This is a discussion on I am worried that my ISTJ is not loyal anymore. within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by ae1905 omg, did he leave his lights on?! noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! something tells me you're mistyped as an intuitive...it's ...
anyway, my contempt spilleth over
please forget you saw this infommercial and return to your regular programming where you believe you are capable of evaluating facts and discovering truths
@Miss INFJnity -
You both had different expectations for the relationship. He was rebuffed and now you've been rebuffed. I agree with the person who replied that it was naive to think it would end differently.
He's done. Drop it and carry on with your life.
Ok let me break this down.
1. He has stated he found you attractive = he liked you.
2. You have stated it is purely platonic= you don't like him.
3. He then stated he found someone like you = you didn't like him back, so you were replaced with new INFJ.
4. New INFJ girlfriend = probably doesn't like your emotional intimacy with boyfriend because you are chatting too much = you are talking too much. Because of #1, the friendship now needs to be terminated.
(sorry I read and meant to respond weeks ago)
Some people are just selfish and opportunistic. My heart goes out to you that you have bared your soul and are now being Ghosted by your friend. Maybe I can share my experiences being married to an ISTJ for 23 years. ISTJs can be sort of "Just the Facts Ma'am" type of people. They aren't prone to ramble on about a subject seeing numerous possibilities. If they are occupied, communication can be very short and to the point. They like the facts and don't really care for speculation if it's not supported by tangible facts. They doubt anything that is just based upon a gut feeling. If I am talking about something she is not interested in, she can seem a little detached, disinterested and even dismissive. It can be hurtful, but I have come to see it really boils down to a difference in perception due to a different cognitive function stack. She herself can get a little long-winded with details when she is discussing something she wants to talk about. I usually see where the story is going and if I tell her the end of the story before she gets a chance to tell me, she gets upset that I cut off her train of thought. I have to call her out on the fact that she sometimes tells me to hurry up and get to the point. She quickly backs down when I do that. I do usually patiently listen to everything she has to say even when I know the punchline or point of the story.
As intuitive feelers, we don't want the conversation to end when we feel we are connected to someone or engaged in conversation about something we feel passionate about. We don't have a problem talking about deep, emotional, painful things. I've found my wife to be a little guarded about these things. They are uncomfortable with emotions. She needs time to process. Whenever I have done something to hurt her, she will not talk about it. I want to apologize and discuss the matter and have it resolved. She has told me she clams up and shuts me out, because she doesn't want to say something she doesn't really mean while she is feeling hurt. I literally get shut out, such as shut out of the bedroom. I have learned to give her time and space and wait for her to bring the subject up again. If I don't do this and push for conversation, it only gets worse. They need time and space. Once they have processed, they can be very understanding and forgiving.
On the issue of psychology. You need to give them real world examples and real world practical application for them to see it as useful. They are very connected to the real world and getting practical things done in the world. It helps if you know people in common when discussing about behaviors. For instance, we have an INFP son. She doesn't understand why in math class, if he doesn't remember a formula, he doesn't just go up and ask the teacher for help. Instead he comes up with another way to solve the problem, arrives at the correct answer, then checks in with the teacher. The teacher is excited to see what path he is going to take after High School this year. So is my wife for that matter, but I used that as an opportunity to explain Extraverted Intuition to her. Personality types that are accustomed to doing what is tried and true and do things the way they do, because it has always been done that way, need to see practical examples before they will give credence to anything.
In an effort to not give you bad advice, I would say to just give your ISTJ some space and let him contact you when he is ready to talk. If that doesn't happen, chalk it up to just another experience with someone on this Earth.
"Friendship is about giving and taking."
When one is helping another, elevating them, or leading them towards a better path, one should do it for the love of doing it, for the love of sharing that knowledge, without expecting anything in return. If you're content with giving people only if they give back, you will hurt yourself and suffocate others with the expectation of giving you back even when they can. That is law.
So what if he's interested in another woman's character and not yours? These kinds of things cannot be forced. Either you will recognize that and gracefully accept the truth, or wallow in self-pity.
I understand that we human beings cherish the feeling of being understood, but forcing someone else to understand you is a lost battle. You should be fine with accepting who you are without needing someone to understand you. Understand yourself first, look at who you are with all your flaws, and with that understanding you will acquire knowledge and wisdom that will echo the anthem of who you are without you needing to say anything about yourself.
If you care about that friendship wish the man well and leave it there.