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This is a discussion on Ask an ISFJ a Question within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; ...

  1. #21
    ENTJ - The Executives


    Why have every ISFJ I´ve met been emotionally hostile against me? They told me that I lack logic and is arrogant and narrow-minded.
    Do you think this is because my ignoring of Ti, which ISFJ:s value OR is it because i accidentally fucked his wife and bragged about it?

  2. #22

    Do ISFJs actually like hugs or is that just some incorrect "fact" I assumed from somewhere?

  3. #23
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by jeb View Post
    ISFJs - do you guys find yourself to be facially expressive?

    What is it like for you to interact with someone who is more stoic?
    Yes, more so than most other people I know. I think I can hide it to some degree but only if I'm trying, and even then my face is more expressive than most. Interacting with those more stoic? That depends. I know some people don't naturally show much emotion or reaction on their faces. If I've known you for a while and we are comfortable with each other, a more stoic style of expression won't bother me; that's just the way you are. For people I've just met it can be a bit disconcerting to wonder if they are enjoying my company or just tolerating it.
    jeb and candijoy thanked this post.

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  5. #24
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Zen Lizard View Post
    Yes, more so than most other people I know. I think I can hide it to some degree but only if I'm trying, and even then my face is more expressive than most. Interacting with those more stoic? That depends. I know some people don't naturally show much emotion or reaction on their faces. If I've known you for a while and we are comfortable with each other, a more stoic style of expression won't bother me; that's just the way you are. For people I've just met it can be a bit disconcerting to wonder if they are enjoying my company or just tolerating it.
    What circumstances would make you want to hide your expressiveness?

    I wish that I was more expressive. People often are disconcerted or confused about my mood or level of enjoyment in their company when I'm having a fine time. I'm generally more expressive with people I'm close to though. Do you think that lack of expression is something that would prevent you from getting to know someone you might otherwise have a lot in common with?
    Zen Lizard thanked this post.

  6. #25
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by tpwoof View Post
    I have an ISFJ friend and she is always so helpful. I don't take advantage of her, but whenever she does help me with something, she goes way above and beyond what I'd expect. I want her to know how much I really appreciate all that she does for me. I always thank her for what she does, when she does it, but I often feel like she wants or expects more than just a "thank you" from me. I've given her little gifts or cards, but those seem to embarrass her and are usually barely acknowledged, so I think that gifts are probably not her love language. What does seem to make her happy in these instances is some sort of personal confession on how what she's done has specifically meant to me (like how it helped my mom be on time, or how I couldn't have gotten my car fixed without her), or an acknowledgement of how much she personally means to me as her friend.

    I need some ISFJ help here :) Are these personal stories what makes you feel appreciated? Or something else? And how often? eveytime? every 5 times? (yeah, I'm probably supposed to be able to figure out how often on my own, but, hey, INTP here. We don't read people very well sometimes.)

    As an introvert and a thinker, a "thank you" is usually more than I expect, so the personal touch is something that doesn't come natural to me. But, I am willing to try because I think she is a lovely person who deserves to be seen and appreciated for the wonderful person that she is. I can't fix everyone's rudeness, but at least I'd like to understand what I can do to help her feel more appreciated by me. Thanks for any ideas.
    Yes!! I am very pleased and really tickled to hear personal stories about how a gift has been helpful to the people I care about. It doesn't have to be too long, just a sentence or two, or more detailed if you feel like it, but it's the extra beyond the "thank you" that makes it all worthwhile. It's also very nice to hear every time.

    In making the effort of finding out what your friend would like from other ISFJ's it's obvious to me that she means a lot to you. Once in a while (you don't have to go overboard since it doesn't come naturally) tell her just what you said in your post about her being a lovely person who deserves to be seen and appreciated. If a friend said this to me I would treasure these words in my heart. I'm not exaggerating either, it's a wonderful thing to hear and tuck away to recall on bad days when life kinda sucks.

