[ISFP] ISFP + INFP Lovin'?

ISFP + INFP Lovin'?

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This is a discussion on ISFP + INFP Lovin'? within the ISFP Forum - The Artists forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; I've been thinking about making this thread for a bit... and now I've gone ahead and done it! I've met ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists


    ISFP + INFP Lovin'?

    I've been thinking about making this thread for a bit... and now I've gone ahead and done it!

    I've met some amazingly attractive ISFPs recently and I've found myself constantly wondering what it might be like to date one of them. But, I haven't had the pleasure... at least not yet... *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

    Anyways, have any of you had any experiences dating an INFP? In general, have you found that you have decent chemistry with the INFPs you've met? Or is, the N - S difference perhaps a bit of a deal-breaker...?



  2. #2

    I never dated an ISFP, but an ISFP female I know from college has very good chemistry with me. Her S side sorta balanced my N side. The other ISFP who I know from college as well has decent chemistry, but not as good as the first mentioned. Both are very attractive looking.
    Last edited by Noctis; 10-03-2013 at 11:14 PM.

  3. #3
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    Or is, the N - S difference perhaps a bit of a deal-breaker...?
    Y'all need to stop this and enjoy the other person's qualities. Imagine how dreadful it would be if the world was populated solely by your clones.

    That being said, long term couples mesh their personalities into one another. So why not have more advantages?
    justjay thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by Poppinfloss View Post
    Y'all need to stop this and enjoy the other person's qualities. Imagine how dreadful it would be if the world was populated solely by your clones.

    That being said, long term couples mesh their personalities into one another. So why not have more advantages?
    Part of my thinking is that... most mbti and 16-type authors tend to recommend intuitives with intuitives, sensors with sensors. They seem to suggest that it is the most important factor out of the 4 letters, romantically.

    Personally I definitely don't see anything wrong with dating a sensor, it's just I was wondering if any of you found there was any truth to the idea that it can be a challenge.

  5. #5
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    Part of my thinking is that... most mbti and 16-type authors tend to recommend intuitives with intuitives, sensors with sensors. They seem to suggest that it is the most important factor out of the 4 letters, romantically.
    So you're going to let other people decide your romantic partner? Well, if that's your thing, whatever floats your boat then.
    Truth is, romantically, you choose your partner based on your own personal preference. Your own personal preference. Nothing to do with type, but to what type of people you like. You can be inherently attracted to a certain type, but they might not be the best option for your needs.
    They pair them so because apparently they "speak the same language". More below.

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    Personally I definitely don't see anything wrong with dating a sensor, it's just I was wondering if any of you found there was any truth to the idea that it can be a challenge.
    The only challenge is you being open and accepting of others. Instead of thinking "I don't get along with this person, therefore they are stupid", it should be more like "I don't get along with this person, I should get to know them more."

    My two cents.
    Moehgan thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists


    Hmm... I think you are really misunderstanding my intentions. I don't decide who I hang out with, who I date based on type. That's not why I started this thread. I merely meant it as a talking point, and to hear if any ISFPs have had any experience dating INFPs.

    I understand the types of perspectives you are attacking, but you are mistakenly projecting them onto me. I don't hold the kinds of opinions you are critiquing.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    I personally love INFPs! They're so chill. That's what I love the most about them. Absolutely no drama! The great thing about sharing the Fi-dom is that we both try to make the relationship as peaceful as possible, which is something I've always wanted. When I'm in relationships, I don't necessarily want someone to fix all of my problems, but someone who provides kind of a safe haven where I can escape them. And in my experience, that's exactly what an INFP does! The N and S difference doesn't really bother me all that much. It causes some communication problems, but no relationship is perfect. They also have great senses of humor! The ones I've met are typically really snarky and sarcastic, and I love people with that kind of sense of humor!

    However, when they are unhealthy, they can be manic-depressive and exhausting to be around. That's kinda the bad thing about Fi...When it's healthy, it's awesome. When it's not...It's friggin scary.
    Noctis, Father of Dragons, Khalaris and 18 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    Personally I definitely don't see anything wrong with dating a sensor, it's just I was wondering if any of you found there was any truth to the idea that it can be a challenge.
    Yup. It is a challenge. I've been married to an INTP now for 25 years plus. Granted, as some in the MBTI community call our types enigma types, there are multiple areas of challenge. We only discovered MBTI last summer, and it has been an eye-opener to us. We can now see how lots of our misunderstandings and confusion and points of contention came, not from any merits of any situation, but from our topsy-turvy approach to the situation. While her Ti vs my Fi can cause some misunderstandings, the real issues are a bit more encompassing than that. Here's how I have come to view them. First off is the Fi-Te combo vs her Ti-Fe combo. Believe it or not, while this combo tends to be the source of our deepest contentions, they are infrequent enough, and we have developed over the years, ways of coping with this divide. On the other hand, my Se-Ni vs her Ne-Si is an area that we just haven't cracked. Over the past few months, I've come to realize that this gap is much harder to cross or reconcile than the other. In fact, this gap has frequently been the unseen cause of the bigger gaps.

