[ISFP] Introversion; Shell-retreating, needing time alone. (x-posted)

Introversion; Shell-retreating, needing time alone. (x-posted)

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This is a discussion on Introversion; Shell-retreating, needing time alone. (x-posted) within the ISFP Forum - The Artists forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Fi-dom sensors. As introverts, you often require time alone to process and sort through your emotions as well as enjoy ...

  1. #1
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Introversion; Shell-retreating, needing time alone. (x-posted)

    Fi-dom sensors. As introverts, you often require time alone to process and sort through your emotions as well as enjoy yourself in your own little worlds. I'd like to understand this concept as best I can. What is the thought process and motivation behind it? How does it "work"?

    Is there a set amount of time that you tend to require, or is it completely unpredictable?

    Can external factors OTHER than socializing, trigger the need to retreat?

    What goes on in your head when you're all spaced out? :)
    e.g: is it totally random, or do you actually sort through the problems of the day/week/a lifetime?

    Any spare coins of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. :)



  2. #2
    ISFP - The Artists

    My question for you is why do you care? Do you have a specific problem in mind? or are you just trying to invade our inner world for your own pleasure/curiosity?

  3. #3
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by ferroequinologist View Post
    My question for you is why do you care? Do you have a specific problem in mind? or are you just trying to invade our inner world for your own pleasure/curiosity?

    I've been on and off with an ISFP for two years, and I find that I have a very hard time understanding his need to retreat. This inability to understand sometimes leave me feeling worried. I feel that if I could grasp the concept and understand the process behind it, it would be easier for me to accept and accommodate without fuss.

  4. #4
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by AnesthesiA View Post
    I've been on and off with an ISFP for two years, and I find that I have a very hard time understanding his need to retreat. This inability to understand sometimes leave me feeling worried. I feel that if I could grasp the concept and understand the process behind it, it would be easier for me to accept and accommodate without fuss.
    Ok. Here's a question. Does he always come back from these times feeling/acting/seeming OK, and go forward from there, or does he, after every time, seem a bit more distant or less willing to move forward? If the former, then there's nothing to worry about. We need time to process what we experience--always, regardless of whether good or bad. In fact, sometimes, I have a harder time with positive experiences than negative, simply because it may be difficult to accept that something that is simply positive happened, and happened without negative ramifications. Now, granted, that's just me, but it does seem to be at least somewhat common for Fi-doms. But in any case, we don't and can't talk out our feelings. I would think that an XNTJ, which you seem to be, would be sort of understanding of this. If you are an ENTJ, think of how you are when you go into a funk. You tend to question everything, and don't want to talk about things, and you get self-defensive. The thing is, you do this when massively stressed, and it tends to take on a negative form, while for the ISFP, this tends to happen simply in response to life. We are far less verbal than other people, and the only way we can react/respond within our own means is to withdraw and ponder things through. I guess I'm so used to it, that I don't understand why others struggle with this. If anybody else wanted to isolate themselves for a while, I could understand that. Why is does it seem so weird, abnormal or wrong to others?

    Or are you feeling guilty because he tends to do this after you have said or done something that you think hurt him? If so, then to return to my first question. If he comes back afterwards, seemingly fine, and moving forward, then you really have nothing to worry about...
    Sultanim, vitruvia and Anonrumi thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Thank you @ferroequinologist for that explanation!


    One of my ISFP friends pretty much fell off the face of the earth a week ago. We knew she was under a lot of stress and there were a lot of things going on in her head. But Tuesday last week she stopped responding to pretty much everyone's texts, didn't come hang out with us this weekend like she always does, and when we saw her, she was really really distant and non-conversational.

    Hope it doesn't last too long. Hell, as an INTJ, I have my funks and need to get away. But usually I bounce back in a day or two.

    Any advice on what to do in the mean time? Should I continue to try to reach out and be friendly? Or just sort of ignore her until she figures things out and comes back out of her shell?
    Last edited by caverunner17; 04-01-2014 at 03:17 PM.
    ferroequinologist thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by caverunner17 View Post
    Any advice on what to do in the mean time? Should I continue to try to reach out and be friendly? Or just sort of ignore her until she figures things out and comes back out of her shell?
    Best to ignore her till she comes back. And when she does, try to be warm and welcome with open arms instead of questioning why and what happened. Doing the latter would make things worse because she had just internalized her problems, and you're sort of trying to bring it back by making her externalize the past problems.

