(burner account so that this person doesnt recognise me)
I (ESFP female) was in a relationship with an ISTJ male for the last half year. We were instantly very attracted to each other and started seeing each other very often. I didn't understand his personality type at the start, so initially we had a lot of little clashes about him not being affectionate enough because I thought he just didn't like me. Eventually I understood and grew to really like his reserved nature and he became very comfortable with me to the point where hes usually not even quiet around me now. We spent the last few months of the relationship having an on and off argument about him moving in with a female friend who I hadnt met before. He was very awkward about us meeting because he didnt see the problem with it and he didnt understand my anxieties about it so it was all communicated very badly. Eventually we had a big break up where I cried and left because I just felt too uncomfortable with the living situation. However I did want us to resolve it and it was just a lot of emotion hitting me. He got very upset too and said he can't keep arguing and being on and off all the time and said he doesnt want to be together as a couple again. As he's never had a girlfriend before he didnt know how to deal with the break up, and as I wanted him back I spoke to his friend and showed him I can be comfortable with her, and then I spent the last month still seeing him and basically acting like his girlfriend but he kept insisting he didnt want to be in a relationship and was trying to treat it as a casual thing. We were extremely happy all month but he kept insisting that we cant be a couple and it just made me very frustrated after I put in so much effort to make up with his friend. Long story short, I told him he should cut me off properly instead of stringing me along if he doesnt want a relationship anymore, so we completely cut each other off and didnt meet for 2 weeks. We didnt text for a few days and he was very upset and not leaving the house etc. I asked him to meet as friends after 2 weeks because I missed him and he agreed, and it ended up in us having sex. After we did it, he kept saying he didnt want to do that and that it's messing with his head and stopping him from moving on. He was very firm with me and just said outright he doesnt want to see me again and cant keep being nice to me because he just spent the last week grieving the relationship thinking it was the last time. He also said he doesnt agree with casual sex at all and that it feels wrong when it's someone you care about.
I'm not one to cling to relationships at all but this is my first time dating an ISTJ and I just find his response so confusing. I know and can tell he clearly has very strong feelings for me, he told me that he loves me and I've seen how upset he gets whenever we've had a break up, and he even said we cant meet anymore even as friends because hes trying to block me out. I don't understand why he's fighting his emotions so much. He said hes sure we're going to end up arguing over something else again even if we do get back together and that he doesnt want the drama and exhaustion anymore, even though I told him the main issue was the female flat mate but I spoke to her and resolved the tensions that were there. It's really difficult for me to just cut him off or forget him when I know he loves me and has strong feelings for me but he's fighting it for no reason. I know the trust is gone because we did have small break ups and then got back together trying temporary solutions like avoiding her etc before I actually spoke to her and resolved it properly, so he thinks we're just going to break up again if we get back together. That's why he's trying to fight it and he wants to be logical and thinks we arent compatible because of those arguments. I've tried to reiterate to him that all of the arguments were about that one issue and when we're together we are very happy.
What should I do at this point? I want him back but I feel like I've been stressing him out these last few weeks with the casual sex etc because it's giving him conflicting emotions about breaking up with me, but at the same time he's wanted to do it just as much as I have and I don't understand why he's fighting his emotions so much just for the sake of being logical. Just looking for advice and general thoughts on the situation. He doesn't get angry often and I feel he's starting to get very irritable at me about this situation and it makes me feel like he hates me. I know he does love me but he's feeling annoyed and stressed at how we're going about this break up because us meeting up obviously means he has to actively try not to hold my hand or kiss me etc and he said he thinks I'm manipulating him with the sex, but every time we've met as friends it's happened completely naturally and he's wanted it too. It was just this time after we went 2 weeks apart and he had a week or two to grieve on his own, we had sex but he regretted it straight after and said it was wrong. I just need some help understanding what to do from here. I'm worried that if I do just go no contact and give him space he's going to forget about me and get over the grieving period and there wont be any chance to reconcile because his emotions wont be as strong anymore. Thank you in advance for reading