[ISTP] Colleague driving me crazy

Colleague driving me crazy

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This is a discussion on Colleague driving me crazy within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; ...

  1. #1
    ISTP

    Colleague driving me crazy

    English is not my native language you would be so kind to bear with me. You know since I am the “manager” I am not supposed to say all these “negative” things when everyone is like “You are the leader you need to bring everyone on board. Be a motivator. Be supportive. Don’t be an ass.” What a fxxkin joke. Seriously if you need someone else to motivate you to do your job, you will never make it far no matter what you do and you’re probably wasting your time in the wrong business anyway.

    My problem is the assistant manager under me (ISTP) who I strongly suspect to be a NF. She joined 2 years ago and last year she literally demanded promotion and threatened to go. I couldn’t care less she was not outstanding by any means as far as I was aware and she was not working with me then (i.e. Didn’t know much about her at all). One thing I did know was how emotional she could become when she made a big scene with another manager a while back. She always raises her voice when she is excited you can literally hear her outside the office and god she loves to chat in particular with a junior girl under her.

    My boss is a nice guy and wanted to give her a chance in light of her 7 years of experience in the industry and so she became AM.

    I realized she is absolutely clueless about her job as a manager and what is expected of her. She couldn’t handle her relationship with the above junior staff she referred as “friend” who simply spent all day chatting with her and did nothing. It is clear in her case her “friendship” is deeply misguided. I spoke honestly to her about the problem and told her to straighten out her “friendship” with the junior. Later on she admitted she couldn’t get the junior to do anything. I was thinking “wtf are you doing here telling me all this”.

    Soon I realized she absolutely has no knowledge about a whole lot of simplest things in our line of work that a junior staff would have known in their first year. Makes me wonder how she spent her last 7 years in the business. Not much I can do about that and I am not prepared to start over and teach a manager how to count fingers.

    She also has this tendency to be overly-concerned about how others “feel” about an issue and argued with us regularly about the “right thing to do”, things like giving people leeway because he/she would suffer if we do this or that. I have to tell her many times which basically means “We are essentially officers of the court in the private sector and we have a job to do here, remember our duties and the risks we face if we make the wrong move." We are not here to sympathize. We are here to enforce the law and do what the law says we must do. We can be a little creative in how we do what we do but she should know better people would say anything to get their way and make us look stupid in an embarrassing position. Naive.

    She never learns. One day some director offended her for no apparent reason and she came to me and suggest multiple different ways to make his life miserable and seek my approval. I asked her to justify why we should spend time and resources to investigate this particular director or make him suffer when we can spend our time on more promising cases. Her reason was “I can't tell you the exact reason but I don’t like her.” Are we nuts?! We don’t play vendettas around here just because you don't like somebody! Maybe her inner voice told her this is the right thing to do but this is not ethical at all professionally speaking.

    The other day she came to my office (which I share with my boss) and suggested we write some long accusing letters to a bank. “Fine. May I ask why?” “They deliberately delay in returning the money to our custody despite our repeated requests. They are obviously playing games with us” “OK. How much are we talking about here?” “9 dollars (USD)”. Holy Jesus fuxk me. “Do you want us to spend literally hours on this? Remember you are charging almost 400 per hour, I am charging almost 600 per hour and our boss here is charging 800 per hour. For what? 9 dollars?” Are we in lalaland? Is it OK for a bunch of dixks to charge thousands of dollars in order to claim back something equivalent to a McDonald meal? Plain stupid shxt.

    I can’t make sense of her logic (if there is one) and all these little things are driving me crazy on a daily basis I can’t talk any sense to her. It feels like we are in completely different realities and she is becoming a liability in my work. We are about to have our annual appraisal and I really don’t have any good words for her. On the other hand, I can’t stop thinking maybe I am biased / blinded in some way I am unaware of, and I don’t want to be unfair to her in my comments on her performance.

    Well, back to work.



  2. #2
    ISTP

    Does she do her job at the set company standard? If yes: eh, it is what it is.

    If no: Has there been a serious developmental talk with her about her performance? Give her a chance to change before throwing her out.

    Your obvious bias towards her is you're emotional about it. Try take a step back and think about her performance rather her irratic behaviour. You can tell her what you are thinking ie -> we don't do personal vendettas here.


    I've been in a similar situation where a colleague drove the whole fucking workplace NUTS. Although it was more extreme than this. Even the union-representatives went "dude, you're an annoying twat! we'll just sit here and nod in silence pretending to listen." My boss probably thought: I wish I could buy him out a few years early!
    Instead the workplace suffered the last few years until he reached pension.
    Last edited by pwowq; 07-16-2019 at 02:11 AM.

