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How Do I Get Close To ISTPs?

21K views 125 replies 36 participants last post by  hugh315 
#1 ·
Dear ISTPs, you are so mysterious, distant, and talented. Also, you somehow manage to be badass with a hint of cute (I see that inferior Fe peeking out).

I want to get to know ISTPs better and I want them to like me. I know that the Fe "Hi, how are you/You're so cool/I love you/Can we be friends?" approach probably isn't the way to win the heart of an ISTP, but what is?

I want so badly to understand you guys better—after all, we share the same Jungian Functions.

Please help me—tell me the secret to getting close to you (I won't bite haha)! I'll love you on your terms, just let me love you!

Sincerely, an ENFJ who thinks you are awesome and doesn't want to scare you off :blushed:
 
#5 ·
ISTPs do not want people to be close to.

From another thread,

As our great leader has spoken, in The Book Of ISTP, Volume 70 of subsection 6c, chapter 73, sentence 20 of cliff note 6e; and then in The Book of Pandism Entirety 6f and 20, Chapters 62, Hymm 61, Verse 6e through 0d, para 0a;

Seriously we are the most self sufficient type. Relationships have nothing to offer me. The istp motto should be I complete myself. I need a relationship like I need bone cancer.

It's like I would have to make myself dumber and weaker just so someone could complete me.

 
#7 ·
ISTPs do not want people to be close to.

From another thread,

As our great leader has spoken, in The Book Of ISTP, Volume 70 of subsection 6c, chapter 73, sentence 20 of cliff note 6e; and then in The Book of Pandism Entirety 6f and 20, Chapters 62, Hymm 61, Verse 6e through 0d, para 0a;



All joking aside, I think some ISTPs do what to get close to other people and want relationships, but if they do, they have to do it on their own terms, in their own way, at their own pace. A healthy ISTP is not hard to get along with in a relationship if you're not a simpering idiot and you have your own independent life and mind.

This whole..."OMGZ HOW DO I GET CLOSER TO YOU???!?!?!?" *SMEARS SELF INTO PERSONAL SPACEEEEEEE*

Just no. If you try that with any introvert - even us more touchy feely sorts - we're going to tell you to fuck off into oblivion. Like get the fuck away from me.

Fucking extroverts.
 
#9 ·
You are also forgetting another key point

As stated in 'Animals of the MBTI': The Quote Chapter. Conversation 6A, Line 6F
Us ISTPs are the honey badgers of the MBTI. Fuck off.
Also, The gem comes from 'Little Miss ENFJ' Page 68, Footnote 6e.
ENFJ's always like to get in our face. They want us to accept them unconditionally. Why Is That? Get out of my fucking personal space! Unless of course you want dick, then come right on in.
-From 'Memoirs: Another Day', Chapter 20, Entries 43 And 65.
I think ENFJ's really do like dick. Just the way they look at me all slack-jawed is more than enough for me to realize that.

Yup, liking dick has been confirmed.
Inconsequentia ISTP: Appendices - Appendix 6e, article 61
ENFJs have so much trouble understanding that ISTPs have layers, many layers. They also have trouble understanding that each layer is made up of razor blades, rusted nails and the like. If they do manage to get through though, they will realize many ISTPs are simply emo's in denial and despite that fragile state of ego, try to get even closer. Yes, they may temporarily cure the inner emo, but they themselves will become corrupted by it. Based ISTPs on the other hand, will just observe this, say poor ENFJ, laugh at what has transpired and maybe turn it into a drinking game. We are always good at coming up with drinking games thankfully, it is our best way of coping with everyone elses bullshit... that and sex.
 
#11 ·
You are also forgetting another key point

As stated in 'Animals of the MBTI': The Quote Chapter. Conversation 6A, Line 6F


Also, The gem comes from 'Little Miss ENFJ' Page 68, Footnote 6e.


-From 'Memoirs: Another Day', Chapter 20, Entries 43 And 65.


Inconsequentia ISTP: Appendices - Appendix 6e, article 61
I can't say the dude I am dating is quite like this - this abrasive. I'm assuming this is mostly tongue in cheek sarcasm, though. But he's blunt and yes there are lots of layers. I have no interest in rushing to peel through every layer or even getting to every layer.

