[ISTJ] Getting Along With ESFJs

Getting Along With ESFJs

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25
Thank Tree36Thanks

This is a discussion on Getting Along With ESFJs within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; ISTJs, What things bother you about ESFJs? How can they avoid pissing you off lol? How can they really communicate ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Getting Along With ESFJs

    ISTJs,

    What things bother you about ESFJs? How can they avoid pissing you off lol? How can they really communicate and convince you when you're being cold or are in the wrong?

    My ESFJ brother is having ongoing conflicts with his ISTJ roommate. Idk how she sees him but from what I've personally witnessed she doesn't seem interested in knowing him at all or treating him like he's capable of doing anything right. Perhaps she is a cold and unhealthy ISTJ. My brother is a good guy, very prone to insecurity so I'm trying to give him good advice to remedy the situation.
    Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey and 12 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    How did they come to be roommates?

    Perhaps she is interested only in being roommates as far as an economic space-sharing arrangement, and doesn't want to be buddies. Maybe she wants some peace and quiet, and he wants her to share thoughts and feelings with him?

    To an ISTJ, the home is the refuge from the blah-blah-blah of the outside. It's a place of peace and quiet.

    Can you offer more details?

  3. #3
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    Yes as @DaisyChain said more details please, because my first thought goes to the sexual dynamic that would play out between them.
    Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey and 13 others thanked this post.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers

    She is my brother's best friend's girlfriend, so you can imagine they didn't really choose to live with one another. I think you're right about her wanting peace and quiet and him wanting social time.
    Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey and 13 others thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Wow, that must be an awkward living dynamic, both in terms of relationships and in terms of types. I don't live with my ISTJ boyfriend precisely because I've learned he needs his space or else he starts to get cranky. I'll sleep over at his place twice a week at the most because I know how important it is to him. Perhaps your brother is not giving her the space she needs, through no fault of his own. As an ESFJ, I want to befriend and be close to everybody, and I have this compulsive need sometimes to share lots of details of my life with anybody around that I have some degree of trust with. This usually ends up being my roommates (both are ISFJ) who at this point are used to me bursting into their rooms to tell them about my day. The ESFJ guys I know are no exception. But for an ISTJ, that would be like disturbing their den of solitude, so I can see why this would be a problem.

    As for what to do about it, perhaps they can sit down and talk about specifically what annoys them and what not to do in order for them to stop getting on each other's nerves. I bet your ESFJ brother would be more than willing to accomodate once he comes to understand a little more about what makes her tick.
    Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey, Yardiff Bey and 14 others thanked this post.

  7. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    When it comes to roommates, it's all about space. I didn't mind my extroverted roommates in college because they usually knew when to shut up and leave me alone (I don't mean that negatively!). The worst living situation I can imagine is living with someone who constantly wants to talk to me about their interpersonal life all the time. I'm drained just imagining that!

    I don't know the details, but my guess is that he's probably trying way too hard to be friendly with her. You can't force things or try to artificially speed them up with an ISTJ.

    One clear way to an ISTJ's heart is to tell and show that you appreciate them and the things they do. An ISTJ will usually say something like, "Oh it's nothing" or "No problem" but on the inside it's like validation-heaven: "Finally, someone appreciates all the crap I do for them!"

    Say thank you, be genuine about it, and then give the ISTJ space.

    These are really general things, but that's all I've got to go off of. Good luck!
    Adesi, Sela and ThatName thanked this post.

  8. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors


    Quote Originally Posted by DaisyChain View Post
    How did they come to be roommates?

    Perhaps she is interested only in being roommates as far as an economic space-sharing arrangement, and doesn't want to be buddies. Maybe she wants some peace and quiet, and he wants her to share thoughts and feelings with him?

    To an ISTJ, the home is the refuge from the blah-blah-blah of the outside. It's a place of peace and quiet.

    Can you offer more details?
    These are my feelings exactly. Thank God for istj's, or I would feel completely alienated. infj+female+minority= unacceptance (sp?) from majority (my own opinion).
    Sela, Yardiff Bey and DaisyChain thanked this post.

  9. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Teybo View Post
    When it comes to roommates, it's all about space. I didn't mind my extroverted roommates in college because they usually knew when to shut up and leave me alone (I don't mean that negatively!). The worst living situation I can imagine is living with someone who constantly wants to talk to me about their interpersonal life all the time. I'm drained just imagining that!

    I don't know the details, but my guess is that he's probably trying way too hard to be friendly with her. You can't force things or try to artificially speed them up with an ISTJ.

    One clear way to an ISTJ's heart is to tell and show that you appreciate them and the things they do. An ISTJ will usually say something like, "Oh it's nothing" or "No problem" but on the inside it's like validation-heaven: "Finally, someone appreciates all the crap I do for them!"

    Say thank you, be genuine about it, and then give the ISTJ space.

    These are really general things, but that's all I've got to go off of. Good luck!
    I think this is how their relationship was at first. I don't think he tries to be overly friendly anymore but perhaps she already has him set up in her mind as annoying or misunderstanding of her. I will definitely share this info with my brother, so thank you! I hope if he can respect her space and validate her more she can change her attitude toward him.
    Adesi thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ISTJ - The Duty Fulfillers

    My sister and my mom are both ESFJs so I like to think I have a lot of experience with that type. I get along with them pretty well, but one thing that REALLY bugs me about my sister is that she has no respect for personal space. I'm not saying all ESFJs are like this because my mom doesn't do this, but it might be something that your brother is unknowingly doing that's bugging his room mate.
    Adesi and lenabelle thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    Quote Originally Posted by pizzapie View Post
    My sister and my mom are both ESFJs so I like to think I have a lot of experience with that type. I get along with them pretty well, but one thing that REALLY bugs me about my sister is that she has no respect for personal space. I'm not saying all ESFJs are like this because my mom doesn't do this, but it might be something that your brother is unknowingly doing that's bugging his room mate.
    I am confused. What is personal space?
    Adesi thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [ESFJ] What do ESFJs like?
    By pliqht in forum ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 09-30-2019, 05:08 PM
  2. [ESFJ] Why we like ESFJs
    By downsowf in forum ESFJ Forum - The Caregivers
    Replies: 78
    Last Post: 04-07-2016, 03:39 PM
  3. [INFJ] Get along with ESFJs?
    By chickpeaax in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 05-12-2011, 03:57 PM
  4. Do you get on with ESFJs?
    By stevie_marathon in forum NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 04-04-2011, 03:56 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:48 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0