    To put it in the simple terms that somebody is looking for. Yes, the intuition/sensor divide does cause problems. But it's not so simple as just "sensor vs intuit". Since we are introverts, our perceiving functions are in the middle--second and third. This means that they work together much more harmoniously than if we were perceiving extroverts (ENFP, for instance, vs ESFP). In such a case, we have her extroverted intuition, working with her introverted sensing, against my extroverted sensing, working with my introverted intuition. She tends to not notice things around her, while I frequently can't ignore them. She tends to notice or perceive trends, but also tends to view these in a negative light, and then, using her intuition, expands on them, sometimes, IMO, in ridiculous directions and proportions. On my part, I don't see trends until they hit me in the face, so to speak. And then, I work like crazy to resolve them, bring closure to a problem, which fights against closure. It is in these situations that we are truly working at cross purposes, and don't realize it. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, etc. are the easy things to see, but more importantly, is the subtle feeling that you aren't being understood, that the other doesn't really care what you think, or just isn't trying to understand you. But the real problem is a fundamental one of how we perceive what is happening, which impacts how we respond. It takes a lot of head-butting to get through it.

    Put simply, it is easy to have miscommunication and miscommunication that needs extra effort to overcome. Sometimes there are hurt feelings, especially if there is lots of stress. Since we've been married 25 years, you can guess that these have not been deal stoppers for us, but it hasn't always been easy either. I also, far too often, have the impression that I'm not quite what my wife really needs as far as being a "soul mate". I can't really relate to her at a certain level. I don't know, but I also sometimes get the impression that she has the same feelings about me--judging from things she's said, or expressions, etc. Honestly, this is an area where there is some reluctance to discuss. So, I think it's fair to say that yes, the perceiving side of things can be an area which makes it difficult to really come together. This doesn't mean that you can't be happy together, but it does mean that there will be areas in your life that others will have to fill in the gaps. For my wife, she has some NT lady friends with whom she socializes, and her online Scrabble club, etc. The thing is, you have to realize that even if you do love each other, and even if you do commit to life together, you can't expect the other person to be your all-in-all. That's just an unreasonable expectation. I think we both had this when we were young, but we learned that life isn't like that.

    I think too, that with us both being introverts, that means that we can both just withdraw into ourselves, and be happy. If the two of us were extroverts, I think the problems would have become much more pronounced over time.

    All that said, I wonder how an INFP and ISFP would get along, since both are Fi dominant types. It's possible that that common "language" would hold them together. I can't say.
    Father of Dragons and justjay thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by ferroequinologist View Post
    All that said, I wonder how an INFP and ISFP would get along, since both are Fi dominant types. It's possible that that common "language" would hold them together. I can't say.
    One of my best friends is INFP and he says that's the thing he loves the most about our friendship. Figures, as Fi gets easily beaten, so when you find someone similar it's like quitting your day job and taking a vacation. INFPs are adorable. No drama, no pressure, all lovin' and fun. Just three things irk me about them, and none pertain to communication style. One is related to their area of interest in the fine arts (NFs in general), the second is how they just take anything and not say a word of protest. If you don't like to be in a certain situation, say so. Thirdly, they should practice more of what they say.
    Hardest type to read for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Father of Dragons View Post
    Hmm... I think you are really misunderstanding my intentions. I don't decide who I hang out with, who I date based on type. That's not why I started this thread. I merely meant it as a talking point, and to hear if any ISFPs have had any experience dating INFPs.

    I understand the types of perspectives you are attacking, but you are mistakenly projecting them onto me. I don't hold the kinds of opinions you are critiquing.
    Then that's great! I can only hope you're true to your word.
    Didn't assume you did, just said it's not the best and most efficient way of doing things.
    Also, projecting is when the person himself does the things he's accusing others of doing, which here isn't the case.
    Father of Dragons and justjay thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists


    @ferroequinologist

    Thanks for the awesome post. That is very interesting; it does sound like you guys are almost opposites in so many ways. But, if you have been together so long, there really must be something very meaningful there.

    I can definitely relate to the Ne+Fi vs Ni+Fe difference being a very large one. My sister is an ENFJ, and I've noticed that we are really quite bad at empathizing with each other in challenging situations. There really is a disconnect there because our focuses are so different; I'm not sure it is reconcilable in the sense of us ever truly being on the "same page". However, there is definitely a sort of mutual understanding that we are not the same, and that it's really, truly, alright.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poppinfloss View Post
    One of my best friends is INFP and he says that's the thing he loves the most about our friendship. Figures, as Fi gets easily beaten, so when you find someone similar it's like quitting your day job and taking a vacation. INFPs are adorable. No drama, no pressure, all lovin' and fun. Just three things irk me about them, and none pertain to communication style. One is related to their area of interest in the fine arts (NFs in general), the second is how they just take anything and not say a word of protest. If you don't like to be in a certain situation, say so. Thirdly, they should practice more of what they say.
    Hardest type to read for me.


    Then that's great! I can only hope you're true to your word.
    Didn't assume you did, just said it's not the best and most efficient way of doing things.
    Also, projecting is when the person himself does the things he's accusing others of doing, which here isn't the case.
    No worries, and yeah, I was sort of taking liberties with that word.

    That is awesome to hear that you get along very well with INFPs. It has been my experience that there is really the potential for a very natural, easy connection between the types. There isn't really another type that I feel so familiar with, except perhaps ENFPs.

    For instance, I am a quiet person, and am quite used to being overlooked by most people... But, I found my ISFP co-worker was surprisingly interested in and affectionate towards me after I started to get to know her. It isn't so often that people put such an effort into getting to know specifically me, so it was really a refreshing surprise.

    In all honesty, she was part of the reason I made this thread. She is in a relationship, so we are just friends... but, it really got me wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone like her. She is so much like myself, but then again just different enough that I don't ever really know how she will react to a situation. I find that her kind of unpredictability (in my eyes) to be somehow really attractive in a person.


     
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