  3. #3
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by pwowq View Post
    Your obvious bias towards her is you're emotional about it

    You are right I didn't realise. Thank you for pointing it out.
    pwowq thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    The big reason why i will never become a manager. I don´t like to take responsibilities for idiots. And that is what happens most of the time: you become leader of a team of which you have no idea whether you can reach the stated goals.

    That leads that bull shit motivation shit. In sports: there is no way an elite trainer accepts a job, when he feels he can never reach the ambition with the current players. He demands reinforcements.

    In your case: swallow that or give up the job, responsibilities, but also the pay and sit behind your desk with some noise cancelling headphones so you don't get annoyed, about the dumb things people say and do all the time.
    pwowq and t4u6 thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ISTP

    Yeah that's life. The main difference now is I can no longer tell people to simply f off since people come to you for advice and solutions all the time I have to listen everything they've got to say (or risking myself for turning away crucial information and screw up later), and politely tell them why I disagree no matter how stupid it sounds because I don't want to scare them away I need them to feed me information all the time.

    It's just something I have to live with, at least now I have enough freedom in what I do and I can turn down stupid suggestions. Still I find NFs to be unbearable at times tbh. They are good people but they do not think in terms of reality and it never fails to irritate me.

  7. #6

    It doesn't matter what her type is, she sounds crazy. If I were in your position I would be worried about accidentally offending her someday and then waking up in a basement tied to a chair.
    t4u6 thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Quote Originally Posted by t4u6 View Post
    Yeah that's life. The main difference now is I can no longer tell people to simply f off since people come to you for advice and solutions all the time I have to listen everything they've got to say (or risking myself for turning away crucial information and screw up later), and politely tell them why I disagree no matter how stupid it sounds because I don't want to scare them away I need them to feed me information all the time.

    It's just something I have to live with, at least now I have enough freedom in what I do and I can turn down stupid suggestions. Still I find NFs to be unbearable at times tbh. They are good people but they do not think in terms of reality and it never fails to irritate me.
    Either that or you learn that some people come from other places. That is exactly what MBTI can help you with. Do you think that applying logic to emotional issues is going to benefit you?

    If anything it will drive a wedge. If I were you I would have acknowleged her feelings and then I would have started to ask her questions to lead her logically to a determination, that execution of her feelings wouldn't be the best for her and the company.

    And if she finally came to that conclusion, I would tell her that she madet the right one and praise her for it.

    Remember that however you find it pretty dumb what she says, in her mind, which is wired completely different it is really in favour of the company. Problem is that those people who base decisions on their feelings, are generally not really cost efficiënt. In their mind it is perfectly logical to spend 400 dollars to earn 9.

    You have to deal with what you get and yes you have to listen to personal shit too. I can do that, but I don't like it and the pay is not worth it.
    t4u6 and VoicesOfSpring thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ISTP

    This morning she told me the folder of a case that she's been handling since May, somehow disappeared mysteriously from our server. She was still able to access the folder and everything in it yesterday.

    Told her to get IT to retrieve our backup and hopefully nothing is lost.

    She was not happy she thought I was blaming her.

  10. #9
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by t4u6 View Post
    This morning she told me the folder of a case that she's been handling since May, somehow disappeared mysteriously from our server. She was still able to access the folder and everything in it yesterday.

    Told her to get IT to retrieve our backup and hopefully nothing is lost.

    She was not happy she thought I was blaming her.
    Someone, some day, will notice clues lining up and... haha, maybe she or someone else hit delete by mistake.. idk.

     

    Did IT retrieve the folder?

    [sarcasm]
    Hmm.. should we start accusing you for making life difficult for her?
    [/sarcasm]


  11. #10
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by pwowq View Post
    Someone, some day, will notice clues lining up and... haha, maybe she or someone else hit delete by mistake.. idk.

     

    Did IT retrieve the folder?

    [sarcasm]
    Hmm.. should we start accusing you for making life difficult for her?
    [/sarcasm]

    No. IT told me the backup system somehow also failed to work (for some technical reasons I have no idea what they are talking about) and they did not know about it until we asked for the backup copy...

    So I had a deal with her to wrap things up quick and move on: She brings up the physical files (we have a hard copy of everything we did just in case) and reconstruct the lost files (at least the essential ones) in server. I will not ask questions about who did it or how it happened and I will not inform higher-ups what's happened unless she gives me reason to. She also has to sort out with IT about the stupid backup failure and make sure when it fails again IT will know about it.

    I told her she's in luck we started this case only 2 months ago not 2012. She disagreed.


     

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