[ISTP] ISTP-INFJ, is it love or is it confusion?

ISTP-INFJ, is it love or is it confusion?

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  • 1 Post By gte
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  • 1 Post By beijaeu

This is a discussion on ISTP-INFJ, is it love or is it confusion? within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Closed--...

  1. #1
    Unknown

    ISTP-INFJ, is it love or is it confusion?

    Closed--
    Last edited by beijaeu; 12-18-2018 at 01:54 AM.



  2. #2
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    1) According to ISTP males in this forum, do you think his feelings towards me is real? My gut feeling told me that he genuinely like me, but he was still struggling subconsciously to move on from the pangs of the breakup. What's your opinion about this based on your personal experience?
    I think his feelings are real, but it is possible that he still has feelings towards his ex. In any case you will be taking a risk if you decide to pursue a relationship with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    2) These past few weeks, he seemed to turn hot-and-cold more often. I know that it is a pressing time for him as he wants to finish his draft by February 2019. So time is pressing, but his hot-cold pushes my insecurity button...even though I don't bring this up to him and just continue chatting and talking about lighthearted matters...
    Acting hot and cold is a stereotype about ISTPs. I can't comment on how correct it is. I have personally never been accused of it directly, but I imagine that I can be perceived this way. That's probably something that will remain and you will have to learn to live with it and not be triggered.

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    3) I somehow think that the ex has started texting him again... Do you think he would be able to reduce his communication with the ex...or...?
    It is possible that he can stop texting with his ex, but it is also possible that he won't. You have something going on between you two, but it's very early so I don't see an ISTP making a big commitment at this stage. Asking him to stop texting his ex is a signal that you expect a big commitment.

    All in all it's a complicated situation and the beginning of this relationship won't be easy at all. It's up to you to decide whether you wont to invest the time and effort into it. Ultimately there are no guarantees about the future so you'll be taking a risk. And it is quite possible that your insecurities will continue to be triggered. In this case both of you will have to deal with it. He will have to be more careful not to trigger you and you will have to be more trusting and not be triggered easily. Can you do that? I have no idea. In any case I wish you best of luck!

  3. #3
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    1) I am curious as to how ISTP develop feelings (love in a romantic relationship sense)... Is it something that evolves over time and despite conflicts continue to occur (as in the case of him and the ex) once the love is there, it will always be there..?
    I can't speak for all ISTPs here. For me personally love is more than just a feeling - it's also a decision and a commitment. Another ISTP stereotype is that we don't do commitments. One thing is for sure - "once there, always there" is not something I associate with our type. Things change. I mean, it is possible to have a long term relationship with an ISTP, but you can't take it for granted and assume that it won't change.

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    2) We are texting daily and calling almost daily, and most of the time he seems affectionate (keep calling me baby - don't laugh! I know this may sound funny and teenage-like, but I am flattered and smiling inside every time I read his text haha) and he 1/2 the time initiates the text. He mentioned a few times that him being around daily (through text and call) means if he cares about me. Do you think he tries to put efforts in this relationship with me even though he might still care and love his ex..? When we video called he wouldn't mind if his mom saw me (his parents often come to visit him), to me (a hardcore introvert) this is a grand gesture if I allow my family members to see a prospective partner (including him flying over to meet me, at first I thought he was just joking, so I was quite moved by this and the attention he gave when pursuing me)...but perhaps ISTPs have different view on this.
    Him being around does indeed mean that he cares. It doesn't mean that he will care forever, but it means that he cares now.

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    3) Is it something that applies to ISTP (I know every individual is unique, I am sorry if I sound like generalising) that "out of sight, out of mind"?
    I believe it is. It applies to me for sure. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people I don't see.

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    4) I know I am supposed to be asking this to him...but since I don't want to bug his writing, allow me to ask this to the ISTP forum instead... What would be the reason for ISTP to pursue a new relationship if you are still struggling with the hurts post breakup? He said prior to meeting me he tried to date several women, and none really clicked him, but he wanted to find someone asap because we just wanted to move on...and voila, there I was...
    If an ISTP believes that a new relationship will help heal faster, that's a reason to pursue one. It seems that this is the case with your ISTP.

