[ISFJ] Been seeing an isfj who is copying my lifestyle

Been seeing an isfj who is copying my lifestyle

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This is a discussion on Been seeing an isfj who is copying my lifestyle within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Been seeing this isfj and I've never been with anyone like her. But... is it normal for you to literally ...

  1. #1

    Been seeing an isfj who is copying my lifestyle

    Been seeing this isfj and I've never been with anyone like her.

    But... is it normal for you to literally copy the lifestyle of your s/o?

    Down to the vehicle they drive, the times they get up at, the times they go to bed, the things they like, eat, etc.

    Let's just say I have my shit together and can see why, but... why?
    AnneM thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Insecurity? IDK, seems odd to me.

  3. #3
    INFJ

    Quote Originally Posted by shazam View Post
    Been seeing this isfj and I've never been with anyone like her.

    But... is it normal for you to literally copy the lifestyle of your s/o?

    Down to the vehicle they drive, the times they get up at, the times they go to bed, the things they like, eat, etc.

    Let's just say I have my shit together and can see why, but... why?
    That's intense. Those are all Si things. Which means she's either trying to give you her whole self (kinda scary), or she's not really ISFJ.

    That would be like me getting with an ENTP and adopting his religion.

    OH.

    SHIT.

    As I typed that, I realized that I DID try to do that with an ENTP, years ago, a fucking Mormon!!!

    I told the girl leading the study class or whatever it was, "I'm just into this dude and doin' whatever it takes, ya know...."



    Either way, though, it's a little creepy.
    shazam and Aridela thanked this post.

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  5. #4

    @shazam , people tend to gravitate towards the things that they know someone they're attracted to identifies with. This ISFJ is doing a more extreme case of this possibly due to desperation. They may also have been conditioned into conforming with a superior power in a given situation. We can't be so certain, especially having not met with the ISFJ. The odds do, however, favor this pattern of emulation being a red flag...but one that could be leveraged to your convenience. Have you noticed any other worrisome conduct or thought patterns that the ISFJ demonstrates? Look into histrionic and the various dependency personality disorders and see if the ISFJ parallels these conditions at least sub-clinically.
    shazam thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by OfMythAndMajesty View Post
    @shazam , people tend to gravitate towards the things that they know someone they're attracted to identifies with. This ISFJ is doing a more extreme case of this possibly due to desperation. They may also have been conditioned into conforming with a superior power in a given situation. We can't be so certain, especially having not met with the ISFJ. The odds do, however, favor this pattern of emulation being a red flag...but one that could be leveraged to your convenience. Have you noticed any other worrisome conduct or thought patterns that the ISFJ demonstrates? Look into histrionic and the various dependency personality disorders and see if the ISFJ parallels these conditions at least sub-clinically.
    Well she likes really rough sex, which I'm not really into, but have been giving it a go... as though she wants to be used.

    Someone had sex with her against her will when she was very young. Her family background is a mess, very rough area and upbringing, but not abusive. She had to become self reliant at a very young age.

    She's been with losers before me. E.g if she were with a drug dealer she would pay off their debts. It's as though I've saved her... I can see myself falling in love with her.

    She's very modest. Doesn't wear loads of makeup, hates having her ass and tits out or being stared at, has a different clothing style, listens to me speak, supports me, offers to pay for everything.

    Like, when we started dating she wouldn't let me pick her up and said she'd get a taxi. She's very shy but since being with me, she's gaining more and more confidence along with self belief, because I convince and encourage her, that she can do whatever she wants in this world.

    It's like she's never had the opportunity to become the best part of herself, and I show her that she can.
    Just giving a bit more of an insight into our dynamic for these next questions.

    What do you mean by desperation?
    How can it be a red flag?
    By convenience, I don't want to use her, what do you mean by convenience?

    Thanks man, you seem genuine.
    Last edited by shazam; 09-05-2019 at 10:57 AM.

  7. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by shazam View Post
    Well she likes really rough sex, which I'm not really into, but have been giving it a go... as though she wants to be used.

    Someone had sex with her against her will when she was very young. Her family background is a mess, very rough area and upbringing, but not abusive. She had to become self reliant at a very young age.

    She's been with losers before me. E.g if she were with a drug dealer she would pay off their debts. It's as though I've saved her... I can see myself falling in love with her.

    She's very modest. Doesn't wear loads of makeup, hates having her ass and tits out or being stared at, has a different clothing style, listens to me speak, supports me, offers to pay for everything.

