[ISFJ] My boss is an ISFJ and he's driving me nuts!

My boss is an ISFJ and he's driving me nuts!

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This is a discussion on My boss is an ISFJ and he's driving me nuts! within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; First of all, I want to say that he's actually a nice guy. I don't have anything against him and ...

  1. #1

    My boss is an ISFJ and he's driving me nuts!

    First of all, I want to say that he's actually a nice guy. I don't have anything against him and the brief conversations I've had with him have been friendly. So it's not his personality that's bugging me. He smothers me. I work as a delivery driver and he's constantly coming over to check my work. Even when I tell him repeatedly that I got everything right in the order (I even double check just to make sure). He'll actually unpack the bag I just finished packing to make sure I got everything. He does this several times in one day and it actually delays me a bit. Another thing that bugs me is that every time he walks over to me, no matter what I'm doing, he always has something to say about how I could do something right (it's usually minor stuff). And if I'm doing something completely right, he treats me to the same lectures about why things are done this way. I can practically quote him now.

    Guys... my boss is nice. He's one of the better bosses I've had. For that reason, I really want to get on his good side. But I fear I can't really do that if he's constantly following me around treating me to lectures I don't need to hear that slow me down and irritate me. How exactly can I resolve this issue without being disrespectful?



  2. #2
    Unknown

    You could try...talking to him about it? Honestly, that seems like the best thing to try. If you haven't made him aware of what he's doing, he's likely not going to think what he's doing is bothering you. Just ask him if you can talk with him about some concerns you have with the way he treats you at work and let him know how you feel.

  3. #3

    I think an ISFJ would notice if you react annoyed by what they do.
    I think that I've dealt with people like that and they just don't seem to get a clue by my facial expression or anything until I mention the issue.
    I agree with anferny :)

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  5. #4
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by KateMarie999 View Post
    First of all, I want to say that he's actually a nice guy. I don't have anything against him and the brief conversations I've had with him have been friendly. So it's not his personality that's bugging me. He smothers me. I work as a delivery driver and he's constantly coming over to check my work. Even when I tell him repeatedly that I got everything right in the order (I even double check just to make sure). He'll actually unpack the bag I just finished packing to make sure I got everything. He does this several times in one day and it actually delays me a bit. Another thing that bugs me is that every time he walks over to me, no matter what I'm doing, he always has something to say about how I could do something right (it's usually minor stuff). And if I'm doing something completely right, he treats me to the same lectures about why things are done this way. I can practically quote him now.

    Guys... my boss is nice. He's one of the better bosses I've had. For that reason, I really want to get on his good side. But I fear I can't really do that if he's constantly following me around treating me to lectures I don't need to hear that slow me down and irritate me. How exactly can I resolve this issue without being disrespectful?

    Question: Do you have any idea how he treats any of your co-workers? I'm curious to know if this is something he does to everyone or if he focuses on you in particular.


    If it's something he does to everyone, it would probably be harder to fix, since my guess is that it's probably just him being overly paranoid/controlling/OCD-ish. ISFJs can often have a desire to know for sure that everything is just right and is perfectly in place, and sometimes we over-worry over minor things. If that was the case, it's nothing personal about you...it's probably moreso that he's worried about every detail because he feels like it's his job.


    If it's something he's just doing to you, I think it would be interesting and helpful to figure out why. Usually if someone earns an ISFJ's trust, the ISFJ will back off more because they won't worry about something not working right. It doesn't sound like you've given him any reason to do this, unless it's just something that you're not aware of. But I do know that in general it can take a while for an ISFJ to trust someone...sometimes it takes a good bit of consistent behavior over a period of time.


    So I don't know, it's hard to say without knowing more. It may just be something that he does all of the time, or there may be something about your situation in particular that makes him feel that way.


