[ISFP] Wanting to change?

Wanting to change?

View Poll Results: Wanting to be someone else?

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  • Yes

    6 40.00%
  • No

    9 60.00%
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This is a discussion on Wanting to change? within the ISFP Forum - The Artists forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Have you ever had the thought of changing into someone else just because you hate yourself? I do this a ...

  1. #1
    ISFP - The Artists

    Wanting to change?

    Have you ever had the thought of changing into someone else just because you hate yourself? I do this a lot, and I actually tried to change, but I just fall back to the same pattern.

    I talked about this with my ISFJ ex, and he said anyone can change if he or she tries hard. While my argument is you can't really change how your brain functions. When I told him I couldn't change, he just says I didn't try hard enough, and he doesn't give a crap about science.

    I just wish I was more outgoing, since it seems to please more people. It seems like everyone around me wish I was someone else, but I just couldn't satisfy them. Seeing them being disappointed doesn't satisfy me either.

    As for jobs, I really wish I was into the Medical field, but all the courses just don't interest me that much. I also hate memorizing stuff because I know I'll forget them eventually.

    Does anyone else think this way?

  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    Oh my, oh my, dear Wendy. <(^ ^)> *hug*

    I agree with you almost entirely, people can not really change. They can behave differently and hope that the pattern catches up, but people always revert to their old, default ways. Forgot what exactly thats called in sociology, heh.

    I hope your ex wasn't implying you should change, because that's just a total douche statement. I highly doubt that these people around you who think you should change have any idea what they're talking about. Don't get me wrong, I don't value myself for anything, but I just accept what I am and understand I can make many people happy, if they are close to me. And I think you understand that too, you have a great personality. But imperceptive and judgmental losers will be imperceptive and judgmental.

    As for jobs, I never listened to what my dad wants me to be. I do economics because I love the philosophical, personal, analytical, and creative aspect of it. Find something you love and go for it, fuck your parents.

    You just need some loving hugs. :D

  3. #3
    ISFP - The Artists

    Thanks for the hug :)

    The whole thing about change is still debatable.

    The most obvious change I can think about is the influence of money/power. That's when people become greedy and abusive for some cases.

    I used to think people can change, but now I think differently. Trying things out myself works better than speculating...

    My ex does want me to change sometimes, but he loves me for who I am for, let's say, 90% of the time.

    I think I said this somewhere, but I'll say it again lol. The economy is in a crap hole right now, so I have to pick a profession that will actually help me earn some money. I can go ahead and major in music or art, but the chance of getting a job with those is really low.

  4. #4
    ISFP - The Artists

    I think people can change certain things about them and work on their character flaws, but their essence will remain the same for their whole life. And when I speak of change I mean actual change, not just façades.

    I don't hate myself at all. I wouldn't say I'm in love with every aspect of myself, but I wouldn't necessarily trade anything (well..at least not much ;D) if I had the chance to. I may hate the circumstances I sometimes end up with, but that's different. I often wonder if I'm making mistakes with my life and second guess myself, but I think it's natural. I'm doing what I want to be doing for the most part and when I start having feelings like you mention, I just have to remind myself of that.
    Mina and uncreative_name thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Trying to change other people is a pointless waste of time. If they don't want to change, it ain't gonna happen. The only person you can change is YOU.

    I like myself just fine actually, though sometimes I wish I had better social skills and a bit more confidence.
    Last edited by Leon_Kennedy88; 03-17-2011 at 07:40 PM.

