[ISFJ] ISFJ/ENFP Relationship (Romantic or Non-Romantic)

ISFJ/ENFP Relationship (Romantic or Non-Romantic)

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  • 1 Post By Detective Grapehair
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This is a discussion on ISFJ/ENFP Relationship (Romantic or Non-Romantic) within the ISFJ Forum - The Nurturers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; An ENFP here, I have an ISFJ mom and I'm curious- what do other ISFJs act like in a relationship ...

  1. #1

    ISFJ/ENFP Relationship (Romantic or Non-Romantic)

    An ENFP here, I have an ISFJ mom and I'm curious- what do other ISFJs act like in a relationship with an ENFP? By relationship I mean romantic, queerplatonic, familial, or just a friendship. I find that we can get along over some things and I love her quite a bit (I mean, she's my mom), but she's less interested in keeping up with things that are always changing, like technology or pop culture (that may just be a mom thing, though). My dad is also an ENFP and while the two of us are super interested in technology and programming and computers, my mom is always the one asking for help sending an emoji or changing her ringtone and my ISTJ brother was just never as interested in learning about programming. Is this an Si thing? An ISxJ thing?

    Also, what do y'all think of ENFPs? And what do my fellow ENFPs think of ISFJs, if any of them are reading?

    I personally think that ISFJs are very caring and aware of how to navigate social situations with ease (I find they tend to be on the extroverted end of introversion, much like ENFPs are on the introverted end of extroversion), but not as strong when it comes to practical matters or needing to logically reason something out. They share with ENFPs having an auxiliary Thinking function, but theirs is Ti rather than Te which I think may result in even mature ISFJs with a developed tert not being nearly as productive as mature ENFPs. In careers, I find that their Si-Fe means they often pick a career that involves helping people (though not necessarily in the most stereotypical way- my mom's a lawyer, but she works in VA helping veterans) and one they've desired since childhood. While ENFPs will dance around career paths with their Ne-Fi drive to find something new and pursue their own values, ISFJs will pick a career where they feel like they're helping and stick to it, come thick or thin.

    Thoughts?
    TheDarknessInTheSnow thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    An ENFP here, I have an ISFJ mom and I'm curious- what do other ISFJs act like in a relationship with an ENFP? By relationship I mean romantic, queerplatonic, familial, or just a friendship. I find that we can get along over some things and I love her quite a bit (I mean, she's my mom), but she's less interested in keeping up with things that are always changing, like technology or pop culture (that may just be a mom thing, though). My dad is also an ENFP and while the two of us are super interested in technology and programming and computers, my mom is always the one asking for help sending an emoji or changing her ringtone and my ISTJ brother was just never as interested in learning about programming. Is this an Si thing? An ISxJ thing?

    Also, what do y'all think of ENFPs? And what do my fellow ENFPs think of ISFJs, if any of them are reading?

    I personally think that ISFJs are very caring and aware of how to navigate social situations with ease (I find they tend to be on the extroverted end of introversion, much like ENFPs are on the introverted end of extroversion), but not as strong when it comes to practical matters or needing to logically reason something out. They share with ENFPs having an auxiliary Thinking function, but theirs is Ti rather than Te which I think may result in even mature ISFJs with a developed tert not being nearly as productive as mature ENFPs. In careers, I find that their Si-Fe means they often pick a career that involves helping people (though not necessarily in the most stereotypical way- my mom's a lawyer, but she works in VA helping veterans) and one they've desired since childhood. While ENFPs will dance around career paths with their Ne-Fi drive to find something new and pursue their own values, ISFJs will pick a career where they feel like they're helping and stick to it, come thick or thin.

    Thoughts?
    I agree with Ti making ISFJs less practical (though more willing to be objective), but also surprisingly more creative, even dreamy. We share the same functions as an INTP/ENTP, while ENFPs share the same functions as the true practical ISTJ/ESTJ. ENFPs have a harder time looking at things from both sides and being philosophically sound cause of the lack of Ti, while ISFJs have a harder time being efficient cause of the lack of Te. Our Ti also makes us hungry to understand ourselves, others, and life, while Te drives ENFPs love for knowledge and learning facts about others and things.

    That being said, we admire Ne a lot, and even if we aren't great at it, we ISFJs are excited by change and progress... so I don't think it's any easier for us to find a career that matches our inner world, let alone sticking with it. The ENFPs I know have actually been much more practical than me in their career choices, so I think it depends more on the person.

