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This is a discussion on Ask an ISFJ a Question within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Angel Cat, You seem like a truly lovely person... incredibly thoughtful and caring. These are qualities as valuable as gemstones, ...

  1. #1311

    Angel Cat,

    You seem like a truly lovely person... incredibly thoughtful and caring. These are qualities as valuable as gemstones, particularly in this era.

    I understand not wanting to get in his way, but if things don't work out between him and whoever-she-is, would you consider approaching him then? I don't want to tell you what to do or suggest you act against your values, but I would hate for you to look back years later and have regrets that you didn't try.
    Angel Cat thanked this post.

  2. #1312

    Quote Originally Posted by Angel Cat View Post
    Thanks for this response. I saw my crush just last night at a sort of conference event. I didn't think he would go to that event in person. I can't get over him just yet seeing as how nice he was to me, still laughing with me at something funny, still making jokes around me.(sigh)

    I guess there's nothing blatantly embarrassing that I did although... We have a lot of mutual friends and when he was not around, I may have openly said how much I like him to our friends--this was before I knew about him liking someone else. I think that would be pretty embarrassing if he found out, especially since, apparently, the girl he likes is (according to someone I've confided to before) is someone I know personally yet no one would tell me who it is not that I ever insisted to know. So yeah, friends have warned me not to get my hopes up, but then again, no one knew I liked him until about 6-8 months since having feelings for him.

    But since finding out he has strong feelings for someone else, I didn't want to get in the way of anything like that. I value his right to love and happiness with the person he deserves to be with, and also treasure the friendship he's extended.

    Yeah, he's very ISFJ like that like I've seen how caring he is with family--his mom and sisters, and even colleagues. When he would go for coffee for himself, he never failed to ask around if anyone else wanted coffee, and he'd bring back the coffees--but like he doesn't need to do that but it's in those simple ways I slowly developed feelings. His actions made me realize my own. He doesn't know it but he made me a better person by just being himself. That, and, having quite a few several mutual interests.

    Again, thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I'm never going to confront him about my feelings, at least until it does wane; but at least I can know that if he does avoid me for a while, it's not for the wrong reasons. Hope you have a lovely day!
    You need to know that in rare cases, the feelings never do "wane". In extreme cases, such as mine, the feelings of infatuation become so strong that they actually evolve into something even stronger: "Limerance". Like an infatuation, limerance mimics a near-obsessive form of romantic love. It becomes so strong that it affects you on a subconscious level and the feelings of reciprocation (which can only be satisfied by said reciprocation) start manifesting in your dreams. What you dream depends entirely on your subconscious and your feelings. To this day, even the scent of my crush in a crowded gymnasium (in my dreams) triggers a PHYSICAL reaction.

    There's a reason why I chose my screen name to be tripwire_desire. Like you... I have wandered into a field of tripwires of desire. Fortunately, I've been experiencing limerance for so long (the last 20 years to be exact), that I've just accepted it as them being a part of who I am; an extension of who I really am. Unfortunately, the girl I fell in love with rejected my advances from the very start. Really... it was a text book unrequited love. So not only did I experience rejection, I experienced feelings of teen angst from my bullies who caught wind of my advances from the girl.

    I don't mean to hijack this thread, but you need to know that matters of the heart are EXTREMELY serious. Don't downplay your feelings and think that they will just miraculously disappear.

  3. #1313

    Quote Originally Posted by Tripwire_Desire View Post
    Don't downplay your feelings and think that they will just miraculously disappear.
    Perfect timing, thanks.

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  5. #1314

    What do you like to read ?? Also, why do you read ?? Pleasure or to improve your understanding of something ??