    As @anferny said, talking to him might be the best thing, because he may or may not be aware of what he's doing, and he probably doesn't know how you feel about it. Most ISFJs tend to care about people's feelings in situations (ISTJs are more likely to think it's not quite as important). And like I said, if you have any co-workers you could talk to about it, that might give you a better idea about why he is the way he is.
    Night & Day and Shale thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Just to add, I think it's good that he's doing his job- but as a boss he has to oversee you since you're his responsibility and what you do reflects on him. So part of it really is just him doing his job... at least he's doing it so don't take it to heart. He's just doing what he's getting paid to do- so just let him and don't mind it so much. If he really is a ISFJ, he's not intentionally trying to make you feel bad by any means.

  7. #6
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by jehneefur View Post
    Just to add, I think it's good that he's doing his job- but as a boss he has to oversee you since you're his responsibility and what you do reflects on him. So part of it really is just him doing his job... at least he's doing it so don't take it to heart. He's just doing what he's getting paid to do- so just let him and don't mind it so much. If he really is a ISFJ, he's not intentionally trying to make you feel bad by any means.
    I don't know, I think it kind of depends. Sometimes over-checking details is the same thing as micromanaging. It really depends on if all of this double-checking is necessary or not. If it's a new employee or one that's not always reliable, then it makes a little more sense. But part of being a boss is being able to trust employees to do their jobs as well as training them in a way where they do their jobs right consistently...the whole "If you teach a man to fish..." idea. It's just like a parent who tries to do everything for their child...you can't do everything for them, at some point they have to go out on their own and be able to do it.


    So if he's unnecessarily over-checking things, especially to the point where it's delaying the employee, then I would say he's not doing his job. I do think sometimes ISFJs are bad at delegating because we don' trust others to do things the way that we want them to be done. This leads to us taking on too much work ourselves, which can lead to a worse overall result not to mention too much stress.


    So like with many things, it's down to balance. It is the boss' job to care that things are done right and to oversee in order to make sure they are. But part of that is not doing every single little thing yourself.

  8. #7
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Putting myself in his shoes, he is double checking your work b/c your work is a reflection of him and his duties. I would take it as a compliment if you are doing everything correctly, b/c trust in work responsibility is not something that is achieved overnight. Continue to prove yourself capable of a promotion or job reference and he would be the first one to give it to you.

    As an ISFJ, if I had your job ... I would have no problem allowing my boss re-check my work. It is #1 my position and #2 a chance for him to see how well I am doing my job.

    I can see how an ENFP would be smothered. No offense, but sometimes your less serious attitude translates into flakiness and sometimes forgetfulness (my youngest son is an ENFP.) I think it is safe to say that ISFJs are "sociologists" ... we are looking for patterns in behavior in order for us to be secure or trust those around us.

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by KateMarie999 View Post
    First of all, I want to say that he's actually a nice guy. I don't have anything against him and the brief conversations I've had with him have been friendly. So it's not his personality that's bugging me. He smothers me. I work as a delivery driver and he's constantly coming over to check my work. Even when I tell him repeatedly that I got everything right in the order (I even double check just to make sure). He'll actually unpack the bag I just finished packing to make sure I got everything. He does this several times in one day and it actually delays me a bit. Another thing that bugs me is that every time he walks over to me, no matter what I'm doing, he always has something to say about how I could do something right (it's usually minor stuff). And if I'm doing something completely right, he treats me to the same lectures about why things are done this way. I can practically quote him now.

    Guys... my boss is nice. He's one of the better bosses I've had. For that reason, I really want to get on his good side. But I fear I can't really do that if he's constantly following me around treating me to lectures I don't need to hear that slow me down and irritate me. How exactly can I resolve this issue without being disrespectful?
    A few thoughts -

    1. Have you ever given him reason to believe you were not doing your job properly?
    2. How long have you worked there? If it's a short period of time it may get better over time.

    This sounds like either he doesn't fully trust you yet for some reason, or he's just obsessed with details and feels like his job is to ensure everything runs smoothly by ensuring every little detail is in place.

    Talking to him as many people have suggested is probably your best bet. I would try to diplomatically point out that you really appreciate his guidance and diligence in making sure every detail is taken care of, but that you are starting to feel like he doesn't trust you and it is also slowing you down.

