This is a discussion on Ask an ISFJ a Question within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; ...
I guess nobody wants to get to know us :(
Ask us a question Jeb :D Happy to answer! xx
I have lots of questions. I guess I'll first ask about something I read in the ISFJ descriptions and then saw a bit of when lurking your forum. It seems as though validation or expressed appreciation is something that ISFJs need. If that is something that you can relate to - do you think you need it from everyone, or from specific people? How do you want people to go about expressing these things to you? Do you offer the same in return to the people you need it from?
No, that's very true, we do need a lot of validation. It's very frustrating at times because it's not something we're- well, I'm- not always completely aware of, so it gets to me a lot. I dunno, I think of it as like an MOT. After a time I get run down, doubts start to seep in about my abilities, something might happen that at any other time after a boost in confidence from validation I would just sweep off easily, but because I'm feeling low and I haven't had that verbal validation, I suddenly can't quite shrug off the slightest criticism, and at that point I need someone to say to me 'actually you're doing great, keep it up'. Myself I actually find I desire it from everyone, but am more than content getting it from family and friends. When I am at that low kindoff down on-my-self-but-not-really-sure-why time it grates on me when people don't seem to warm to me much and I feel like it's my responsibility that they haven't, rather than actually think it might be I'm not their kind of person, or it might not even personal at all, might be they're just having a rubbish day. I definitely see it as a flaw at times, and I envy other personality types their ability to march on quite happily by their own steam, seemingly completely confident in their own view of themselves, buut at the same time, I see it as very much an MOT. I need validation from time to time to keep working, and my family and friends are happy to help out. I tend to ask to be honest, I'll say to them I'm feeling so-and-so, and they'll give me some appreciation , although sometimes they can just tell, my parents are great for it, I think my Dad as an ISTJ relates a lot to it so he especially is always happy to give me appreciation. I think because I rely a lot on it I tend to be more on the lookout for it in other people, if they seem down I like to instill in them as much appreciation as I can, or I try at least, I've probably been oblivious to it as often as I've noticed and said something. It depends as well on how much I know the person. If we're close, no doubt about it I will give appreciation. If I don't really know them, but they are really down in the dumps, I'll also try then. I think it's better to try and build people up then bring them down. Does that answer your question? haha I went on a bit of a ramble there! We are a needy type, I hate to say it, but I hope we make up for it in other ways!
ps. your avatar is awesome. (And you don't even go here :P)
@Chloezinha , thank you for the reply.
Does this validation need to be verbal, or would someones thoughtful or appreciative actions fill the need?
Do you think its possible that this could be a common ISFJ characteristic because of the high frequency of ISFJs being Type 2? I am INTJ Type 2 (which is not common), and I struggle with validation as well. I'm not sure if this is because I am just unhealthy in my type or depressed, or if this is something that could be related to being a Type 2.
At what frequency do you think you need validation from friends/family/partners?
What are ISFJ guys like in relationships? I don't have any in particular in mind, but, in general, would they work with an ENTJ girl with strong F? :P