[ISTP] How to end a 7 year 'friendship' With an ISTP. Should I even end it?

How to end a 7 year 'friendship' With an ISTP. Should I even end it?

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  • 3 Post By U-80
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This is a discussion on How to end a 7 year 'friendship' With an ISTP. Should I even end it? within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Hello, I am an INTJ. I am having issues with an ISTP I've known for several years, this is long ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    How to end a 7 year 'friendship' With an ISTP. Should I even end it?

    Hello, I am an INTJ.
    I am having issues with an ISTP I've known for several years, this is long so please bear with me.

    There is someone that I became friends with in middle school. We stayed friends ever since.
    After middle school, we started to drift apart a little, and lived miles away from one another but we still had a really good rapport. I started to lose trust in him about a year ago, because I had been betrayed many times throughout the years by so called ''friends.'' and due to the fact that I could no longer tell where he was at mentally as we had been living drastically different lives at that point. He was in continuation school, on the streets hanging out with thugs getting into mischief with them internalizing values that I wholeheartedly disagreed with, but he for the most part still seemed the same person, just going through some sort of struggle. So as his friend I stuck by him and didn't discount him regardless of this as I remember when I met him he was a good person (Not seemingly, but realistically). But within the past 2 years I've noticed that his opinion of me has drastically lowered since I do not share the same street ideologies, he's made it obvious that he believes that I am sheltered despite the fact that since I was a child I've been forced to interact with different types of people on a continual basis from all different walks of life due to my fathers occupation and me helping him at work and meeting his clients. Not only this, but I enjoy talking to people from different parts of the world of all ages from all parts, and unlike him, I didn't just stay in one part of town and internalize this part of town as 'how life works' as this is how he appears to me at least. Lastly, I never stayed inside for very long, was always and outdoor person meeting new people, going to all parts of town from the hoods, to the suburbs, to even meeting kids from outside of town because I Would stay with my cousin, so I know I'm not unexposed due to the fact that ever since I was a child, and to this day many people that I've met seem very impressed by me and often comment on how smart/wise I can be. Please, I am not trying to brag I'm just presenting my case.

    Within the last year and a half his brother and I have hit it off well, and will hang out on a regular basis and I often congregate with him as well, because at the time we we're all good with each other. Recently over the last year, he has become condescending and arrogant. If I make a point, or we get into a debate, he just talk over me which ends with me being infuriated and just retiring from the discussion, as I refuse to debate someone who will not let me say two words. If I share good news, or there's a group of us and I share an accomplishment, he always responds with something negative, or trying to downplay whatever I did.

    Two days ago, I was talking about how I was finally able to do an exercise ( upside down crunches hanging off of a pullup bar with a 15lb bar) He then begins boasting about how it's easy and he could do 50 of them and then insists so hard till he bets me $30. He goes to the park and then calls me mentioning monkey bars, I tell him no! You can't do it like that, that's improper form. Because I didn't use a monkey bar, and HE was the one who arranged the bet! I told him NO! pullup bar!

    So later on I go over their house with his brother who I just smoked with (sometimes I use MJ in conjunction with stretching)

    He gets in my face yelling about how I changed rules and how I am not getting $30 then when I begin to talk he starts yelling again and his sister comes out asking what the issue is and he's talking about I'm being hella annoying WHEN I BARELY GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY 2 WORDS!! . I just pacified because I was pretty high and didn't want to kill it feuding with people who only listen to themselves talk shut me out and make assumptions about where they think I am coming from (possible TI-NI loop?).

    A)I wasn't even going to make him pay, him admitting he couldn't do it and then giving me props when I have been working out hard would have been enough

    B) had he tried that exercise on the monkey bars one of two things would have happened.

    he would have either been doing the wrong exercise, or injured himself hitting the weight bar against the monkey bar in an attempt to do the exercise.

    Originally I was going to help his girlfriend prepare for his birthday on Friday, but this whole situation just did it for me I really considered just calling him up the other day and telling him that he'd better be prepared to knock me out next time he gets in my face screaming like that cause I really wanted to punch him right in the face at that moment and I know that's not the proper way to resolve conflicts. His mother at one point had even warned him that he'd better be careful how he treats me. I never take this sort of bull from anyone, and he was an exception being almost like family but now I'm ready to just forget this relationship, I feel like I've been a better friend to him than he has to me and I'm just annoyed angry and confused.

    Like It also annoys me that he feels like he's so high and mighty till he can judge the hell out of me, my activities and hobbies yet all he does is go to work (fast food) go to parties, and play call of duty. No future aspirations.

    I almost feel like he's jealous in a since. Like his brother mentioned how at starbucks a barista was flirting with me, and his response was "oh, so you think you got game?"

  2. #2
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Why stay friends with someone you clearly dislike?

  3. #3
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Bro just tell him you have had enough of him condescending you, and acting higher than you. Be direct with an ISTP, that is the only way. Don't mince words or actions. Present your case clearly. I gather that in the conflicts you did not say anything, as you didn't want to deal with it or didn't care enough. That's all fine, but now your friend doesn't know what he is doing wrong, even if he is a major douche bag.

    Just tell him that you don't like his attitude and give examples if he tries to play it off. If nothing changes, you have a great reason to cut him loose.

    As with most things in life i tend to just agree to disagree. I know my friend who is an INTJ doesn't follow this rule, and prehaps that is relevant in your friendship. They might be winding you up on purpose.
    Nubb, Laylaw, Sadist and 1 others thanked this post.

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  5. #4
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Splash Shin View Post

    As with most things in life i tend to just agree to disagree. I know my friend who is an INTJ doesn't follow this rule, and prehaps that is relevant in your friendship. They might be winding you up on purpose.
    Hood rule #6

    This reason alone is why I sometimes hate being on INTJF
    Last edited by Sadist; 08-16-2013 at 11:32 AM.

  6. #5
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    People change. It's sad that a good friend is becoming someone you don't like, but if he's internalizing values that you don't respect and his worldview is already getting narrower while yours is getting broader, you're changing in different directions. He sounds insecure, and you sound like you're not so much. If he is truly ISTP and insecure then it makes sense that one of his weaknesses is wanting to be a part of a group or a culture if there is one he considers cool, yet he'll probably never quite fit into it, because ISTPs aren't truly conformists. It's a tough struggle to live out. I've gone through it in different ways, sometimes creating problems for myself, sometimes rising about the crowd, depending on the group, but in the end I'm still working it out. Anyway, that's inferior Fe. I'd try to be understanding of him, have hope for him and his potential, but it's not being a bad friend to let the friendship go. You have to choose your own friends wisely. Don't turn against him, just be the bigger man and be aware of his weaknesses and insecurities. Maybe some day he'll grow up and be someone you respect again.
    Sadist thanked this post.


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