[ISFJ] ESFP crushing on ISFJ who just broke up...HELP!

ESFP crushing on ISFJ who just broke up...HELP!

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  • 1 Post By WindChime

This is a discussion on ESFP crushing on ISFJ who just broke up...HELP! within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Hi ISFJs (I hope everyone is having a wonderful fall so far) I'm an ESFP who is crushing badly on ...

  1. #1

    ISFJ being honest with me (ESFP)?

    Hi ISFJs (I hope everyone is having a wonderful fall so far)

    I'm an ESFP who is crushing badly on an ISFJ (warm, wonderful, generous, sweet guy).

    How we met: Tinder > hooked up once > kept in touch via text > 2 years later, we began hanging out after he just broke up with his boyfriend.

    How we communicate: Hanging out on a weekly basis (movies, dinner, musicals). He texts me every other day to see how I'm doing. No sexual intimacy or flirting on his side (no rebounding). My side, yes.

    Yesterday, I confessed that I liked him... a lot via texting. His response > he just wants to be friends and is not ready to commit. I explained to him that his lack of intimacy towards me activates my insecurities (physical attractiveness, feeling of inadequacy). He comforts me by saying that he thinks I'm cute, attractive, and funny but isn't ready to be in anything serious because it would hurt too much. He also emphasizes that he wants to continue hanging out!!!???

    Problem: he is on Tinder (we swiped right on each other), OKcupid - I found him randomly. He doesn't no that I found him on OKcupid. This is affecting my confidence to be honest. Why would he be on dating apps if he is not trying to get intimate? OKcupid is new cuz I've never seen him on it before (i'm a long time subscriber lol).

    I guess I just wanna know if he truly meant what he said about how he feels about me or if he was just being nice (acting as the protector to keep me from pain). Some things just don't add up.

    Why hang out with me, text me every other day? If you guys have any ideas, I would really appreciate it. I just need help understanding him.
    Last edited by theolibear; 10-06-2016 at 12:56 AM.



  2. #2

    Quote Originally Posted by theolibear View Post
    Hi ISFJs (I hope everyone is having a wonderful fall so far)

    I'm an ESFP who is crushing badly on an ISFJ (warm, wonderful, generous, sweet guy).

    How we met: Tinder > hooked up once > kept in touch via text > 2 years later, we began hanging out after he just broke up with his boyfriend.

    How we communicate: Hanging out on a weekly basis (movies, dinner, musicals). He texts me every other day to see how I'm doing. No sexual intimacy or flirting on his side (no rebounding). My side, yes.

    Yesterday, I confessed that I liked him... a lot via texting. His response > he just wants to be friends and is not ready to commit. I explained to him that his lack of intimacy towards me activates my insecurities (physical attractiveness, feeling of inadequacy). He comforts me by saying that he thinks I'm cute, attractive, and funny but isn't ready to be in anything serious because it would hurt too much. He also emphasizes that he wants to continue hanging out!!!???

    Problem: he is on Tinder (we swiped right on each other), OKcupid - I found him randomly. He doesn't no that I found him on OKcupid. This is affecting my confidence to be honest. Why would he be on dating apps if he is not trying to get intimate? OKcupid is new cuz I've never seen him on it before (i'm a long time subscriber lol).

    I guess I just wanna know if he truly meant what he said about how he feels about me or if he was just being nice (acting as the protector to keep me from pain). Some things just don't add up.

    Why hang out with me, text me every other day? If you guys have any ideas, I would really appreciate it. I just need help understanding him.
    Why does he want to hang out with you/text you? Because he sees you as a friend.

    To be on Tinder or OKC doesn't mean he wants a long-term relationship. Perhaps he just wants to see what is out there and do ONS or NSA. Since you mentioned that you like him a lot, he is under the impression that you are looking for something serious, which he doesn't want. Which is why he rejected your advances. As you are considered his friend, he would consider it wildly inappropriate to proposition you for rebound whatever, if he was indeed an ISFJ.

    I would take it as face value and believe him when he just wants to be friends. It's not you. It's him.

  3. #3

    Thank you! Then, I will have to see him as a friend as well. I really appreciate this! :)


 

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