    On the other hand if you've broken his trust by messing up in the past it may be hard to change that behavior until he sees that you can consistently do your job. This should go away eventually though if you can regain the trust by talking to him and very consistently demonstrating that you no longer are making these mistakes.
    teddy564339, teddy564339, teddy564339 and 12 others thanked this post.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by teddy564339 View Post
    ISFJs can often have a desire to know for sure that everything is just right and is perfectly in place, and sometimes we over-worry over minor things.
    This is something I've also noticed with ISFJs. Is there a way to show ISFJs that you're taking care of something in a way that allows them to relax and also not to feel compelled to check things repeatedly? Is there something that can be said expressly?

    Quote Originally Posted by teddy564339 View Post
    Sometimes over-checking details is the same thing as micromanaging.

    [...]

    I do think sometimes ISFJs are bad at delegating because we don' trust others to do things the way that we want them to be done. This leads to us taking on too much work ourselves, which can lead to a worse overall result not to mention too much stress.
    This is certainly true. Again, I'm unsure of how one could change this sort of behaviour? How can anyone make an ISFJ delegate if s/he is worried about the very act of delegation?

    Quote Originally Posted by Shale View Post
    As an ISFJ, if I had your job ... I would have no problem allowing my boss re-check my work. It is #1 my position and #2 a chance for him to see how well I am doing my job.
    This is a very SJ statement! I'm going to try to explain this from an NP point of view just to show you how/why things are interpreted differently by NPs.

    In general, NPs are looking at the whole. We don't derive the security that a lot of ISxJs do from detail or knowing that everything is in its place. We privilege adaptability over solidity and the novel over the repeatable. The difference between the two types is neither good nor bad; it merely exists.

    I suppose that, using the example in the OP, the constant checking conveys a lack of trust. It may not be the boss' intention but nevertheless that is the effect. It's true that the boss may be worrying in a very boss-like fashion but, to an NP, he is not inspiring any confidence in himself at all. You can already see the effect on the morale of one of his team members. Ironically, his desire to do things by the book in order to be as efficient as possible is decreasing efficiency.

    However, some of his points may be valid. The issue here is whether or not he is really concerned that his behaviour makes members of his team unhappy and probably not whether or not there is validity in his behaviour.

    Can you offer any suggestions as to how to express unhappiness to an ISFJ without it seeming too personal or "over-the-top"?
    Shale, Shale, pmj85 and 13 others thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    This is something I've also noticed with ISFJs. Is there a way to show ISFJs that you're taking care of something in a way that allows them to relax and also not to feel compelled to check things repeatedly? Is there something that can be said expressly?

    This is certainly true. Again, I'm unsure of how one could change this sort of behaviour? How can anyone make an ISFJ delegate if s/he is worried about the very act of delegation?
    Well, ultimately it's down to trust. I don't think there's anything that a person could say to convince an ISFJ to back off and let go of this control, but there are a lot of things the person could do.


    Basically, if the other person can show consistent behavior for a period of time that shows the ISFJ that the person is responsible and will take care of things, then the ISFJ will be much more likely to trust in them. ISFJs tend to look for consistency, and we want to be able to trust that something is going to go according to plan.


    I know that for some P types, this kind of structure and consistency is a challenge, and I think that's where some of the strain of the relationship comes from.


    Some of the problem comes from timing. An ISFJ may prefer that every step along the way everything is done on time and just right, because that's how ISFJs operate...we have much more trouble improvising and taking care of everything at different times.

    However, I think if an ISFJ sees that another person can still do everything right (consistently) but done in a different way or manner, then they can still acknowledge that other people can do things in different ways. That might be something the person could point out to the ISFJ....that the final result was still done correctly and on time.


    So really the key thing is consistently. The key thing is being reliable and responsible. If the ISFJ feels they can trust someone to always do something right, then they'll be much much more likely to give up their control.


     

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