[INTP] comforting an INTP

comforting an INTP

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This is a discussion on comforting an INTP within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I'm an INFP dating an INTP and I have no idea what to do when he's stressed or pissed off ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    comforting an INTP

    I'm an INFP dating an INTP and I have no idea what to do when he's stressed or pissed off about something... I wanna cuddle up on him and tell him everything's gonna be okay, being the cheesy F that I am :) But I'm afraid that would overwhelm him, so I hold back and sit in silence... And I know that he would rather not discuss what's going on emotionally inside of him.

    What's the best kind of support you guys like to have during a time like this?
    Ista thanked this post.

  2. #2
    INTP - The Thinkers

    If I'm feeling down, I would appreciate it if I can discuss my situation to a trustworthy person. And by discuss, I mean being heard out and getting another's objective views on it, meaning that it will not turn into some type of flame war.

    And you should try your own cuddle method on him; you won't know his reaction until you try, but please have a subtle method of approach instead of going hug crazy on him. Some INTPs are cuddle monsters, while others are stoic robots, so determine which variety you have obtained and go forth with the appropriate action.

  3. #3
    INTP - The Thinkers

    It might help to know what sort of thing he's pissed at. Is he mad at himself? At you? At somebody else? Or just at the world or some other intangible 'other'? I think it would make a difference.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Ablysmal View Post
    And you should try your own cuddle method on him; you won't know his reaction until you try, but please have a subtle method of approach instead of going hug crazy on him. Some INTPs are cuddle monsters
    First food, then cuddling. Then nakedness.
    Vanargand, Peripheral, Perhaps and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    I think the best thing is to do whatever feels right and natural. We might act awkward and stiff, and stubbornly insist that we don't want someone's support, but when someone makes an effort to try and make us feel better, this is always appreciated. I don't think you should try to force him to talk about his emotions, but just be there for him and don't be judgmental. Sometimes it helps me just to vent my frustrations at times. I'm not necessarily looking for advice or support. I just need someone to listen.
    L, Ablysmal and I Need to Play thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Don't be afraid of going into cuddle mode. Being overwhelm by cheesy love is much better than being overwhelm by stress I'd say.
    Ista thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Haldir View Post
    First food, then cuddling. Then nakedness.
    I would switch those around to first nakedness then food then cuddling. He needs to work up an appetite
    Last edited by kikikins; 05-01-2012 at 08:58 PM.
    alexande and shadeslayer16 thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    You probably don't want to tell him that "everything will be ok"; I for one find that to be annoying and not comfortable at all (that sounds too much like my worries being dismissed, which I don't like).

    However, I would say cuddling up to him (not on him; that would be a bit much) would be good; just having someone around tends to help me when I'm in a bad mood. Disclaimer: Doesn't work if you are the one his is pissed off about.
    Note: What you want to be going for is being close but unobtrusive. So, if you can find a place where you can be in physical contact with him without getting in his way if he wants to get up / leave / move around, that would be best. Also, you may want to do this silently; the point here is to be an anchor, not a distraction (sorry to put it so bluntly, but when we are engrossed in an issue, especially one we are stressing over, we tend to react negatively to anything external that we have to respond to - like a SO attempting to start a conversation).

    That is what would help me most: having someone close by who is both willing to listen to me vent and just quietly be there if I want to think. Results may vary for other INTPs.
    I Need to Play thanked this post.

  9. #9
    Unknown Personality

    do NOT mess with his head. that is one thing you must not do... even jokingly. a stressed INTP is ready for rage mode when stress level reaches beyond whats considered your normal conditions... cuz... you know... they dont pack in excess emotions like others do. being introverted doesnt help them express it outward to people either.

    if he says its too complicated or difficult to explain, just say "try me" and let him blurt out all his worries and concerns. he'll feel better about it after. you don't have to interject or comment. you just have to nod and say "continue" or "what happens now/next"... reason is ... brain and thought breaks; like 'page breaks' in a paper document.

    they're already decompressing a lot. when you detect they're down to normal levels, give them a hug like you NF's do best.

    Great ass friends' friendship bonus +10 points and a possible rare drop of the elusive INTP gratitude, appreciation, and sentiment.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    you know whats always helped me was somebody who would complain with me. The bitter complaining would eventually turn into sarcastic humor, then towards actual humor, then the whole situation a big joke.
    downsowf and Deathbagel thanked this post.

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