  6. #1315

    Quote Originally Posted by HIX View Post
    What do you like to read ?? Also, why do you read ?? Pleasure or to improve your understanding of something ??
    Besides a few bibles one ESV KJV study Bible called the sword by Whittaker House publishers.
    Another that was gifted to me. A KJV large printed Bible from Holman publishers. Not my usual publishing company preference due to their personal erasure of key wordings of the original KJV old English wording.
    Then one from when I was 13.
    A KJV Authorized edition with the letter from the king who commissioned its translation into the common tongue and for all to read. (instead of just the language Noone but the clergyman of the Catholic faith were allowed to hold and learn.) these are the books I'm in everyday usually. After those I find myself in a few devotionals I've chanced upon which were very timely and helpful and which do justice to the experience of the Lord in book and experience other than that. The first devotional is called Jesus Calling - enjoying peace in His presence - by Sarah Young. Came to me at a time when I couldn't read my Bible and understand what God was pointing to for me. This book has always helped bring clarity if I'm uncertain of what He's wanting to communicate overall towards me when I'm too distracted by the situation and it's circumstances. I deal with a lot of anxiety over certain topics . They are way better than they used to be but can be very distracting when surrounded a lot through them.
    After those are..
    Books like the Lord of the rings - with its ability to draw on architypes humanly and accurately and themes of Good triumphing over evil/ light conqueres the darkest things in life, etc. Truth sets you free and freedom from fear via truth and courage given /shown etc and the sacrifice of heros for the greater greatest goods. Character development and true friends and comrads etc. Great power and great responsibility go . That's the stuff of legends and worth remembering!
    Also I do enjoy
    Historical human stories, personal accounts and perspectives only.
    - Perspectives combined in the same book is fine, if many perspectives occur, but no speculation-driven "facts".

    Books like Tis' by Frank McCourt and the like, though I'd rather put my attention more on the good in life.
    Also the papers/books written by past president Abraham Lincoln and etc and on in that vein.

    I have my own personal libraries one for education for my son who is in homeschooling for special needs and likewise actually I J K Sheehan also another separate one for my personal studies and the third one blue things that are just fun to read usually very old books that people would just throw away usually I want to read them to understand a different era better to see the past Through The Eyes of those who lived it these are the greatest ways to get history truly without all the gilding or twisting of facts to suit someone else's perspective when they never lived in that era. I have several books that are falling apart but I only look at once in awhile when I get extra time but I enjoy keeping them around it brings a sense of wholeness continuity to know that they're still around and not degraded to such a degree that no one will ever see them again. I have one mint condition Moby Dick leather bound book I bought it for $60 I believe Seattle Washington. Marked down if you can believe that from 90. It actually made me sick to realize they had to Market down before somebody would want it. One of the classic books and there was no value in it for the people who lived around the area where I bought it. There were a lot of books that were like that there and it was a very sad and kind of astonishing understanding to come upon so suddenly and all in one place. I sort of feel like an unofficial librarian and keeper of what is considered outdated understandings by people who throw things off way too easily and without very much for thought. Finding a good book is getting harder nowadays seeing as a lot of it is opinion being written out by people who want to hear themselves talk a lot of the time LOL. I will be satyr for the closing used book stores even if nobody else misses them. I don't think it's better to have digital things a book you can hold in your hands to me means much more than something that could go away if the electricity wasn't around or the batteries ran out. I do believe there is a place for digital copies which are more convenient but I don't believe that the richness of books will ever really lose its worth the sad part is that by the time people realize what they had it might be gone for them. In a sense maybe I believe I'm doing my part to preserve the library system's before they're gone. I know that that has become a worry for me over the years whereas I used to take it for granted that they're always would be books now with the old ways of thinking that had taken away Knowledge from people becoming more for front without people's knowledge it's under threat. Will we always have access to education if it's easier much much easier to keep us dumb and compliant? With the intrusion of our civil liberties and fear-mongering causing people to reduce the amount of Freedom once enjoyed by all I don't doubt that we are going in and downward spiral as long as fear wins the day. Cow trailer side those definitely are my tastes and style of. I read because I like information and educational understandings but I also read because I like to live through good characters doing what's right doing what's good even though they go through terrible things They persevere and it's not always The Talented who win in life so having books that aren't complete make believe crap but relying on real archetypes and subtext? Seems I'm good and evil mastery of Darkness and basically anything that doesn't turn things upside down trying to be edgy is going to be my thing :-) oh and I also like dry wit and wittiness in general is quite attractive in books for me in real life as well just not at the wrong time when I'm trying to be serious LOL. my dad introduced me to books as a way of understanding things that I did not understand and working through problems that would come up. I believe he is also ISFJ. with at least one function maybe two different than me just slightly but he seems to fit the mold.

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  7. #1316

    What is something you wish you would have learned / cultivated when you were younger that would have served you as an adult? (e.g. being more flexible, more organized, more social, etc.)

  8. #1317

    Me being me, I wouldn't change a thing, knowing I'd just have to go through some form of what I did just so I could learn about life in the way that my mind works.

    It's very tempting to say that I would be better at X Y or Z but the reality is there's no way to do that unless you grow and you can't grow if you don't have a reason to.