If I did that with every layer of a person I'd make myself sick. I don't want to be that close to someone. For me personally as an INFJ, that's too much. I want to understand how someone ticks and sure I want to get to some of the layers, so I can understand them better and make our relations better.

That way I can know how to express my wants to them. If they get what they want, I get what I want. The end. But not all layers. Never all. Then the person becomes boring and just another psych case.

For some of the more unstable INFJs and in your face ENFJs, this is some sort of deranged mission to immerse themselves in someone else too much. It's gross to me. Immerse yourself mostly in yourself.

Needless to say, I dropped my psychology major after the first semester. Weird af INFJ.
 
#15 ·
ISTP is the grunge kid that have survived into old age and therefore has learned the art of being resourceful and making materials out of scratch when none available because he's practical af. ISTP is not afraid of trial and errors. The same cannot be said for his emotions though for grunge kid ISTP had lived pretty much on his own in the woods. He remembers the time he had to make his toys out of pieces of cardboards and woods because he had lived too far away from Toys R Us and now you have wasted one minute of your time reading this bullshit and trying to figure out how to get to know an ISTP.
 
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#18 ·
Don't try to change us (for better or worse)
Basically keep your influence of others to yourself when with us. We like our freedom physically and mentally.

Do be friendly and laid back. Keep it light.

Don't play along as if you don't care or make us your center and project either. This has awkward and difficult times ahead written all over it. (this equals us avoiding you or moving away from your sphere of influence you've created)

Do find the middle between you and us personality wise and be honest about you when reaching across and interacting with us. We respect that.

Don't be scared of our face or the fact that we aren't always "on" like you. This doesn't mean we don't like you.

Do get comfortable with yourself as you are and chill w us.

Don't put pressure on anything or anyone for any reason when we are around. (instant uncomfortable-ness) super uncool.

Do have a working knowledge of something you like and enjoy.
Do get ready for questions if we are interested in similar things.

Don't get puffed up to try and compete w us. We may not notice your upset till your fuming. We're just awesome and naturally adept as you seem to know so don't missunderstand that for a challenge unless we have been direct in starting it.

(hint, the more you ask when you think you know the better off we will be till you get to know us.)

Bond over projects and working together. Key word is TOGETHER. Even if it is your project.
If you can't do it w input or don't want it please let us know before hand how you are looking at the project. Especially if we are into it. (you'll be able to tell most times cause we'll tell you! Lol)

Be more friendly and laid back and be willing to do stuff in an adrenaline charged way at times. Most times :D
Be open to jokes that are dry.
Beyond that I'm not sure what else to say. I haven't had a lot of experience with your type simply because of the things I mentioned here. Most of them want to control everything and don't really listen to well or utilize me in the ways I'm best :)

I'm not sure if it's just a gender thing where guys don't expect girls to know things I know or if it is a "different types versus istps" thing but

Don't judge us before you actually know us and generally you won't know us till you've spent a lot of time w us so just get comfortable and hang on! :j

Sent from my VS995 using Tapatalk
 
#20 ·
I'm sorry if I seem fake, but I'm really not. I'm extremely self-aware and I don't need other people's approval to be happy, though it's always nice to be well-liked and appreciated. I'd sooner burn in Hell than act fake or like a different person. Trust me, I've never changed myself for anyone, and I don't intend to. I was being my true, unadulterated self in my post. Sorry if I somehow seemed fake.

I know that my intense level of caring is intimidating/a lot to some people, and so I'm wondering how I can get close to those who aren't so touchy-feely. Unless someone is a negative, selfish jerk, I'm okay with being friends with anyone, no matter how different they are from me. I think differences are what make us so great.

In real life, I've had people think "Ugh, is this guy for real?" upon meeting me, but once they realize I'm sincere and genuine (to a fault haha), I tend to grow on people like a weed.
 
#21 ·
Okay, let's go with the assumption that you are genuine. That is nice, but maybe your kind of genuine is too much some other types? Let's look at how you approached this particular situation of criticism.

"Once they realize I am genuine, I grow on them like a weed!" Introverts - no introverts - want you growing on them like a weed. It's obnoxious and creepy. This is coming from an INFJ - who is supposedly one of the more social introverts.

