[ISTP] Does it take effort to socialize?

Does it take effort to socialize?

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This is a discussion on Does it take effort to socialize? within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; I suppose I could have made this thread or merged it with my other one on here (is that possible?) ...

  1. #1
    Unknown

    Does it take effort to socialize?

    I suppose I could have made this thread or merged it with my other one on here (is that possible?)

    Anywho, I was wondering, does efforts to be friendly at work or in class happen since you feel the 'need' to?

    And being friendly to others doesn't equate to wanting to become the person's friend, correct? If so, how do you make efforts / strides to show that, and what do you do with those you'd like to make someone a friend?



  2. #2
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    I am a friendly guy, I can be quickly annoyed, but I am not a misantrope. I don't feel the need to be friendly, but in the work environment it also doesn't help to be a total outcast, so I put some energy in asking co workers about things that matter in their lives. It is not my nature, but it doesn't kill you either. And the benefits far outweigh the cost.

    I have no idea how I make friends, but most of the time after some conversations it goes like, we should have lunch man or we should go out with a couple of people in the gym for example.

    Sometimes initial clicks lead to longer term contacts and sometimes they water down.

  3. #3
    Unknown

    Hmm what is foreign about making friends? If presented with the opportunity to make a friend/offered to spend time together, do you always take it?

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  5. #4
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Quote Originally Posted by HyperRoyalty View Post
    Hmm what is foreign about making friends? If presented with the opportunity to make a friend/offered to spend time together, do you always take it?
    No, I already have enough of them. It would mean either cut time with them to put in someone else or cutting back on my me time and the last thing certainly ainīt going to happen.

    But once in a while I cycle thru people I deal with. I ditch some of them, who donīt bring me anything because we grew apart and I have room for new people that fit me better at that moment.

  6. #5

    Foreign is actually going somewhere and saying "now I will make friends". Friends happen, I don't make them. Which also means that I invest nothing -- or, at least, nothing of meaning. Presumably, you're friends because you like to spend time doing stuff together. That's hardly a calculated investment. People I invest time and energy in are people with whom I don't want to be friends, but with whom I decided I need to have a decent relationship with regardless. It's an inverse relation.

    Also, yes it takes effort to socialise, but that's a different question (socialise == making polite talk at parties or whatever with no other aim than to not be an abrasive fuck. Sometimes, I have shits to give. Sometimes, I don't.)
    Spell66 thanked this post.

  7. #6
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Spell66 View Post
    No, I already have enough of them. It would mean either cut time with them to put in someone else or cutting back on my me time and the last thing certainly ainīt going to happen.

    But once in a while I cycle thru people I deal with. I ditch some of them, who donīt bring me anything because we grew apart and I have room for new people that fit me better at that moment.
    Does that mean each friend brings/gives you something different?

    Quote Originally Posted by Northern Lights View Post
    Foreign is actually going somewhere and saying "now I will make friends". Friends happen, I don't make them. Which also means that I invest nothing -- or, at least, nothing of meaning. Presumably, you're friends because you like to spend time doing stuff together. That's hardly a calculated investment. People I invest time and energy in are people with whom I don't want to be friends, but with whom I decided I need to have a decent relationship with regardless. It's an inverse relation.

    Also, yes it takes effort to socialise, but that's a different question (socialise == making polite talk at parties or whatever with no other aim than to not be an abrasive fuck. Sometimes, I have shits to give. Sometimes, I don't.)


    Hmm, is the need due to stuff like networking/a transactional investment?

  8. #7
    ISTP

    For me probably relatively little compared to the general population (it comes naturally). Most of the time I don't even initiate it, basically people see me my minding my own damn business and think to themselves "hey, I bet that girl would really love if I disturbed her with useless chatter" and then proceed to do just that, sometimes its a nice conversation, more often than not its weird, but as long as I feel safe I don't see any reason to end the convo, so I just respond.

    There are times when I do initiate conversation, its usually with people I already know though, or for a purpose.

  9. #8
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Quote Originally Posted by HyperRoyalty View Post
    Does that mean each friend brings/gives you something different?
    Not really. I donīt need anything from people and I seek people with the same mindset. It makes things more pure and people tend to be more honest and direct because of that.

    However I bind over mutual interests and activities so yes, in that way, the people in my life share an interest.

    People with the same mindset but no shared interest doesnīt work and rarely becomes anything. People with a shared activity but not the same mindset sometimes does. But these are the ones I cycle thru because I have a very low tolerance for bullshit and superficial yapping. And the definition of that changes with time and awareness.

  10. #9
    ISTP

    Quote Originally Posted by HyperRoyalty View Post
    Anywho, I was wondering, does efforts to be friendly at work or in class happen since you feel the 'need' to?

    And being friendly to others doesn't equate to wanting to become the person's friend, correct? If so, how do you make efforts / strides to show that, and what do you do with those you'd like to make someone a friend?
    Even if I feel the need to be friendly at work or in class, I don't really go above the bare minimum of smiling at people and saying "hi," and maybe participating in small talk that they've initiated. I don't make large strides to show that I would like to be someone's friend.

  11. #10
    ISTP

    At work I kinda switch automatically (more extroverted) so I function better normally it doesn't feel too taxing, and yes it has nothing to do with friendship.


     
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