[ISFJ] How to comfort ISFJ?

How to comfort ISFJ?

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This is a discussion on How to comfort ISFJ? within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Hi, INTP here. So, I have an ISFJ friend who is an absolute gem. She's hard-working, trustworthy, ferociously intelligent, and ...

  1. #1

    How to comfort ISFJ?

    Hi, INTP here. So, I have an ISFJ friend who is an absolute gem. She's hard-working, trustworthy, ferociously intelligent, and just brightens the room. But when she's down, I haven't the faintest idea how to be there for her. :( I feel like there's probably something I could say or do that would brighten her back up, but she and I process things so differently that it's really hard for me to guess what it might be.

    So, I just wanted to ask: when you're down, what do you most want to hear from a friend? (Or what is the nicest thing they can do for you?) She's not super-close geographically, so it's easier for me to chat online with her (or maybe buy her something online) than meet up. Anyway, I appreciate any insights you have.



  2. #2
    ISFJ

    That's cool that you'd like to be there for her. I would say it's not really necessary to say "something" ......I find that for most people (and ISFJS too), that such being 'there' is what's most important. Your presence...whether online or not... Just being there to be a listening ear so that she can process her feelings. A lot of times people don't want advice or 'cliched thoughts'.....they just want someone to be there for them, in a non-judegemental, supportive way.

    I think ISFJS also appreciate thoughtful gestures like a card with a nice note in it, or a little gift of chocolates or something comforting. Just something that says "I'm thinking of you", can help.

  3. #3
    INFJ

    @Geogaddi What's going on with you??! Who's next?? Your ENTJ friend needs you to comfort him after his corporation tanked? Your ESTP friend got an STD and needs you to counsel her? Are you just working on your ESFJ shadow integration, or what?

    (I'm laughing over here, so take this in a spirit of lightheartedness!)

    I kind of wonder if you're disintegrating to 2. Be careful of that! Going to 1 might mean just telling these people to get their shit together, and then forgetting about them.
    eatery125 thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by AnneM View Post
    @Geogaddi What's going on with you??! Who's next?? Your ENTJ friend needs you to comfort him after his corporation tanked? Your ESTP friend got an STD and needs you to counsel her? Are you just working on your ESFJ shadow integration, or what?

    (I'm laughing over here, so take this in a spirit of lightheartedness!)

    I kind of wonder if you're disintegrating to 2. Be careful of that! Going to 1 might mean just telling these people to get their shit together, and then forgetting about them.
    I actually do have an ENTJ friend, although as far as I can tell he never needs my help with anything. <_< (I'm not actually sure why he even talks to me. Extroverts are odd.)

    I guess the reaching out and understanding my various friends' types is about trying to not be a hermit. It's too easy for me to associate only with people of a similar mindset to myself, rather than try to understand and appreciate folks who think differently. I want to be there for them, y'know?
    AnneM thanked this post.

  6. #5
    INFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Geogaddi View Post
    I guess the reaching out and understanding my various friends' types is about trying to not be a hermit. It's too easy for me to associate only with people of a similar mindset to myself, rather than try to understand and appreciate folks who think differently. I want to be there for them, y'know?
    That's awesome, but also take care of yourself. As soon as it gets too uncomfortable or taxing to do this, please let yourself off the hook. I just say this because it pains me to see my INTP mother struggling with this so much of the time. In the end, it's her own needs that get neglected.
    Geogaddi thanked this post.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeri View Post
    they just want someone to be there for them, in a non-judegemental, supportive way.
    Exactly :)

    Might want to consider if you can take a guess at her "love language", too, or ask her at some point what it is. Then you can adjust accordingly (if it's words of affirmation - send her the description of her you wrote here, that is sweet!; if quality time, just spend time chatting; if physical touch, send her something physically soothing like a neck pillow; if gifts, find something little you think matches her personality; if acts of service... this one would be a little trickier... but maybe you could find something online that is practically useful, or help her find the answer to a practical problem)...
    eatery125 thanked this post.


     

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