    I either LOVE ENFPs, especially their HILARIOUS Ne-Si humor, or think they're okay. I don't like when their Te comes out or if they let themselves get too consumed to anxiety (which is not an ENFP thing, I just generally don't like anxious ENFPs). I also surprisingly feel overpowered with Te / Si sometimes, and the former gets annoying while the latter gets boring. But I love when they embrace their Ne-Fi nature in a caring, light and fun way, instead of the more inner-focused and serious Te-Si.
    Last edited by TheDarknessInTheSnow; 12-18-2016 at 01:15 PM.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    I find that we can get along over some things and I love her quite a bit (I mean, she's my mom), but she's less interested in keeping up with things that are always changing, like technology or pop culture (that may just be a mom thing, though). My dad is also an ENFP and while the two of us are super interested in technology and programming and computers, my mom is always the one asking for help sending an emoji or changing her ringtone and my ISTJ brother was just never as interested in learning about programming. Is this an Si thing? An ISxJ thing?
    Meh, my mom is an INFJ and is the same. I have an ENFP friend who couldn't care any less for many of these things either. If it interests you, it interests you. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

    On the flip-side, many ISFJs with well developed Ti (usually more common in male ISFJs) are very interested in tech/comp-sci things. Si+Ti loves learning how things work - deconstructing it and putting it back together.

    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    I personally think that ISFJs are very caring and aware of how to navigate social situations with ease (I find they tend to be on the extroverted end of introversion, much like ENFPs are on the introverted end of extroversion),
    Oh shucks, thanks. But idk man, not sure I buy the whole *most introverted extrovert* thing; I know one too many party animal ENFPs


    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    but not as strong when it comes to practical matters
    Lol, I see people flipping back and forth on this. Half of you say ISFJs are the kings and queens of practicality and that's all we have to offer in life, and others say we are supposedly useless.
    I like to believe that rather than adhering to a one-size-fits all, that instead there are different "archetypes". There are definitely ISFJs who LIVE for practicality, and then there are people like me who prefer to bury their heads in books and wouldn't know what to do if you took us out of the classroom.

    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    or needing to logically reason something out.
    Ehhh, depends on how much they value their Ti. You'll find a lot of ISFJs naturally functioning in an Si-Ti loop, because our introverted functions are the most comfortable/enjoyable for us, in which case many ISFJs can resemble INTPs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    They share with ENFPs having an auxiliary Thinking function, but theirs is Ti rather than Te which I think may result in even mature ISFJs with a developed tert not being nearly as productive as mature ENFPs.
    Lol I guess in theory (at least that's what socionics tells me). Never been able to test this, but I do know I personally don't care much for productivity and efficiency and get things done whenever and however I choose. Planning and strategizing aren't my strong suits, I'll admit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    In careers, I find that their Si-Fe means they often pick a career that involves helping people (though not necessarily in the most stereotypical way- my mom's a lawyer, but she works in VA helping veterans) and one they've desired since childhood. While ENFPs will dance around career paths with their Ne-Fi drive to find something new and pursue their own values, ISFJs will pick a career where they feel like they're helping and stick to it, come thick or thin.
    I try to shy away from making blanket statements, but I do know a few ENFPs who've had difficulty picking a career. I believe they are looking for THE job that best fulfills all their Fi ideals. In my opinion, that job doesn't exist. You have to MAKE that job. Meaning, there won't be a job that fits all your values, but the onus is on you to portray your values through your job. I admit I am decisive in this manner. I like to pick something and stick with it. I don't like to dilly dally and falter - I'm a bit impatient in that manner.

    Quote Originally Posted by Detective Grapehair View Post
    Thoughts?
    I admire ENFPs a lot. The best way I can describe them is that they are like watching poetry in motion.
    I would use that description for all the xxFPs, but mostly ENFPs, possibly followed by ISFP.

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  5. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDarknessInTheSnow View Post
    I agree with Ti making ISFJs less practical (though more willing to be objective), but also surprisingly more creative, even dreamy. We share the same functions as an INTP/ENTP, while ENFPs share the same functions as the true practical ISTJ/ESTJ. ENFPs have a harder time looking at things from both sides and being philosophically sound cause of the lack of Ti, while ISFJs have a harder time being efficient cause of the lack of Te. Our Ti also makes us hungry to understand ourselves, others, and life, while Te drives ENFPs love for knowledge and learning facts about others and things.
    I do agree with this.
    There was one ENFP I worked closely with, and while his Ne made his work methods very unorthodox (he wrote a list of items on a whiteboard once and then outlined the items in a box using blue tape. It made all of us side eye him for the next week), they do work. There is a method to his madness, but the method is only immediately apparent to him. He was much better than I at figuring out ways to get things done, while I was better at sitting down and analyzing things.

    One thing I find so interesting about Ne/Fi is that it does get one-sided at times. I'm not sure if it's that they are incapable of looking at things from another's perspectives, but that they are not willing to excuse the existence of different perspectives. From my experience, it seems as though they have very clear Fi values of right and wrong. They can definitely acknowledge that not everyone shares the same values or will view things the same way. But it's like regardless of why you violated a value, the fact that you did so anyway is still inexcusable in their eyes. I actually had this exact conversation with a dear ENFP friend of mine, and she commented how she appreciated that I was willing to tolerate others' perspectives in a way she could not.

