[ISTP] I'm trying to date an ISTP and driving myself crazy

I'm trying to date an ISTP and driving myself crazy

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This is a discussion on I'm trying to date an ISTP and driving myself crazy within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Like a lot of introverts these days, I've resorted to internet dating. I took the initiative and messaged a guy ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I'm trying to date an ISTP and driving myself crazy

    Like a lot of introverts these days, I've resorted to internet dating. I took the initiative and messaged a guy I thought was completely hot, and to my surprise, he actually responded, giving me kudos for taking the initiative. After a week of messaging, we had a date. He seemed very enthusiastic and wanted to see me again. So enthusiastic, in fact, he wanted to have sex and made that clear by asking me a lot of questions about my experience, personal preferences, etc. Which was fine by me because I don't have too many hangups about sex. So we got together again a few days later at his place and had pretty great sex and then...... oy. I guess about three hours of a lot of silence followed. We played two games of chess while he watched Sports Center and then we played Rock Band until 1am. Then he drove me home. I texted him half an hour after he dropped me off and told him I hoped we could get together again, and he seemed enthusiastic in his agreement.

    Here's the problem. I'm an INTP, he's an ISTP. He's 32, I'm 25. He's crazy accomplished---doctor, marathon runner, in a band, speaks three languages, and is mind-blowingly hot. I'm no slouch, and I have plenty of my own hobbies and am quite athletic. But I feel like I can't possibly measure up to him and am not good enough. I completely clam up around him and don't know what to say, even though I'm pretty witty and verbose when typing. He says he's had problems dating in the past because women become "too attached" to him, and he can't commit. I didn't think that would be a problem for me, but because I'm hyper-analytical, I'm tearing my hair out trying to figure out if he's actually interested in me or if I'm just the flavor of the month. I try not to bug him, so I send him maybe a text message a day, and if he's online I say hi. He responds very quickly, but doesn't have a lot to say. And his job as a doctor has him keeping very irregular hours.

    I'm completely stumped as to how to show him I'm interested without freaking him out, and I'm lost as to how to figure out whether he's interested in me. Bleh, any advice?
    jack in the box thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    That whole story just made me cringe.

    The guy is bad news. Walk away and let us never speak of him again.

  3. #3
    ISTP - The Mechanics


    Quote Originally Posted by suriptikous View Post
    But I feel like I can't possibly measure up to him and am not good enough. I completely clam up around him and don't know what to say
    First of all it seems that the majority of the problem is within yourself.
    If you feel that you cannot possibly ever measure up to him, he probably is picking up on it too.
    You fulfilled his sexual needs though.

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  5. #4
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    i've heard this from alot of intp's. for some reason alot of u think u can't measure up. and u know an istp wouldn't be the best type to build up ur confidence. don't get too caught up in trying to impress him. i made that mistake before, even when he is impressed he wont show it. u might very well have impressed him and because he didn't show it u could very well beat urself up thinking u were being unimpressive.

  6. #5
    ESTP - The Doers


    Quote Originally Posted by rousse View Post
    That whole story just made me cringe.

    The guy is bad news. Walk away and let us never speak of him again.
    Why do you say this?

    Well, he's direct like an ISTP, and he has committment issues. Sounds pretty typical. He probably does like you if he's still coming back to you. Don't measure yourself based on personal achievement, that's what an ISTP does, that's why his entire life is dedicated to accomplishing as many things as possible, so don't be intimidated.

    How long have you dated? A week?

    The awkward silence that ensued afterward... probably warranted.
    Use sex as a drive to get to know the guy, otherwise the relationship won't last at all. To be honest, you might be his flavor of the month, but you can turn it around on him. If you go straight to sex, there will be no desire for him to talk to you. Play hard to get, stay away from him for a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't the only one he did this with (based on your description).
    ENTJGirlLA, ENTJGirlLA, ENTJGirlLA and 13 others thanked this post.

  7. #6
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I guess purely from a woman's point of view, a guy like this seems like a total a-hole. But, intellectually, I know he's wired to be this way. He really is a nice guy and seems to value kindness. And he's not arrogant at all, which really surprised me.

    The only advantage I think I have as an INTP is that I am also introverted and need my space and can develop a logical strategy for approaching this situation.

    Use sex as a drive to get to know the guy, otherwise the relationship won't last at all. To be honest, you might be his flavor of the month, but you can turn it around on him. If you go straight to sex, there will be no desire for him to talk to you. Play hard to get, stay away from him for a bit.
    This is actually the best idea I came up with too. I think I've assured him of my interest, so I'm going to sit back and relax. He may be an ISTP, but he has to learn to adapt to situations too, and if he's interested in someone and wants to get to know her better, he'll have to learn to take some initiative. And if he doesn't contact me... well, he's either not interested or he's a wuss.


    i've heard this from alot of intp's. for some reason alot of u think u can't measure up.
    I can't speak for all INTPs, but my admiration is hard to earn. He happens to have a combination of characteristics that I really respect, particularly his musical and athletic abilities. Since meeting someone like him is rare, he seems all that much more of a white whale to me.

  8. #7
    ESTP - The Doers


    ... white buffalo....

  9. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I meant more in the "pursuing and never catching" sort of white way.

  10. #9
    ESTP - The Doers


    I'm just quoting hot tub time machine

  11. #10
    INTP - The Thinkers

    And I'm quoting, uh, Derrida..... yeah, that's it.......


     
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