[ISTP] How Do I Get Close To ISTPs? - Page 13

How Do I Get Close To ISTPs?

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This is a discussion on How Do I Get Close To ISTPs? within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by Senah @ Supercav I can see in university that being the case, especially if an ENTP hasn't ...

  1. #121
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Quote Originally Posted by Senah View Post
    @Supercav I can see in university that being the case, especially if an ENTP hasn't developed their social skills well yet. ENTPs are drawn to all types of people, so they tend to have friends and acquaintances in all groups, which makes them dynamic. I don't know that they are necessarily people they open up to, but it can create a "following" to some extent. The testing theories and ideas and gathering input combined with the confidence (which ISTPs also have - a sort of this is what I think and I don't care if you disagree with me, but manifested in a different way), can come across in a negative way.

    I had this problem in elementary and junior school, and sorted it out in high school. By college, I had been able to take the positive elements of the personality and stream out the negative. It is really useful because in smaller groups and one on one you can really integrate a lot of interesting ideas and friendships into your life. I think the trick might be to really be on a more individual basis. In the same way that an ENTJ can take me down a peg or two and really poke holes in my ideas and make me reconsider, I feel like an ISTP can make me rethink a lot of the things I am secure about and I don't have to worry about hurting their feelings as we go back and forth, and I also really will respect and understand their thought process.

    At any rate, I think in general the social development is something ENTPs need to learn about and work on as they grow up, because no one likes a know-it-all. I certainly learned that, and benefitted from that lesson.
    Seems so in this case. It also happens that at the time I was probably older than him by 3, 4 years and pretty settled in my understanding of how "the real world" works, and had basically no patience for what I considered weakness and bullshit… which for this reason or that (I think it may have been popularity, perhaps not) he wasn't just attuned to but highly involved in supporting.

    Apparently front-runners don't like being told they're full of shit. :P

  2. #122
    ISTP

    I'm not sure. I think it all depends on the Istp. Personally if I think someone is being too friendly, I get uncomfortable. I have alot of barriers put up but thats my problem.
    Maybe try to participate in their interest? I feel like that would help.
    If you find a way that works, let me know.

  3. #123

    It may sourd like cheesy but it is not : be yourself and get straight to the point. The thing I dislike the most is people playing the «*social hypocrisy game*» like smiling then ruining you in their head and so on.

    To be honest, hiding will not help someone to be accepted by me faster because I generally do not really judge people in a définitive way (I do not care) so they have plenty of room for sharing with me...and I see quickly when someone play a role. Furthermore, I tend to do not categorize people in different boxes like «*friends*», «*lovers*», I have more an impermanent relationship management even if ironically I am probably once of the most loyal in it and attached to shared interactions.

    If the question is about seduction, I will not lie to you : aesthetics play a large role, tough it can be contextual aesthetics. It is more a matter of style.
    Last edited by AlexandreDeMacedoine; 04-28-2018 at 01:37 AM.
    Westy365 thanked this post.

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  5. #124
    INFJ

    I think the best way of getting close to them is by two things:
    1-. Having similar interests
    2-. Let them approach you. Try talking to them first if you want. Then give them space, and if they talk to you again, then they want to know you better. If not, move on. If they want your friendship, they will put effort. Otherwise, showing too much interest will scare them away (just like with any other introvert).

    I have just met two ISTPs that I know of. And this worked for me :o
    Maybe taking things as they come and go with the flow is what works best?
    Westy365 thanked this post.

  6. #125

    Another update:

    My ISTP friend and I were hanging out together at a game night at a mutual friend's house this past weekend. Everyone had a little bit to drink, and I mixed a drink that tasted really good and got pretty tipsy (though not completely drunk). I was not the most intoxicated person there, but I certainly went farther than I had intended to. My ISTP friend had a couple of beers, but he was certainly not drunk.

    Three things stood out to me about him that night:

    The first was that he swore in front of me for the first time. This reminded me of when an ENFP friend I had in college told me that he felt comfortable enough to swear in front of me without being judged, which meant he trusted me. So perhaps it's a similar thing with my ISTP friend?

    The second is that he called me "bro" for the first time, which felt more personal than "man."

    The third was that his Fe was showing.
    He kept checking on me the whole time, making sure I was okay, telling me to drink more water, etc. It was great. He does it a little bit on a normal basis if I appear to be hurt, but obviously I needed a little bit more...supervision(?) that night.

    As a disclaimer, I won't be doing that again though, as I prefer to be my normal self (when you make an open book more open, you start ripping out excerpts and shoving them in people's faces haha).


    But the best part of the night was when he gave me a ride home. I could've walked—it wasn't that far—but he still offered to give me a ride. When he pulled up to the driveway, I thanked him for being such a good friend and gave him a hug, and he hugged me back, without feeling the slightest bit uncomfortable. Perhaps I sensed it was a good time, or I was delusional from the alcohol, or perhaps a little tequila is my "liquid luck"—but what happened next I will never forget. The words I had been thinking for months but had been scared to say for fear of smothering him just slipped right out of my mouth, "You're such a good friend—I love you!" And he said "I love you too" and gave me another quick hug. I will treasure that moment always. It caught me by surprise, and it was completely euphoric. I didn't know if I'd ever hear that from him, but I did.

    To all those who helped on here, thank you so much. I'm not convinced I could have been so fortunate if not for you guys. I'm still learning and working hard to give him space and to not smother him, but he has become one of the dearest people in my life. While there's still a lot I don't know about him, that's okay—I know who he is, and I know he's my loyal friend—and that is enough.
    SaveSave
    Last edited by Westy365; 05-08-2018 at 07:04 AM.
    Liriope, letsrunlikecrazy, pwowq and 2 others thanked this post.

  7. #126

    Quote Originally Posted by foamonthewaves View Post
    All joking aside, I think some ISTPs do what to get close to other people and want relationships, but if they do, they have to do it on their own terms, in their own way, at their own pace. A healthy ISTP is not hard to get along with in a relationship if you're not a simpering idiot and you have your own independent life and mind.

    This whole..."OMGZ HOW DO I GET CLOSER TO YOU???!?!?!?" *SMEARS SELF INTO PERSONAL SPACEEEEEEE*

    Just no. If you try that with any introvert - even us more touchy feely sorts - we're going to tell you to fuck off into oblivion. Like get the fuck away from me.

    Fucking extroverts.
    Hahahaha I am laughing here.

    BUT occasionally I like the fuzziness when I need it. But I get what you mean.

    And I agree with ISTPs there is no way of doing that. With my ISTP I only do that when I want to make him uncomfortable.


     
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