  6. #6
    ISFP - The Artists

    I totally agree with RyRy's post, and I've never hated myself at all either.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wendy Wang View Post
    Thanks for the hug :)
    I think I said this somewhere, but I'll say it again lol. The economy is in a crap hole right now, so I have to pick a profession that will actually help me earn some money. I can go ahead and major in music or art, but the chance of getting a job with those is really low.
    I struggled with the same thing when I was deciding what to go to college for. I think a lot of FP's struggle with this problem actually. Most of the things we are extremely interested in/passionate about isn't guaranteed to make a decent amount of money. It's going to boil down to a job you probably won't enjoy but will get paid very well, or doing something you really enjoy and making less money (unless you are extremely good at what you do then of course you can make a lot of money). I decided to go with my passion and i'm glad I did, at the end of each day i'm very satisfied and happy, even with the economy being as bad as it is. To me, nothing beats that feeling of being happy. My brother who is an ISTP, decided to go into Pharmacy (wasn't his passion, he was just focused on a big income), and even though he's making a good amount of money, I can tell you he's very miserable and it's only his 2nd year in. He does say he gets very happy on payday, but every day besides payday he calls or texts me 2-3 times a day and tells me how much he hates his job. He hates so many things about it!! Plus it's retail so he has to work crazy hours. The one and only thing he likes about it is the income. He said once he pays off his student loans he might do Pharmacy part-time and something he really enjoys part-time. He said he sees how happy I am doing something I love so he wants to find a better balance for himself so he could be more happy too.

    You just have to make a list of the good and bad of each and decide which is best.
    uncreative_name thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality

    I think what frustrates me the most about this subject is being able to see my own limitations. I think change and growth are natural and healthy (Context is key here though). But, it seems like the harder I try to change and grow the more visible the walls around me become. I realize that even the sentiment of change can be futile sometimes and that maybe just accepting things is all I really need.

    Ive posted this before but the quote "Sometimes the things your ashamed of make you who your supposed to be" is really comforting. It makes me feel okay to be me, flaws and all.

    Feels like I'm forgetting some other things x.x but ill come back and post them when I remember.
    RyRyMini thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ISFP - The Artists

    I think over time you can change, but part of that is also natural. Big changes in personality will not happen over night or short period of time. It's more of a gradual thing. Looking back over my life, I realize how much I have actually changed but it just doesn't always feel like it because it was a gradual change. Make sense?

  9. #9
    ISFP - The Artists

    The change I'm thinking about is emotional stuff. Like, I want to be less sensitive and show less emotions, as well as show less concern for others. I'm not saying I don't want to care about anyone any more. It just seems like I rarely care about myself right now.

  10. #10
    ISFP - The Artists

    Well I can very much relate to this post because I had a heck of a time in my high school years trying desperately to be someone else - see, as a young teen I realized that the boys I liked weren't interested in me - they said I was "too shy, too quiet" and they wanted outgoing, funny, talkative girls. So I made it my mission to abandon my true self, and create who I wanted to be in high school. For awhile, it worked. I had lots of friends, I abandoned some of my old friends to gain popularity with the outgoing girls. Boys were interested in me, in fact I was never single since I was 16. But all this came at a very very big cost, of which i'm still dealing with the psychological repercussions. I went to 4 different high schools, dropped out for a semester, took an extra year to graduate, because of all the changes I didn't cultivate proper friendships and my friend group kept changing like the seasons...I had no idea who I really was anymore, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself...I hated myself. I went through major depression. I kept feeling this pressure to be something I wasn't. Somehow or another, I guess maturity set in and I completely abandoned this facade I had been putting on, and decided to start from scratch. I started being me again. I lost a ton of "friends"...but I started to actually feel comfortable in my own skin, and gain my confidence back. I realized that people actually did like me for me...and those are the people who really matter. But it started from loving myself, flaws and all. Yes, I still to this day struggle with my identity..I still have confidence issues and at times low self-esteem...yes, sometimes I miss the superficial gains that came along with being my 'fake' self - but all in all, i'm happy that i'm actually being myself now, and learning what's amazing about me - the way God made me (as cheesy as that sounds). It's like that Lady Gaga song, haha! You were born this way baby!
    Anyways, i could go on forever on this topic. But the main thing is, whether you like yourself or not, you're stuck with yourself and trying to be someone else will only make things worse, you have to learn to love yourself for who you are and surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you too. It's not easy, that's for sure, but just work it, day by day. Also, you can change certain aspects of yourself, take classes and courses that you're interested in, and it will boost your confidence. Whatever you're into, there are others who share your interests and passions and once you meet people like that, you start to feel a lot better in your own skin. It is human nature to want to want to relate to others. That's why I love this ISFP forum...it's full of people like me! :D

    *big hugs*
    Wendixy, uncreative_name and Winifred thanked this post.

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