    Like, when we started dating she wouldn't let me pick her up and said she'd get a taxi. She's very shy but since being with me, she's gaining more and more confidence along with self belief, because I convince and encourage her, that she can do whatever she wants in this world.

    It's like she's never had the opportunity to become the best part of herself, and I show her that she can.
    Just giving a bit more of an insight into our dynamic for these next questions.

    What do you mean by desperation?
    How can it be a red flag?
    By convenience, I don't want to use her, what do you mean by convenience?

    Thanks man, you seem genuine.
    Odd that she would like it very rough. It could be possible that she unconsciously yearns to recreate the horrible experience she had in her youth. Desperation meaning clinginess, checking up on you incessantly, always wanting to know where you are/being with you. It could be a red flag as she may manipulate you into the aforementioned ends or worse. Again it's a possibility, but not necessarily the reality. From your testimony, she appears to be cool (though misguided in the past). I trust your judgment and everything that I did say prior was food for thought--nothing conclusive about her. Anyways, just keep your eye out and remember that you can't save her...as in her decisions are all her own. I'll PM you a video explaining that.

    As per convenience, I wouldn't say using. I'm referring to her extremely prevalent trait of agreeableness. Someone with such a high level will not only (often) put other's opinions before their own, but almost let others make up their minds for them.
    shazam thanked this post.

  8. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by OfMythAndMajesty View Post
    Odd that she would like it very rough. It could be possible that she unconsciously yearns to recreate the horrible experience she had in her youth. Desperation meaning clinginess, checking up on you incessantly, always wanting to know where you are/being with you. It could be a red flag as she may manipulate you into the aforementioned ends or worse. Again it's a possibility, but not necessarily the reality. From your testimony, she appears to be cool (though misguided in the past). I trust your judgment and everything that I did say prior was food for thought--nothing conclusive about her. Anyways, just keep your eye out and remember that you can't save her...as in her decisions are all her own. I'll PM you a video explaining that.

    As per convenience, I wouldn't say using. I'm referring to her extremely prevalent trait of agreeableness. Someone with such a high level will not only (often) put other's opinions before their own, but almost let others make up their minds for them.
    Very good man. I’ll keep an eye. Probably make an updated thread in a couple months

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by OfMythAndMajesty View Post
    Odd that she would like it very rough. It could be possible that she unconsciously yearns to recreate the horrible experience she had in her youth. Desperation meaning clinginess, checking up on you incessantly, always wanting to know where you are/being with you. It could be a red flag as she may manipulate you into the aforementioned ends or worse. Again it's a possibility, but not necessarily the reality. From your testimony, she appears to be cool (though misguided in the past). I trust your judgment and everything that I did say prior was food for thought--nothing conclusive about her. Anyways, just keep your eye out and remember that you can't save her...as in her decisions are all her own. I'll PM you a video explaining that.

    As per convenience, I wouldn't say using. I'm referring to her extremely prevalent trait of agreeableness. Someone with such a high level will not only (often) put other's opinions before their own, but almost let others make up their minds for them.
    ima just say that it isn't odd at all, that's pretty common for girls who had trauma or a bad childhood

  10. #9

    @shazam

    When I was flirting around with an ISFJ girl for a year or two, (she's bi; I'm not but was curious) she would copy the way I spoke, acted and approach to life a lot.
    She was drawn to my "adventurous" lifestyle.

    I noticed a pattern in ISFJs to be attracted to Pe doms and especially Se doms. ENFPs can give the image of false Se to someone who's not into mbti.

    They like to imitate as a ways of connecting I think. Although hers sound kinda unhealthy.

  11. #10

    My ISFJ partner doesn't do this at all, but he's male, so no idea if that plays a role.

    Actually, if anything, I did it more to him. Not the vehicle, but I can easily adapt to things like bedtime and food preferences for the most part. To me being with the other person usually matters more than exactly what time I wake up or what's for dinner. I noticed over the course of my life that I also tend to gravitate towards whatever field of study/career the other person is in. I didn't do it on purpose, but it happened over time. I tend to believe this is because I've been indecisive and drawn to many different paths, and I seem to be drawn to people who are in career fields that also appeal to me (I tend to like SFs and FJs, and I am most interested in social-service careers). That said, with time, I also differentiate. It just takes me a while...

    Why? Probably because they're not very opinionated in those areas and they tend to like your taste generally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katie Tran
    They like to imitate as a ways of connecting I think.
    Yeah. Also as sort of a shortcut for having to make her own decisions probably. What's her e-type?


     

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