Also bounding up to someone and "SCREECHING OOOOH YOU'RE SO MYSTERIOUS LET'S BE FRIENDS." No dude. No. I understand that you are genuine (or believe yourself to be) and that asking you to change how you approached an introvert might be asking you to be untrue to yourself.

However, if you cannot resist pushing yourself into someone else's space and demanding their friendship and "how to get close to them", then trying to make friends with introverts is not a good idea.
 
#22 ·
I didn't feel like you were pushing yourself at me but then again I have extroverted functioning people around me on the Reg.[emoji38]
Usually I am not bothered about this but if they focus on me and try to work on me that's when I am not interested in being around. [emoji854]

Sent from my VS995 using Tapatalk
 
#23 ·
Hahaha it's cool, I understand introverts wanting their space (trust me, I'm married to one, and somehow I got her to like me haha).

I wouldn't come up to people in person that way hahaha, that would creep a lot of them out. I wanted to share how I felt inside and see how ISTPs responded. Maybe they'd hate it, or maybe they'd love it.

I don't want to go around changing people, I just want to get to know them. Everyone likes being appreciated on some level, and I like to notice people who often go unnoticed. Not to embarrass them, but rather, to give them a boost.

ISTPs can be intimidating, and I feel like many people are scared to go up to them and get to know them. I'm not going to let that stop me. I've got the balls to talk to whoever I want to talk to, and I like to let introverts know that they're included (if they want to be).

I have an acquaintance who is an ISTP, and he's super cool, and I want to get to know him better, but I don't want to freak him out by getting overly enthusiastic about how cool I think he is. I think he's under appreciated and deserves a little more appreciation. But I also know how much some introverts hate being in the spotlight. I just don't want to blow a potentially awesome friendship by being too...extroverted/energetic.
 
#24 · (Edited)
Disclaimer: I apologize to ISTPs for jumping in and "defending them". You don't need my defense and can take care of yourselves, but a.) I'm speaking more for introverts in general, b.) I tend to play mediator in a lot of situations, and c.) I'm studying him. Let me work. :rolling:

1. Your wife must be moderately low on the introvert scale. Also, you did not get her to do anything. She is a free agent. I hope...

2. If you would not approach people like this in real life, do not do it over the internet. Personalities do not entirely magically turn over the internet.

3. It's nice you don't want to change them. That is something to be appreciated, but why the need to get to know everyone? I understand it is part of who you are and I can respect that as long as you can learn to accept that not everyone wants to be your friend.

4. ISTPs don't need a boost from someone they consider a stranger. I understand this motivation-drive you have for inspiring others. It is part of who you are, but a lot of folks and by dint folks of particular types or sorts do not want it. They might value personal encouragement from a close friend or partner or family member, but not from some random stranger.

5. ISTPs are intimidating? Sure, at first they can seem intimidating, but they are not. If you want to be friends with him just because it seems like a challenge that's weird. Stop.

6. Introverts do not need you to let them know they're included. Most of us function socially just fine...with people who approach us right and don't force it.

7. If you insist on approaching him do not approach him like a project or challenge. INFJs hate that, too and once folks actually figure out what we are (if they can *evil cackling*), they won't fuck off. It's obnoxious af. I would just stay nice and calm and do little conversation starters like, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Hey want to go out to lunch with me and my wife sometime?". Keep the meal short and sweet. Most introverts of any kind cannot stand prolonged, friendly niceties bullshit. All you want to do is find out if you have any common interests whether it is activities or books etc. If there is no common interest, trust me: you need to fuck off.

That said...I cannot believe such happy, bubbly people who want to be everybody's "friend" people exist. I'm scared.
 
#27 ·
1. Locate ISTP
2. Approach ISTP
3. Stand close to ISTP
4. walk away
congratulations....you got close to an ISTP




.......if this plan fails, break something and ask an ISTP to come over and fix it
 
#30 ·
How does a person chill-out? Play a ukelele? Cruise on a skate? Find out what are his hobbies and then invite him to do those activities. It may not be the sort of activity that involves talking about his goals and dreams, but it's the closest thing you could get to know more about the environment that he lives in.
 