    In an imaginary world where wanting it equals not having to go through crap to get it, I would live life all over again with what I know now and be better off in some ways for it and maybe worse off and others.
    because everything that happened the way it did led to me being who I am today. What I was saved from. Who I was saved from. What I was introduced to, excetera.
    All these things have either shown me what I don't want to be like,
    what I want to be like,
    whatq I am or what I was.
    All very necessary experiences that nobody can take shortcuts on. Development of your personality and understanding levels and love levels is all based upon experience and what you get from that experience.
    I guess the one thing that I would have liked to have changed (but still couldn't have even if I would have liked to because I needed it), would be the fact that I was too afraid to try something new that was safe and in key points of my life I have made mistakes that caused limitations later on.
    I would personally, with my limited understanding and wisdom still intact, have liked not to make those expensive mistakes.
    However a few great things happened out of them. Very useful information was gained that I can now share with others even if I can't do anything about it myself.
    Also, some things that I am learning now are the things I really need to learn anyways and I would not have learned if I could have changed my decisions from the past surrounding said situation.
    In reality, every decision and mistake is necessary, and while nobody really likes suffering, in suffering there is experience that you learn from. It shapes and it changes you. But there is a type that you don't learn from and instead you keep repeating your mistakes.
    The type of mistakes that keep getting repeated are the ones you don't learn from and if nothing else I would have liked to have the ability to have learned from those mistakes faster and/or more thoroughly the first time.
    But, still, having those blind spots in my mind, that would not have been possible. At least not without the mistake, so, we are right back to where we started!

    I wouldn't change anything even if I could have changed the mistakes or low quality of my beginnings. It has made me who and what I am today. And that has been hard won and would be empty w out the lessons along the way. Even the ones I had to learn about why I didn't like not learning fast enough and having such a naive Noob mentality at some point oh, I needed to be there because that brought me all the problems and situations it led me here that makes me useful to others going through that same issue if they can hear me and they don't have to go through exactly the hard way that I went through. If they can't then I know how to comfort them after a hard time. Gives me more compassion for people like me and give me the experience that I need to do better.

    Sent from my VS995 using Tapatalk
    Last edited by QueenAnnesLace; 09-28-2019 at 07:10 PM.

  9. #1318

    Well i dont get it as a need in the way it seems to be read by those who ive seen bring this out to speak on.
    Think less doormat more teammate.
    what i need is to know were on the same page whatever is going on, whether its me doing the thing/s or you. If i have to factor you in Ill need to know were stepping together so i can know where ill need to go and where you will be (for lack of a better way to describe it) and people tend to misread that as a need to be validated and or noticed. if im noticed its ridiculous feeling to me, cause for one its embarrassing in group settings and two i haven't ever found it necessary or as a motive for doing the things i do as others tend to find it motivation to be noticed. i find it demotivating unless im actively being downplayed and thats hurtful of course and even to others who arent isfj i am sure.
    im the last one who'll be standing about w my hand out for thanks and "notice me" moments or anything else for that matter. I have a hard time accepting anything from another person . Trust must be built first, and i must know you are the kind of person whom it is okay to receive from. no ulterior motives. etc. professional situations aside of course. those make sense. its convention and expected. My intentions arent to be noticed or given the okay to do what i can clearly see is needed. I haven't needed this since i was out of my early 20s and even then it wasn't so much that i needed validation as a human being, it was i needed to know what i was doing was good for those around me, and that it was as high a mark as i could hit w them. not because i cared what their personal opinions were about me but more so because i was unsure how i was doing in excellence and had to see. and had less to compare it to. I have been very naive though and people took advantage till i got a full grasp non their kind of personality issues. Users, abusive adults, messed up people who were bad news from the start but i didn't see any danger. Believed people were being genuine because why not, i was .. There were lots of times i was saved by good people and situations and some sense through the Holy Spirit to my soul. That HG saved me on lots of areas. picked apartments by it even, got the best of everything and when i didn't listen to it things wouldn't work out as well at all. sometimes i would miss it (what ever it was) all the way. and thats a bummer let me tell you. Its like having the inside scoop and then watching it go on by you. Mistakes with following the HG is what gets you the worst. I think its the knowing about things others dont and still messing it up..just makes your heart sink that much deeper when you miss it.

  10. #1319

    What kind of jokes do you like the most?

    Lewd? E.g.
    What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
    A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

    Crude? E.g.
    If men get cock blocked...
    Do women get beaver damned?


    Rude? E.g.
    What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
    Canoes are known to tip.

  11. #1320
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by HIX View Post
    What do you like to read ?? Also, why do you read ?? Pleasure or to improve your understanding of something ??
    I don't enjoy reading. When I read it is to improve my understanding of something.


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