    I think your friend is lucky to have such a thoughtful friend in you =)
    Fynest One, tpwoof, candijoy and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #26
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by jeb View Post
    What circumstances would make you want to hide your expressiveness?

    I wish that I was more expressive. People often are disconcerted or confused about my mood or level of enjoyment in their company when I'm having a fine time. I'm generally more expressive with people I'm close to though. Do you think that lack of expression is something that would prevent you from getting to know someone you might otherwise have a lot in common with?
    I hide my expressiveness with people I don't know well. I think it's a function of being self conscious and a bit awkward around people when face to face. Yes, definitely. If I don't know you the lack of expression may be off-putting enough to make me even more self conscious. This happens in person more often than I care to admit and I'm left wondering how many interesting people I've just been too shy to keep talking to without that facial feedback assurance to know my conversation is welcomed.
    izebize, enitsirp, candijoy and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #27
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Zen Lizard View Post
    I hide my expressiveness with people I don't know well. I think it's a function of being self conscious and a bit awkward around people when face to face. Yes, definitely. If I don't know you the lack of expression may be off-putting enough to make me even more self conscious. This happens in person more often than I care to admit and I'm left wondering how many interesting people I've just been too shy to keep talking to without that facial feedback assurance to know my conversation is welcomed.
    Verbal assurance and feedback wouldn't be sufficient?

  9. #28
    INTJ

    Do ISFJs like to banter?

  10. #29
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by snowbell View Post
    Do ISFJs actually like hugs or is that just some incorrect "fact" I assumed from somewhere?
    Well it depends... I love hugs but I feel uncomfortable when there are people around me... (not that I feel I'll be judged but I fear that they might also be uncomfortable... It's the same with kissing).
    snowbell, jeb and candijoy thanked this post.

  11. #30
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by tpwoof View Post
    I have an ISFJ friend and she is always so helpful. I don't take advantage of her, but whenever she does help me with something, she goes way above and beyond what I'd expect. I want her to know how much I really appreciate all that she does for me. I always thank her for what she does, when she does it, but I often feel like she wants or expects more than just a "thank you" from me. I've given her little gifts or cards, but those seem to embarrass her and are usually barely acknowledged, so I think that gifts are probably not her love language. What does seem to make her happy in these instances is some sort of personal confession on how what she's done has specifically meant to me (like how it helped my mom be on time, or how I couldn't have gotten my car fixed without her), or an acknowledgement of how much she personally means to me as her friend.

    I need some ISFJ help here :) Are these personal stories what makes you feel appreciated? Or something else? And how often? eveytime? every 5 times? (yeah, I'm probably supposed to be able to figure out how often on my own, but, hey, INTP here. We don't read people very well sometimes.)

    As an introvert and a thinker, a "thank you" is usually more than I expect, so the personal touch is something that doesn't come natural to me. But, I am willing to try because I think she is a lovely person who deserves to be seen and appreciated for the wonderful person that she is. I can't fix everyone's rudeness, but at least I'd like to understand what I can do to help her feel more appreciated by me. Thanks for any ideas.
    My little sister is an INTP so I have a little experience with you fellas. :) As lovely as gifts are, they are not our love language and we do not need that in order to feel appreciated. Yes personal stories are a great way to help us feel appreciated. "Thank you's" are great too but if you specifically say something like "Thank you so much for what you did today. I honestly don't know what I would've done if you were not here" is GOLD. or something like "You are so sweet. Everything you do never goes unoticed". I personally would like to hear something like this maybe once or twice a month. Nothing more than that. I just want to make sure that I am actually being helpful to others still and that I have not slacked off in that department. My little INTP sister is a sweetheart but she does not really go out of her way to say things like this to me. But also, she is so independent that she does not require that much of me and rarely asks for favors so that could be another reason too. I hope this helped.
    candijoy, cheapsunglasses and Alohalyssa thanked this post.


     
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