This is a discussion on Ask an ISFJ a Question within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by jeb I am INTJ Type 2 (which is not common), and I struggle with validation as well. ...
Thanks for the reply. Criticism is something that is difficult for a lot of people, and its always nice to see when people can see the difference with constructive criticism being from a place of caring and helpfulness... as long as they provide a solution for you, that is ;)
Do you ever feel needy about being validation? Our, guilt from it? Does anyone ever give you a hard time about it? If so, how do you process and deal with that?
Usually verbal, but I find gestures just as reassuring. I like physical gestures, like hugs and hand holding, but I find verbal validation lasts longer, if I feel myself start to dip into that 'I feel unappreciated and a bit meanginless' I think, wait a minute, so-and-so said that, and it was only the other day! I can't have changed since then!
I'm sorry, I'm not familiar enough with types to be able to answer that for you :S but I will say I think it's a mistake to think that depression is unique to a type. I've had my times of depression, and I think there are definitely factors relating to type that make you more prone, but there's a lot more to depression than just type or whether or not you're healthy. And I say that having thought all that WAS the case when I was at my lowest!
Have you always had this struggle or is this a new thing that's just cropped? Has something changed in your life that you think might have triggered the extra need for validation??
I find it varies for me, I think it ties in a lot with me being a girl as well, with hormonal levels changing on a regular basis, but also what's going on in my environment, and the weather. In September I was quite happily bouncing around needing validation only so often, but come March when exams were on the horizon I really struggled and needed almost daily support from home.
Otherwise I only befriend people who share the same needs so there's no drama about this. The only one who gets pissed off by me is my sister (ENTP). Now she can be a pretty bad one if she loses it, and it happens a lot. Then I'll just wait for the storm to pass :P But when she's nice, she's super cuddly and giggly and supportive, so I forgive easily :D
I definitely feel like it's something I need. I don't ask for anything else in return. I don't want anyone to do me a favor, I don't want them to do the same services to me that I have done for them. I just want them to acknowledge that I go over and beyond to help them out in any way that I can. I do not feel like I need it from everyone but I do need it with people I am close with. That includes friends and family and especially my SO.
I'd prefer people to express their appreciation for me by just stating it once and awhile. (partners a little more often lol). "You are so helpful. God will bless you. Thanks for always being there for when I need you. I love you" Things like this would melt my heart. It validates that they are not taking advantage of me.
ISFJs - do you guys find yourself to be facially expressive?
What is it like for you to interact with someone who is more stoic?
I need some ISFJ help here :) Are these personal stories what makes you feel appreciated? Or something else? And how often? eveytime? every 5 times? (yeah, I'm probably supposed to be able to figure out how often on my own, but, hey, INTP here. We don't read people very well sometimes.)
As an introvert and a thinker, a "thank you" is usually more than I expect, so the personal touch is something that doesn't come natural to me. But, I am willing to try because I think she is a lovely person who deserves to be seen and appreciated for the wonderful person that she is. I can't fix everyone's rudeness, but at least I'd like to understand what I can do to help her feel more appreciated by me. Thanks for any ideas.