Hi all the ISFJs out there,
Just want to get some input from your experience, or what you think about this.
Recently I starting to suspect if people within the same MBTI categories could share the same childhood experience or neuro-brain wiring. Does the brain wiring make us who we are as ISFJ? And how about whether we share the same childhood? (Hehe, don't want to get into the nature or nurture debate).
The reason I was asking is because I just been through a moderate depression and anxiety last year and now still feeling it every now and then. I am not sure how well ISFJ gel with male and gay, but I think I am going against the male stereotype that society has in mind. Before all these, I thought ISFJ explain my personality quite well, and in fact, I sort of think I am just made this way. However, some events happened last year and triggered my depression made me question myself, deep down, am I really genuinely "nice" or just putting up a facade so that I can be liked.
Disclaimer: This could be my personal experience only and it is not my intention to generalise this to ISFJ, but would be appreciate if you can share if you have similar feelings! :)
During this tough time (even now), I combed through my life and questioning whether my academic achievements, independence, volunteering work, being nice, everything was coming from some insecurities that were accumulated since childhood. And whether it has something to do with my shame in being gay, and all these "nice" things that I have done is trying to compensate for the guilt that I felt.
I came across few ideas/concepts as part of this:
1) Dr. Jonice Webb - Childhood Emotional Neglect (this is not childhood abuse but refers to the emotional connection between parents and children)
2) Robert Glover - No more Mr Nice Guy
3) Andrea Mathews - Letting Go of Good
Personally I resonate very well with Andrea's book (3). I kept asking myself, why did I try so hard to be good, is this the person I really want to be? Who am I and is this the authentic self?
I think I am reaching an age that I start questioning my life - so bear with me :)
I have so many questions but no real answers, I am still searching for the authentic self, but at the same time, I am very afraid to peel off the masks and inspect the raw me. I am not sure whether this came from my experience with depression episode or something else, Brene Brown called them "awakening" :), I really hope so because I am trying to become a better me and try to resolve my past. See, I have done it again, trying to be good, trying to be better, but perhaps I just cannot accept who am I. Is this true?
I would really like to hear from you, if you have similar thoughts.
Do you ever feel distressed when you did something nice but internally you feel so fake? You put on a smile and be nice to people, but not wholeheartedly, and feel so bad afterwards, because you don't want to hurt other people feeling or being nasty to people.
I know seeking approval, have difficulty to say no and handle criticism are common traits in ISFJ. But now, every time I caught myself doing one of this, I am stress because I kept reminding myself that I "should" be doing this and that. Quite stress indeed.
If you have any similar experience or any guidance, I am more than happy to listen.