    I think Fe is a little less detached to its personal value systems. It's more willing to put aside it's own value system if it recognizes it draws conflict with another's internal value system, because ultimately we want to preserve harmony. I think mature Fe users work really hard to draw a right balance. Immature Fe users who have not properly developed Fe will either believe their values are universal and objective (arising from beyond the individual person, whereas Fi recognizes its values originating from within) and will bulldoze its way through conflicting values, trying to force everyone to adhere to the same structure. OR, in a flawed attempt to preserve harmony, the immature Fe user will downright ignore his/her own values to avoid conflict. I think with maturity, we start learning the importance of timing and discretion. There is a time to speak up and defend our values, but there are also times when it is important to be objective and understanding of differing, and sometimes conflicting value systems. And a GOOD Fe user learns how to find compromise in the conflict (*aspirational*).

  6. #5

    I'm an ISFJ seeing an ENFP. While I can relate to your mum on being slow with technology etc, I would say it's more just a lack of interest and not prioritising it as something that should be learnt.
    Personally I find that I'm not very passionate about anything and I don't have many hobbies (I do enjoy family time, cooking, gardening, but mostly indoor hobbies that other people wouldn't find very interesting). My ENFP is the complete opposite, he's passionate about a lot of different things and always has something interesting to say, and it makes me feel really useful just being able to give him the praise and appreciation that he seeks.

    We're very different people and supposedly ISFJs and ENFPs aren't very compatible, but I like that we're complete opposites in 3 of our functions because it makes us pretty complementary. His extroversion is good for me because, even though ISFJs know how to be social when necessary, I kind of prefer if someone else takes the lead for me. I also like that he has a lot more energy than me and is more of a people person... like for me being social is something I would do out of necessity, whereas for him he enjoys speaking to new people and isn't as reserved.
    He did say he never saw himself with an SJ but I think it's a good contrast because I'm much more traditional and like to plan things in advance and know where things are going, and he's more laid back about the future and just wants to explore different things and see where it takes him. I'm younger than him (still in university) but I'm certain that I'd like to go into teaching, whereas he is already working but I don't see him deciding on one particular career yet until he's explored a few areas first.
    I think he helps me to see things from a much more relaxed perspective, and I help him to kind of stay on the right track and to think more seriously about his future. That's where we clash sometimes but it can work out really well if you realise that you can both take things from each other and complement each other quite nicely, instead of having to fight over your differences.

    As for logical reasoning and practical matters, I agree I'm not as quick at picking things up or at understanding things unless they're spelt out very clearly for me, which again is something that can be annoying for an ENFP because they're much more daydreamy and want someone who can understand deeper or more abstract things without having to explain every little thing. I'm happy to listen and not ask questions, but that is something he can probably talk to friends about anyway if it's difficult for me to understand him, and I don't think that affects our relationship.

    Sorry if this was a bit of a basic description, I am still new to this forum, but hope I helped :)
    Akbar2k7 thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Unknown

    I am Entp/Enfp.....E8 both wings......my 9 wing is Isfj.....and my mom and aunt and a sibling were Isfj.....

    Enfp/Isfj can work romantically. There are some challenges too. By far the biggest challenge is N vs S. I see things in patterns quickly like solving a puzzle after seeing the first few pieces. I have overly developed extroverted intuition and it is about scanning my environment constantly exploring as a default. Ideas, places, things etc...The introverted/extroverted part is not as big of an issue as it can be complimentary or even similar in this pairing. What you need in this pairing is an Enfp with well developed introverted feeling and thinking as a second function.

    Isfj's are slow to change.....however, they also want to keep up with others too.....for example, technology, they will not get the latest thing, however, as soon as that latest thing bcomes mainstream popular, they will get it right away at that point. I will give you an example, let's say someone want to remodel their kitchen, an Isfj might say they want granite countertops because it has been lomg term mainstream accepted and liked whereas someone lse may say let's try a different material. Granite is still considered fine, acceptable, but not cutting edge different or new. In my experience Isfj's like nice things, but those are mainstream nice things. They would never be caught outdated, and would never be the ones leading the new trend.

    Enfp's are all about the future. Isfj's are all about the past. This combo needs to share and meet in the middle a little bit on this and other things and compromise a bit.

    Isfj's are considered conventional, traditional, etc...not n cessarioy politically. Lots of liberal or moderate Isfj's out there but they are slow to change or progress their views. So for example, in my opinion these two types need to share some things in common, such as views on politics as mentioned or hobbies like art or sports etc...a little bit to counteract so,e of those differences. I like the down to earth nature of Isfj, easy to talk with....and if one can be a little spontaneous here and there not a lot but be flexible.....and if the Enfp can be ok with some routine etc...it can work out well.


     

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