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    5) I don't know how to end this relationship... one is because I have strong feelings towards him...(I once said "I love you", and he replied "I know" hahaha). But I also don't know where I stand. My impression is that he wants this relationship but wants us to get to know each other 'naturally' while he's sorting his study and ex... When I try to slow down my text, he either texts me or calls me and tries to chat about daily things, asking me how my days are and my preparation for grad school etc. I don't know should I just stop texting him completely, ignore his text, or..?
    If you decide to end the relationship it would be best to tell him that you are ending it and why. Disappearing suddenly and cutting off contact is a rather cowardly thing to do.
    beijaeu thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by gte View Post
    I can't speak for all ISTPs here. For me personally love is more than just a feeling - it's also a decision and a commitment. Another ISTP stereotype is that we don't do commitments. One thing is for sure - "once there, always there" is not something I associate with our type. Things change. I mean, it is possible to have a long term relationship with an ISTP, but you can't take it for granted and assume that it won't change.



    Him being around does indeed mean that he cares. It doesn't mean that he will care forever, but it means that he cares now.



    I believe it is. It applies to me for sure. I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people I don't see.



    If an ISTP believes that a new relationship will help heal faster, that's a reason to pursue one. It seems that this is the case with your ISTP.



    If you decide to end the relationship it would be best to tell him that you are ending it and why. Disappearing suddenly and cutting off contact is a rather cowardly thing to do.
    Thank you so much for your replies!
    gte thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    I am an INFJ female in my early 30 and my partner is a 40-year old ISTP. We live in different continents, so we are doing a long distance relationship... I have read some ISTP's comments that it is futile to try to do a long distance relationship with an ISTP... Well, I wish I knew that before 'agreeing/committing' to him... Anyway...
    I don't really know how to help you with this, just because I am an ISTP doesn't mean I am a dating expert (far from), but I do know that whoever said this doesn't know wtf they're talking about. There is a tendency here to treat people as black boxes instead of individuals and those doing it really need to cut that shit out. Compartmentalization is great for very broad organization but it doesn't belong in an in depth discussion concerning an individual. Me being the same "type" as this person means nothing, there are all kinds of ISTPs, if you want some real answers, talk to people that know you both or know the individual in question, they'll have way more worthwhile information and opinions for you than a bunch of strangers who happen to have 4 letters in common.

  7. #6
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by soop View Post
    I don't really know how to help you with this, just because I am an ISTP doesn't mean I am a dating expert (far from), but I do know that whoever said this doesn't know wtf they're talking about. There is a tendency here to treat people as black boxes instead of individuals and those doing it really need to cut that shit out. Compartmentalization is great for very broad organization but it doesn't belong in an in depth discussion concerning an individual. Me being the same "type" as this person means nothing, there are all kinds of ISTPs, if you want some real answers, talk to people that know you both or know the individual in question, they'll have way more worthwhile information and opinions for you than a bunch of strangers who happen to have 4 letters in common.
    Hi there, thanks for your feedback

    I did not specifically ask for your help though. So if you think my thread is inappropriate, as a VIP member, perhaps you could help me with the "cut that shit out" by deleting this thread or reporting it - whichever you deem proper. Because as a newbie who signed up yesterday, I am still not sure how to do that. And if this thread will annoy or offend more ISTPs in this forum, which is never my intention, I am sorry and I will attempt to delete this thread for everyone's peace

  8. #7
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by beijaeu View Post
    Hi there, thanks for your feedback

    I did not specifically ask for your help though. So if you think my thread is inappropriate, as a VIP member, perhaps you could help me with the "cut that shit out" by deleting this thread or reporting it - whichever you deem proper. Because as a newbie who signed up yesterday, I am still not sure how to do that. And if this thread will annoy or offend more ISTPs in this forum, which is never my intention, I am sorry and I will attempt to delete this thread for everyone's peace
    I don't think you personally should cut anything out, I meant the person who gave you that specific nugget of advice should cut that shit out. I think you're perfectly within your rights to seek help here, I just don't think it will be the best quality. I took no offense to your thread, I took offense to the shitty advice you were given.


     

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