This is a discussion on What is love in the eyes of an ISTJ? within the ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; Originally Posted by Reiyn Isa But what if the woman SEES what you can do and start to use you ...
That's cool.My husband and I have been through many ups and downs, and at the end day to me it's being there for each other that really counts. We've battled through cancer, raising two children, economic struggles, depression, and because we are friends first and foremost, we made it through the tough stretches.I was not talking about "once a year wow moments".We've learned how to communicate love to one another. My husband understands that I am very practical minded. I understand that my husband is a bit more sentimental than I am. We've learned what matters to each other and try to accommodate what makes us feel loved. That's not to say my husband and I never do sweet little things for one another, but we're not looking for each other to continually come up with grand romantic gestures. I would much rather have every day small gestures that say I love you than once a year wow moments.I read it. Nice attentiveness there. I have certainly appreciated such things before when it was given along with expression of affection. Then even if they didn't manage to actually find the food I liked (because the place was out of it, so they brought something else), I felt very good, felt cared for. Without that expression, it might as well be the waiter doing these things, it simply adds to increased comfort, not to feeling loved. Do you understand my standpoint here?My post above that you referenced may have given you the impression that there are never romantic things, so I'll share something my husband did that meant more to me than if he had given me a dozen red roses.
And the required disclaimer... Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone must be like me, just describing my preferences. It's cool to read about how others see it, too.
If there is even the tiniest chance of us being back together, then it's worth the wait. Even if there isn't, it's worth it nonetheless. The biggest problem I have with the "moving on" idea is that I don't want to move on. Even if there is "someone out there" who might represent "the one", I don't want that. If a girl approaches and tells me something like "you are the one I've been waiting for all my life, I love you and I will do anything to be with you", I would simply say "Sorry, my heart is already taken". And that's the truth. I'm not searching, I'm not looking for anyone else, I don't want replacement, because any other girl would be just that, even if this sounds horrible - a replacement. I cannot be with anyone else, because a) I'm in love; b) I'm not looking or responding to any signals (actually I'm not capable of understanding any signals, so that works fine for me); and c) even if a) and b) weren't true, the next girl would simply be analysed and compared constantly to my ex. She really raised the bar, so to speak... And how can I tell someone else "I love you", when I've told that as honest as I could thousand of times to another girl? What was the point of "I love you", if I can say it to another? What was the point of spending all these years and devoting everything I could to a person, just to "move on"? I might have done many stupid things, but I won't allow myself to do that. I really love that girl and my love is exclusively for her, even though she might not care or want it. At this point, I could only hope that she has a change of heart in the future. If she needs someone, if she allows me to be that someone - I will be there for her.
However, I'm quite aware that my behavior is not the proper one - but I don't deserve any "self-love", because of everything that I allowed to happen (even though I didn't meant it to happen) in this relationship and the way it affected her in the long run. And I don't want to keep her caged, nor I want to force her to love me. If this is just an obsession, then so be it. I might be in love with the idea of her, that's true - but I do care about her as a human being, and I do more than I care for anyone else right now. I want her to be happy, to fulfill her dreams, to have the life she wants - and if I could be a part of it, then my life would be complete, and that would be the closest thing to pure happiness I could ever achieve. If she's with another, if they get married - if she's happy, then I'm happy. I will wait for her, and I will stay faithful. This is my choice, and I hope it doesn't get in the way of her happiness.
All of you offered quality advices, and I thank you for that. May all of you experience love as each of your hearts desire.
Last edited by BadassISTJ; 03-09-2016 at 12:28 PM.
It depends on the situation. Common sense is important to solving any problem!