#37 ·
I'm unintentionally friends with a lot ISTPs and most people find them strange and standoffish. We're very much light and dark when we're together. Just be yourself! :D What I've noticed that all of them hate seeing is insincerity and posers (as in, people that try to hide their intentions or darker sides).

I'm an INFP 7W8 and I've helped some grow and socialize better with others. They seem to actually care about my opinion. When they've done something they know I'll disagree with, they avoid me for a bit. They disappear then randomly show up on my doorstep. I try not to smother or take whatever they say too personally. I've noticed that most of them forge friendships through mutual interests, not if the person seems interesting or not. They're very loyal but prone to being unhealthy if they don't have a supportive environment or negative environment where their virtues are unacknowledged.
 
#47 ·
Honestly, you just have to let them make the decision whether they want to approach you or not and i suppose not be too overbearing, give them space to breathe. But remember everyone is different despite MBTI ect ect.
 
#52 · (Edited)
Well fuck. I had another wild thought. When ISTPs shove their emotions into a deep dark hole and forget about them, they're not really being fake either. They're just doing what comes naturally to them, albeit even if it is unhealthy. The INFJs natural emotional coping mechanism is also unhealthy.

Fuck, I seriously doubt any of the Meyers-Briggs types come equipped with healthy, emotional coping mechanisms.

All that being said, I always thought of "faking" emotions as purposely putting on false emotions. Acting. Neither burying nor emotional misdirecting counts as faking.

Sooo...fuck. I jumped down the analytical Ni Fe Ti hole. Someone logic me out of this shit.

EDIT: the ENFJ was probably being genuine, but his brand of genuine is obnoxious to introverts, especially ISTPs. So, this is not a question of being genuine anymore, but rather of being overbearing.
 
#55 ·
I was the one that called OP fake. And I stand by it. What I did NOT say, was that his emotions are fake, nor did I imply it. I implied his actions, demeanor and general "in your face with emotions" was fake. Not the emotions themselves.
 
#74 ·
To all those who contributed, thanks for your advice! :happy:


And I'm sorry if I was overbearing—I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I still have a lot of room for improvement.

Also, I've had to work on not coming off as fake a lot—I really am a "care bear" by nature, and was often so "sweet" in my tone growing up that my ESTJ brother frequently thought I was being fake to try to get something (not to mention it made him sick). It wasn't until years later when we had a calm, deep conversation about it that we realized the truth of our misunderstandings.


So here's an update on my ISTP acquaintance (I really want to call him my friend, but I know we aren't there yet):

I talked to him about forging blades and staining wood (two things he enjoys), and he completely lit up! I was thrilled, as his mood is hard to read sometimes (I don't want to approach him when he wants to be left alone/isn't in the mood to talk, and his resting face always looks tired, focused, or slightly annoyed/bored).

And I talked to him again the next week, and greeted him with a hug before we started talking (he is very buff and he gives great hugs—I like being able to hug people without having to worry about them having a frail constitution haha). I was on an emotional high when I hugged him, so I didn't even think about the fact that he doesn't usually give hugs (whoops). It still felt natural though, and he didn't seem to mind. My wife has known him her whole life and saw the whole thing; she said he was really chatty with me—something he isn't with most people.

Things seem to be going well, and I'm trying to keep my Fe in check so as to not freak him out. I think he's reeeeally cool, and I'm hoping things continue to go well between us.

I do have two more questions though:

1). How does one tell if an ISTP is in the mood for talking or not? I may have just gotten lucky the last couple times I talked to him, but I want to make sure I don't screw this up by getting on his nerves. (As I mentioned earlier, he's sometimes hard to read).

2). And how do I not be weird about things? I don't feel like I'm at the point where I can say "Dude, let's go hang out in a garage and make cool stuff together. Can you teach me how you do ________? I want to learn your skills!" (Also, being that I'm SX-dominant when it comes to my instinctual variant, I can be pretty intense sometimes—and I know that can be a lot for some people—too much too fast).

I think if I can get a good, solid friendship established with him, we'd be bros for life, and with our different perspectives/ideas, we could make all sorts of cool stuff together. I just don't wanna be weird about it and mess up a potentially awesome friendship.
 
