I've noticed that she won't really show her playful side around me, but when she's chatting with her other friends she goes all out and acts goofy. We typically talk genuinely, but there have been times when we've been playful and have joked around, but she is sometimes short in her responses. I don't know if she doesn't know how to respond or if she just does not want to be bothered. She will be her silly self around her other friends, but not me. She is the most receptive to me in serious/casual conversations -- nothing too goofy.

    A few weeks ago, I told her that I understand that she's reserved and that I'd like to get to know more about her, so she sent me a photo of her cat and we talked a little bit more after that. I recently tried being playful but she did not really respond much (she did not ignore me), despite the fact that we have acted playful a few times in the past. Maybe she just did not want to be bothered; or possibly she didn't know what to say?

    When I have complimented her, usually about her personality, she has responded with something like "oh thanks lol".

    I am unsure of how to interpret her behavior. She will not act goofy around me; she seems to prefer casual conversations. I am always guiding the conversation though, but she does ask questions.

    This is on an online community, by the way. We talk in private messages for a little bit every few days.

  6. #7756

    I am an infp girl who needs some help about an intp man that gives me mixed signals. We have been in a on and off relationship for three years (nothing serious, we have not talked about US in any way) and have met each other less than ten times during those years (we live in two different cities). I have had other non-serious relationships when not being with him, and I am sure he also has been with a lot of other girls.

    The first time I met him (after talking on a dating app for a while), he bombarded me with compliments, and although it made me skeptical, I was also captivated by his bluntness. He said I was the best thing that had happened to him that year.

    We are shamelessly preoccupied with each other when we meet, and the chemistry is just wow. We love to cuddle, have sex and talk about history, physics etc. I have been the one who have initiated the contact and the visits for the most part. He smokes weed daily and is extremely introverted. After a long period of zero contact (I got tired of initiating things), I picked it up again this winter. He expressed how happy he was about me contacting him, that he missed me, and then he visited me a month later. This time he said that he wanted to go an art exhibition with me (he has never suggested doing anything outside the house).

    A month later we met again and went to an art exhibition. He couldn't stop kissing me, behaved like a gentleman, drove me to the airport the last day, and acted like he was totally in love. But he rarely asks me any personal questions, and gives short answers to personal questions about himself. He will either talk about ideas or walk around in total silence. It is uncomfortable for me because I am afraid he is not interested in getting to know me on a deeper level.

    He rarely makes contact to catch up, it can take several weeks between each time we talk and it is mostly on my initiative. He is always enthusiastic when we are chatting, and expresses his desire to see me again (there are several times where he has said he wants to visit me, but then the time flies and we end up having no contact, and I´m afraid it will happen again even though he seems more serious this time).

    What does this all mean, from an intp's perspective?
    Last edited by haylie; 02-16-2020 at 08:46 AM.

  7. #7757

    Quote Originally Posted by haylie View Post
    I am an infp girl who needs some help about an intp man that gives me mixed signals. We have been in a on and off relationship for three years (nothing serious, we have not talked about US in any way) and have met each other less than ten times during those years (we live in two different cities). I have had other non-serious relationships when not being with him, and I am sure he also has been with a lot of other girls.
    tough to say, age, location, etc.. alot of variables. the relationship sounds casual to me, 3 years, no US discussion? you need to be brutally honest with your thoughts'expectations. that is what i would appreciate. let him process it how ever he does, then talk about it. i feel you feel the relationship is wishy washy, it is in a way, there is nothing concrete. you did not date years prior to living apart, so you dont really know each other. you live in separate cities, tough stuff there..it's not about losing someone, it's about having shared the path and getting to the point where both like the same objectives or not. he could be living in mindfulness and you are living in the past/future. different thoughts there. :)


    Quote Originally Posted by haylie View Post
    The first time I met him (after talking on a dating app for a while), he bombarded me with compliments, and although it made me skeptical, I was also captivated by his bluntness. He said I was the best thing that had happened to him that year.
    this sounds like many of new meetings, the honeymoon phase, the mating dance, etc :P or, he is mindful, expressing his current thoughts and loving it

    Quote Originally Posted by haylie View Post
    We are shamelessly preoccupied with each other when we meet, and the chemistry is just wow. We love to cuddle, have sex and talk about history, physics etc. I have been the one who have initiated the contact and the visits for the most part. He smokes weed daily and is extremely introverted. After a long period of zero contact (I got tired of initiating things), I picked it up again this winter. He expressed how happy he was about me contacting him, that he missed me, and then he visited me a month later. This time he said that he wanted to go an art exhibition with me (he has never suggested doing anything outside the house).
    i will say this,. the distance and the not communicating so much, gives you time to miss some things, but also gives you time to plant bad thought seeds. he could be just taking it slow and waiting to see if you guys match up or not. wants to see what you are willing to do, go, etc..

