[ISFJ] Halp me! INFP accidentally offended ISFJ friend; completely confused

Halp me! INFP accidentally offended ISFJ friend; completely confused

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This is a discussion on Halp me! INFP accidentally offended ISFJ friend; completely confused within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; How do I make it up to her? I never meant any harm, of course, but the fact I hurt ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Halp me! INFP accidentally offended ISFJ friend; completely confused

    How do I make it up to her? I never meant any harm, of course, but the fact I hurt her is enough. How do I fix it?
    Last edited by narfae; 02-18-2015 at 05:56 PM.



  2. #2
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Just keep doing what you're doing. Give her a ton of space and don't hold on so tight to the friendship. She will come to you if the friendship is meant to be. Love liberates, it doesn't control.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by narfae View Post
    How do I make it up to her? I never meant any harm, of course, but the fact I hurt her is enough. How do I fix it?
    depends on what you did. lol
    Goliath, Lysana, Goliath and 20 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetSunshine7 View Post
    Give her a ton of space and don't hold on so tight to the friendship. She will come to you if the friendship is meant to be.
    This was told to me by two of my ISFJ friends.

    If I may ask what it means to give someone space and don't hold on so tight?
    Does that mean that I should not have high expectations of my friend?
    Does that mean that I have to reduce the messages and phone calls?
    Does that mean that I should not criticize, give advice or even to interfere in his or her life?
    Or does it mean something else??

    And what means "if it is not meant to be"? I do not believe in fate.
    One of my friends almost never spends time with me alone, we rarely spend time together even in the larger group. Most of our relationship takes place via e-mail and personal letters. To summarize he is trying about relationships only as much as necessary to keep relationship going. He often says thinks like: "I love you" and "we must always hope that the relationship will be better one day" but if you do not try constantly to build a relationship, then you can hope all you want, but nothing will change!
    Pepeljara thanked this post.

  6. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Mouse View Post
    but if you do not try constantly to build a relationship, then you can hope all you want, but nothing will change!
    This is something that I truly agree with. And yet, the only thing that happens when you try to make it clear that everyone has to try to keep things going, that it's not a one way street, sadly you just get kicked out by those who don't think that way. They just find it overbearing. I was trying to understand this for a long time, I thought that I just wasn't good enough for someone to keep trying. But in the end it just seems that some people strive to maintain "independent connections" and are just not comfortable with "forcing" any bonds. For them it either works on it's own, or it doesn't work at all.

    And it's hard to understand this from a completely different point of view. I don't think that you or anyone should change their ways. It's a matter of accepting. If you can accept their independance, and they can accept your honest will, every problem can be solved.
    Little Mouse thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    Quote Originally Posted by narfae View Post
    How do I make it up to her? I never meant any harm, of course, but the fact I hurt her is enough. How do I fix it?
    A sincere apology goes a long way towards mending a damaged friendship. If you can't give one in person, craft an email from the heart and send it. Then give her space to respond with no pressure for a response.

  8. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Pepeljara View Post
    And it's hard to understand this from a completely different point of view. I don't think that you or anyone should change their ways. It's a matter of accepting. If you can accept their independance, and they can accept your honest will, every problem can be solved.
    Yes but if I accept "independent connections" type of relationship then I have to act like a completely different person. And if the other person accepts me as I am, then that person can not have only "independent connections" with me beacuse I am not built for that kind of relationship.

    I must add, my friend wants a better relationship, but believes that the progression of the relationship must happen spontaneously over time. If you ask me it is nonsense.

    Pepeljara, zgodan izbor imena!

  9. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Mouse View Post
    Yes but if I accept "independent connections" type of relationship then I have to act like a completely different person. And if the other person accepts me as I am, then that person can not have only "independent connections" with me beacuse I am not built for that kind of relationship.

    I must add, my friend wants a better relationship, but believes that the progression of the relationship must happen spontaneously over time. If you ask me it is nonsense.

    Pepeljara, zgodan izbor imena!
    Not necessarily, you can accept it and still act in your own way :) For instance if you make it clear that that's the way you work and you will probably act upon that way of thinking, but still respect the persons own space when he/she openly says that they need some space. that's a fine compromise if both are willing.

    Hahah, hvala :P
    Little Mouse thanked this post.

  10. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Pepeljara View Post
    Not necessarily, you can accept it and still act in your own way :) For instance if you make it clear that that's the way you work and you will probably act upon that way of thinking, but still respect the persons own space when he/she openly says that they need some space. that's a fine compromise if both are willing.

    Hahah, hvala :P
    My friend and I have this kind of relationship.
    It is not perfect nor easy, but I am happy to be part of his life.

    Hvala na savjetu! :-)
    Pepeljara thanked this post.


     

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