    Doing the former, combined with ISFP's living in the present, it sends a signal to her that you know that it's all good and ready to move on business as usual. From past experience, 9/10 external intervention while I'm trying to sort problems in my own head just make the recovery road longer and tedious.

  7. #7
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by ferroequinologist View Post
    Ok. Here's a question. Does he always come back from these times feeling/acting/seeming OK, and go forward from there, or does he, after every time, seem a bit more distant or less willing to move forward? If the former, then there's nothing to worry about. We need time to process what we experience--always, regardless of whether good or bad. In fact, sometimes, I have a harder time with positive experiences than negative, simply because it may be difficult to accept that something that is simply positive happened, and happened without negative ramifications. Now, granted, that's just me, but it does seem to be at least somewhat common for Fi-doms. But in any case, we don't and can't talk out our feelings. I would think that an XNTJ, which you seem to be, would be sort of understanding of this. If you are an ENTJ, think of how you are when you go into a funk. You tend to question everything, and don't want to talk about things, and you get self-defensive. The thing is, you do this when massively stressed, and it tends to take on a negative form, while for the ISFP, this tends to happen simply in response to life. We are far less verbal than other people, and the only way we can react/respond within our own means is to withdraw and ponder things through. I guess I'm so used to it, that I don't understand why others struggle with this. If anybody else wanted to isolate themselves for a while, I could understand that. Why is does it seem so weird, abnormal or wrong to others?

    Or are you feeling guilty because he tends to do this after you have said or done something that you think hurt him? If so, then to return to my first question. If he comes back afterwards, seemingly fine, and moving forward, then you really have nothing to worry about...
    First off: I want to say how much I just love getting responses from you on all my tedious questions here at the ISFP sub-forum. They're always content-rich and really insightful!

    Secondly, to answer your question: As long as I don't pester him about the issue or ask too many questions, he always comes back seeming energized and lighthearted.

    What you said about what I'm under stress reminded me of the "Recognizing Inferior Fi" article, so I went ahead and read it for good measure. It's a lot easier to put myself in his shoes now thanks to you!

    Why is does it seem so weird, abnormal or wrong to others? Or are you feeling guilty because he tends to do this after you have said or done something that you think hurt him?

    As an ENTJ, emotions are terribly confusing and even frightening for me. Sometimes when he would withdraw, I couldn't understand why. When I don't understand things, I feel very frustrated and even incompetent. That often leads to me questioning what I've done wrong, or whether or not I'm even likable as a person - since I'm overcome with such strong feelings of defectiveness.

    While introverts and Fi-doms require time to recharge after social activity, I don't.. I'm energized and excited by and when around people/my partner especially. The fact that simply interacting with me can be enough to make him feel tired is bizarre to me since I can't relate to it. However, like I said, since you compared the "grip of Fi" to being an Fi dom, I can definitely understand it better now. It's true that in times like that I usually want to retreat.

    I also feel guilty because, too often, I know I've said or done something that's been hurtful to him. But it's usually too late at that point and I have to let it go/leave him be.

    In some ways it's exasperating when he floats off into another world because I miss him a lot during those hours/days!
    ferroequinologist thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by AnesthesiA View Post

    Why is does it seem so weird, abnormal or wrong to others? Or are you feeling guilty because he tends to do this after you have said or done something that you think hurt him?

    As an ENTJ, emotions are terribly confusing and even frightening for me. Sometimes when he would withdraw, I couldn't understand why. When I don't understand things, I feel very frustrated and even incompetent. That often leads to me questioning what I've done wrong, or whether or not I'm even likable as a person - since I'm overcome with such strong feelings of defectiveness.

    While introverts and Fi-doms require time to recharge after social activity, I don't.. I'm energized and excited by and when around people/my partner especially. The fact that simply interacting with me can be enough to make him feel tired is bizarre to me since I can't relate to it. However, like I said, since you compared the "grip of Fi" to being an Fi dom, I can definitely understand it better now. It's true that in times like that I usually want to retreat.

    I also feel guilty because, too often, I know I've said or done something that's been hurtful to him. But it's usually too late at that point and I have to let it go/leave him be.