    Quote Originally Posted by haylie View Post
    A month later we met again and went to an art exhibition. He couldn't stop kissing me, behaved like a gentleman, drove me to the airport the last day, and acted like he was totally in love. But he rarely asks me any personal questions, and gives short answers to personal questions about himself. He will either talk about ideas or walk around in total silence. It is uncomfortable for me because I am afraid he is not interested in getting to know me on a deeper level.
    are you sure he wants a relationship like that? perhaps he likes the randomness of what you guys have, it keeps things interesting. i think you should flat out ask him what he would like as i think you both either want the same thing and dont know how to grasp it all still or you guys friends with benefits who like to share some times, without the complications of having a live-in partner, day in, day day out. give him choices, options, not just a simple yes or no question.

    Quote Originally Posted by haylie View Post
    He rarely makes contact to catch up, it can take several weeks between each time we talk and it is mostly on my initiative. He is always enthusiastic when we are chatting, and expresses his desire to see me again (there are several times where he has said he wants to visit me, but then the time flies and we end up having no contact, and I´m afraid it will happen again even though he seems more serious this time).
    starting to sound more like friends, but, if you are not being straight forward with him, he wont know. myself, i can go weeks without talking to friends or family, why? that's how life is. i dont want to call just to say hi, or write forever. i prefer the in person thing. thus, i am not so great with friends, as i only have 1 real one and we both admitted years ago that we love our friendship, would not go without it, but, we are bad at maintaining the friendship. some people are naturals at that, not i/

    Quote Originally Posted by haylie View Post
    What does this all mean, from an intp's perspective?
    from my perspective, i think you should just say what you would like/want. if that doesnt work, then at least you know now, and not in 5 years, having soent all that time hoping and dreaming. save yourself some time, be direct with him. if you are direct and he is direct back, dont read that with emotion, think about what he said before you either jump to marriage or want to john bobbit him. lol. i would love noting more than other people to perception check me, for mutual sides understandings, we lack some things as INTP's
    Last edited by dohmenick; 02-16-2020 at 09:37 AM.

  8. #7758

    Quote Originally Posted by dohmenick View Post
    tough to say, age, location, etc.. alot of variables. the relationship sounds casual to me, 3 years, no US discussion? you need to be brutally honest with your thoughts'expectations. that is what i would appreciate. let him process it how ever he does, then talk about it. i feel you feel the relationship is wishy washy, it is in a way, there is nothing concrete. you did not date years prior to living apart, so you dont really know each other. you live in separate cities, tough stuff there..it's not about losing someone, it's about having shared the path and getting to the point where both like the same objectives or not. he could be living in mindfulness and you are living in the past/future. different thoughts there. :)



    this sounds like many of new meetings, the honeymoon phase, the mating dance, etc :P or, he is mindful, expressing his current thoughts and loving it



    i will say this,. the distance and the not communicating so much, gives you time to miss some things, but also gives you time to plant bad thought seeds. he could be just taking it slow and waiting to see if you guys match up or not. wants to see what you are willing to do, go, etc..



    are you sure he wants a relationship like that? perhaps he likes the randomness of what you guys have, it keeps things interesting. i think you should flat out ask him what he would like as i think you both either want the same thing and dont know how to grasp it all still or you guys friends with benefits who like to share some times, without the complications of having a live-in partner, day in, day day out. give him choices, options, not just a simple yes or no question.