#75 ·
1). How does one tell if an ISTP is in the mood for talking or not? I may have just gotten lucky the last couple times I talked to him, but I want to make sure I don't screw this up by getting on his nerves. (As I mentioned earlier, he's sometimes hard to read).
Hmm, that's hard to say. I started thinking about a personal example and realised that I don't know when I'm in a mood for talking. But I rarely have a problem with people talking to me when I want to be left alone, so I guess I'm subconsciously making it pretty obvious that I don't want to talk. On the other hand I'm never rude about it. Even in the rare cases when people talk to me and I don't care about the conversation, I listen to them.

I suppose for me personally my level of interest in a conversation is proportional to the amount of talking I'm doing. If I'm mainly listening then I don't find the topic particularly interesting. If I speak enthusiastically, then it's safe to say that I'm enjoying the conversation.

2). And how do I not be weird about things? I don't feel like I'm at the point where I can say "Dude, let's go hang out in a garage and make cool stuff together. Can you teach me how you do ________? I want to learn your skills!" (Also, being that I'm SX-dominant when it comes to my instinctual variant, I can be pretty intense sometimes—and I know that can be a lot for some people—too much too fast).
Just ask him what he thinks about the idea to hang out in the garage together and him teaching you stuff. Formulate the question in such a way as to not contain an expectation, but rather to test the waters. This way there will be no pressure on him and he can be honest without worrying of offending you.

If I liked the idea of hanging out with somebody and they asked me, I'd immediately propose a particular day and activity. If I wasn't sure about the idea I would discuss it for a while without proposing anything particular and then I'll just sit on it for some time until I make up my mind. The thing is that even if I decide that it's a good idea after some time has passed, I might not bring it up
again, but I would be positive if you do.

And finally if I didn't want to do it, I would decline politely/indirectly by saying "I don't know if I can make it. My schedule is kind of tight."

I think if I can get a good, solid friendship established with him, we'd be bros for life, and with our different perspectives/ideas, we could make all sorts of cool stuff together. I just don't wanna be weird about it and mess up a potentially awesome friendship.
Bros for life with an ISTP... I don't know about that. I don't have any bros for life and I don't actively look for any. If I ended up having a bro for life it would be by chance, not by design and I would describe him as a bro for life after 20 years or something. I'm never trying to project any of my relationships into the future and wonder how they are going to look like nor do I try to develop them with some desired outcome in mind.

What I'm saying is that you might end up viewing him as a bro for life, but he might not be viewing you the same way at all.
 
#76 ·
Made the mistake the other day of typing my new mate at work as an ENTP - definitely an ISTP after nearly two weeks of getting to know him! I think he's the first ISTP I have worked with. A lot of overlap with ENTPs, interest in how stuff works, questioning conventions but very independent, very sensor-like in terms of experiencing the world/outlook but definitely a flexible sense of what rules apply or ought to be respected. Very much an introvert. Usually signposts his stories before telling them - 'Its a long story', doesn't like sharing information if he knows its going to be ignored or not taken seriously but mostly keeps things light and has a laugh.

From what I can tell he wants three things if he's going to get on with someone
1 - To know the person he's divulging information to is actually prepared to listen and respond - my friend isn't particularly serious but equally, he hates small talk - so don't try to small your way to making friends with an ISTP.
2 - For the other person to have a sense of humour, don't be easy to offend, be prepared to laugh at yourself
3 - To respect their space and sense of independence, the signals are usually clear when they need to have a think or do their own thing

I'm no authority on the subject, just working closely with someone for a little who has strong ISTP traits.

In short ISTPs are awesome, pleasure getting to know one.
 
#81 · (Edited)
I feel like if someone wants me to like them, they have to very deeply like and accept them selves. also, they have to appear to like me OK. Too much intense interest really puts me off I cannot stand ass-kissing either. I also do not like to be controlled or swarmed or given too much attention. so… A person has to be fairly independent, mature, friendly without being smothering, and it's pretty easy for me to like them. I am immediately turned off from people who have very low self-esteem, Who are always putting themselves down or doubting themselves and acting insecure, and it isn't from a sense of judgment... your average I STP is going to be fairly confident, and I think we tend to respond well to basic confidence in other people as well.
 
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