    In some ways it's exasperating when he floats off into another world because I miss him a lot during those hours/days!
    I think I can see... I guess the big thing to say is that you just need to trust that he won't hold what you said or did against you, long term at least. In his times of isolation, he's dealing with that himself, and when he comes back, he has worked things out. I think that, if he ever came to a different conclusion, he would talk with you about it. I know I would. If I decided I couldn't talk, I would realize I just need to let it go, and I would. It would take an awful lot for me to build up resentment. I might, however, decide to just let a part of me go for the sake of the relationship--but that would be my decision... He may be the same way--and no, don't expect him to talk about that either. ;-) It's a choice we make--and it doesn't get walked back either... So, even then, on balance, I would say not to worry when he goes into a funk or disappears (emotionally or physically)--or maybe better to say to not worry over much. ;-) He'll be ok...
    vitruvia thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENTJ - The Executives

    Quote Originally Posted by ferroequinologist View Post
    I think I can see... I guess the big thing to say is that you just need to trust that he won't hold what you said or did against you, long term at least. In his times of isolation, he's dealing with that himself, and when he comes back, he has worked things out. I think that, if he ever came to a different conclusion, he would talk with you about it. I know I would. If I decided I couldn't talk, I would realize I just need to let it go, and I would. It would take an awful lot for me to build up resentment. I might, however, decide to just let a part of me go for the sake of the relationship--but that would be my decision... He may be the same way--and no, don't expect him to talk about that either. ;-) It's a choice we make--and it doesn't get walked back either... So, even then, on balance, I would say not to worry when he goes into a funk or disappears (emotionally or physically)--or maybe better to say to not worry over much. ;-) He'll be ok...
    I've learned that I need to be more careful what I say around him because a lot of the times, certain things will be taken literally, and then other times when he's having a more "Ni-heavy" moment, he'll misread something and think that I've insinuated something I haven't. Last week this happened for example, and it caused a "funk" .. one that after the most amazing honey-moon-like week in the world, I couldn't understand. (I'm very consistent)...

    But in retrospect, I think (and please correct me if I'm wrong) but that amazing week left him feeling very safe and close to me, so when I said something he interpreted as hurtful, it hurt twice as much? Then, I wasn't there for him properly because I went turbo trouble-shooter mode, instead of compassionate, warm, giving space, etc.

    I'm happy to commit myself to understanding him in the most complete way possible so that I can trust him though - and myself (to be confident in my knowledge) enough to provide him with what he needs.

    I like that you said "He'll be ok..." ... that made me smile. As an ENTJ and a type 8w9 I sometimes have a tendency to go "parental" .. lol I don't have to worry so much now that I've had such good feedback from other ISFPs, done a proper amount of research and can better understand the need to retreat.

    I used to fear in some ways that it meant he didn't like me, like I said, or that it meant he was changing his mind about us. Now I know it has nothing to do with that, and that his need for space isn't to be taken as a bad thing in any way. Silence, for an introvert, is a good thing, right? It's their natural disposition.

    It just took me a long time to wrap my head around it!

  10. #10
    ISFP - The Artists

    Quote Originally Posted by AnesthesiA View Post
    As an ENTJ, emotions are terribly confusing and even frightening for me. Sometimes when he would withdraw, I couldn't understand why. When I don't understand things, I feel very frustrated and even incompetent. That often leads to me questioning what I've done wrong, or whether or not I'm even likable as a person - since I'm overcome with such strong feelings of defectiveness.

    While introverts and Fi-doms require time to recharge after social activity, I don't.. I'm energized and excited by and when around people/my partner especially. The fact that simply interacting with me can be enough to make him feel tired is bizarre to me since I can't relate to it. However, like I said, since you compared the "grip of Fi" to being an Fi dom, I can definitely understand it better now. It's true that in times like that I usually want to retreat.
    I can relate to this as one of my good friends is an ENTJ. During early days, he was often confused as to my awkward introversion and sudden retreats. I could easily sense that he was constantly questioning my motives and actions, sometimes like poking in a little to find out why. Overtime though, he slowly came to terms with it and somewhat understood my position. Now, he's one of the very few friends I have whom I can not interact with for an extended period, suddenly resume with lots of interaction, retreat/cut-off and resume.

    I can do it with other people, but they mostly resume at a much lower friendship level. Eventually, I'd just (indirectly) cut off the friendship and not bother with them anymore. Hence, my network of friends are all those who can maintain an "on-off" socialising pattern like my ENTJ friend.


     

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