    starting to sound more like friends, but, if you are not being straight forward with him, he wont know. myself, i can go weeks without talking to friends or family, why? that's how life is. i dont want to call just to say hi, or write forever. i prefer the in person thing. thus, i am not so great with friends, as i only have 1 real one and we both admitted years ago that we love our friendship, would not go without it, but, we are bad at maintaining the friendship. some people are naturals at that, not i/



    from my perspective, i think you should just say what you would like/want. if that doesnt work, then at least you know now, and not in 5 years, having soent all that time hoping and dreaming. save yourself some time, be direct with him. if you are direct and he is direct back, dont read that with emotion, think about what he said before you either jump to marriage or want to john bobbit him. lol. i would love noting more than other people to perception check me, for mutual sides understandings, we lack some things as INTP's
    Thank you so much for your response and for wanting to help me understand - it gave me more peace of mind! I'm inspired to be direct with him, but I'll wait until I see him irl. We are both in our 30s, he is six years older than me. We have both been in long term relationships in the past. I see what you mean by the fact that if he looks at me as some kind of friend then it's no wonder we don't have contact more often. At the same time, I think it's so strange that we act like we're in love (kissing, holding hands, stroking each other's cheeks, all the things that I think are pretty intimate), and then have no contact afterwards. But I'm probably more concerned with what is normal social behavior than he is :) I really want something more with him, and prepare to talk about it every time we meet, but then it is as if I feel so confident in his feelings for me when we are together that I don't feel it is necessary anyway - until I get home and start pondering and worrying about the non-existent contact. I think you are right in that he is mindful and lives more in the present, while I think more about past and future and what defines a relationship. He seems to like analyzing everything but human relationships. Do intp men like to chase women by the way? In that case, I failed, hehe. I'm pretty straight forward with everything (cuddling, kissing, compliments, requests to meet) except what I fear most in the world - talking about emotions and putting myself in a position where I can be rejected.

  9. #7759

    Quote Originally Posted by ai.tran.75 View Post
    Not a relationship question more so pertaining to kids- what's your relationship like with children and do you feel like its easier for you to express emotions with younger children/babies curious

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
    It is awkward. I am very close to my cousin who is 7 years younger than me. But when his friends are around I usually disengage. My family treats me as a "kid" so they expect me to play with his friends even though I don't know them as well. But as teenagers I don't really feel any pressure to do such things.

    Really young children should be avoided like the plague. I do not get involved with kids running around. When I was a kid I never sought out play with older adults unless it was my older cousin at the time.
    ai.tran.75 thanked this post.

  10. #7760

    Quote Originally Posted by haylie View Post
    Thank you so much for your response and for wanting to help me understand - it gave me more peace of mind! I'm inspired to be direct with him, but I'll wait until I see him irl. We are both in our 30s, he is six years older than me. We have both been in long term relationships in the past. I see what you mean by the fact that if he looks at me as some kind of friend then it's no wonder we don't have contact more often. At the same time, I think it's so strange that we act like we're in love (kissing, holding hands, stroking each other's cheeks, all the things that I think are pretty intimate), and then have no contact afterwards. But I'm probably more concerned with what is normal social behavior than he is :) I really want something more with him, and prepare to talk about it every time we meet, but then it is as if I feel so confident in his feelings for me when we are together that I don't feel it is necessary anyway - until I get home and start pondering and worrying about the non-existent contact. I think you are right in that he is mindful and lives more in the present, while I think more about past and future and what defines a relationship. He seems to like analyzing everything but human relationships. Do intp men like to chase women by the way? In that case, I failed, hehe. I'm pretty straight forward with everything (cuddling, kissing, compliments, requests to meet) except what I fear most in the world - talking about emotions and putting myself in a position where I can be rejected.
    you are only rejected if you allow yourself to be or feel rejected. you would like something, you are afraid to pursue it in fear of either it rejecting you or you being unsure, thus not starting. if that makes sens :). i can talk somewhat easily to people, i love to be friendly, could come off across as other things, as i do alot lol, i still try although i am socially awkward.

    i was never a chaser, i talk, i am open, it could come off across as many things, but, my last relationships, the woman initiated, as we types are kinda dumb to notice these things or we are clueless to the average, usual, normal signs.
    if a woman told me exactly what she wanted, in order for that to work, the woman has to be ready to receive the truth/desire/wants, from the other, in return, and it may not be what they wanted. because people are afraid of asking, fear of judging or rejection :(, they end up assuming, that seeds turns moldy fast, now rot is taking over, figure of speech.

    the best way, i would appreciate honesty and directness, let me soak it in for a bit, if i am unsure as to how to reply. but if i was sure, you just opened the door.


     
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