[ISTP] Have you ever been stuck in a rut or hated yourself?

Have you ever been stuck in a rut or hated yourself?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22
Thank Tree38Thanks

This is a discussion on Have you ever been stuck in a rut or hated yourself? within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; If so, dear ISTPs, how did you get through it? My ex (ISTP) cannot be in a relationship right now ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Have you ever been stuck in a rut or hated yourself?

    If so, dear ISTPs, how did you get through it?

    My ex (ISTP) cannot be in a relationship right now due to some serious self-loathing. He has just been letting life pass him by without really playing an active part in it for about 4 years now. He doesn't know what he likes, what he doesn't like, what makes him happy, what doesn't make him happy - so he's going through a period of self-reflection.

    Have any of you gone through this?
    How did you get through it?

    I know that my ex needs a lot of time and space to himself right now. He can't focus on others because he needs to turn inwards. So my goal isn't to help him. I just want to understand him.

    Thank you for your time!
    PseudoRandomness thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Actually, I just came out of one. It lasted about 5 years. When my girlfriend left me it kicked me back into gear. I started educating myself again and it was the main reason I joined this forum. I needed to understand myself.

    Possibly it was the same for him? Often great trauma can really put things into perspective.

    For the first couple of years of my 7 year relationship I was constantly in a state of self improvement. I was really into fitness, and was always trying to find the next thing to progress my life... then co-dependance creeped in. It was my first serious relationship so I kind of lost myself in the process. My work ethic went down and my spice for life disappeared. I started to collect addictions like candy. Cigarettes, video gaming and even started smoking weed.

    When she left I went into hermit mode for weeks. I didn't talk to anyone but my roommate, and locked myself in my room to think.

    I got through it by sheer thought and self discovery. I stopped spending all of my time playing video games, started working out again and have pretty much kicked the cigarette habit. I also wouldn't touch weed again with a 10 foot pole. I realized what was important in life and how to get it. I'm still in the process of achieving it, but it's getting there. Immediately after she left I started to work harder, got a hefty raise and started to continue my education. I realized I can only depend on myself, and that I had lost that somewhere along the line.

    ISTPs need to be self reliant. We can't depend on others and when we do we become depressed and self conscious (which is WAY out of character for an ISTP). We need to feel both free and useful in order to be healthy. But that's hard for us to realize because we aren't good with feelings. We have to think long and hard to come to this realization, and we usually don't understand what we need until later in the game. We're often late bloomers, and often have to play catch-up with everyone else who already know what they need.

    Just think back to how he was when you first met him, then think back to how he was right before you broke up. Big difference, huh?

    He's not lying to you. Give him some space if he asks for it, he probably needs it more than you know.

    Edit: And, yes, after all of that I still love my ex. It was never her fault I became a zombie. However, unlike yourself, she doesn't want to come back in fear that it will happen again. Which is cool with me, I don't really need her anymore.

  3. #3
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    I can relate completely. Two years ago I was dealing with a lot of personal problems and I was the rebound guy for my ex. I wasted a majority of my life alone in my room, in an obviously screwed up relationship and letting opportunity pass me by. I was far from happy and wanted to cut my losses and end it but being a stupid kid I didn't follow through any of the times I tried to kick her out. When she dumped me I don't know what happened but something finally clicked inside me.

    I started exercising like crazy, meditating and stopped talking to anyone for a week. I think I sent a shitty email at some point to give myself some closure which I got. After that I really started pushing myself to my limits, got extremely focused and became a lot more independent. What I couldn't do for months when my girlfriend lived with me I did in weeks. I forced my way into a job and bounced between warehouse jobs until I got a stable job, then I got registered for college and signed up for classes, dropped 30lbs and I got my drivers licence. I'm just glad I'm back to being a fiercely independent, focused and motivated guy.

    I completely forgot how awesome I was... I missed it so much.
    PseudoRandomness, alionsroar, Tim7 and 5 others thanked this post.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    PersonalityCafe.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Rut, yes. Self hatred, never.

    Though ISTPs and Ti - Ni loops have discussed quite a chunk, so I don't feel like repeating it yet again. Best dig around in the forum.

  6. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    In my ex's case, he actually was in his rut before I met him. Though I guess the pattern is similar: break up leads to moment of realization, need for solitude during inner-reflection. Its so sad (for me) because I really do love the guy, but he was just so unhappy. He has told me that his feelings for me are still present, but that he needs to move on so he can work on himself. So, I need to respect that. Its just very difficult! These posts help me in understanding what he's going through though, so thank you!
    n2freedom, chinotto and redhotchips thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    ^^Thank you guys so much, it's really helpful to hear the whole cycle, especially if we are dealing with someone at some point in it w/ no idea how it will go or what role we are supposed to play or not play.
    n2freedom and redhotchips thanked this post.

  8. #7
    ESTP - The Doers


    ISTP's never hate themselves, they just can't find a solution to a problem and get kind of frustrated.

    Otherwise, yes we get stuck in ruts constantly. One of my solutions is going to the book store and walking through and just looking at all the different magazines in the sports and hobbies section.

    Also for me at least, I have to kind of force myself to do something I once enjoyed. Then I'll kind of break out of it. Its like I've fallen off of a highway of inspiration that was leading somewhere and when I get stuck in a rut I sorta forgot why i was inspired. So if I can remember why I was inspired in the first place that tends to help too.
    tokyovogue, madhatter, n2freedom and 3 others thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by DJArendee View Post
    ISTP's never hate themselves, they just can't find a solution to a problem and get kind of frustrated.

    Its like I've fallen off of a highway of inspiration that was leading somewhere and when I get stuck in a rut I sorta forgot why i was inspired. So if I can remember why I was inspired in the first place that tends to help too.
    Hmm well he definitely is feeling some deep self-loathing. He has told me so. I think its the result of being in a rut for 4-5 years. Good news is that he's coming out of it. I wish I could say I was the girl that stuck by him through thick and thin, but I suspect I'll end up being the girl that he dated during a dark time in his life. ISTPs move past relationships once they've over, right? Blargh (though I say that with respect since I WISH I could just move on).

    With regards to getting back on the highway of inspiration - is it possible to be on that highway AND be in a relationship? I ask in part because I actually struggle with this - when I'm dating I lose a certain sense of freedom which I need desperately in order to feel really inspired. Yet when I'm single and I feel on top of the world, I still have moments where I wish I could share it with a significant other. Is this similar for ISTPs (or for you, DJ)? Or is the highway of inspiration separate from relationships?
    Last edited by tokyovogue; 06-16-2011 at 02:16 PM. Reason: typo
    Seamaid thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ESTP - The Doers


    Yeah pretty much the same. I feel like I lose all aspirations etc. But I also think it depends who I date.

  11. #10
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by DJArendee View Post
    ISTP's never hate themselves, they just can't find a solution to a problem and get kind of frustrated.
    Uh, I hated myself when I was 10-14. And at a point I absolutely loathed myself and everything around me. Now when I'm older I wouldn't hate myself, I've matured into myself (the people who say 18 year old's can't find themselves are lying), but I'm pretty sure than any person who are still finding themself and are confused are fully capable of hating themselves, especially if they do not feel like they're like other people. Though I was depressed, so that might've contributed to it.

    Idk, it sounds too easy to say "ISTP's never hate themselves" because I'm fairly certain that while ISTP's are generally a lot a like, they still can be widely different on some points, and this can be one of them. However, I can see that for most it is just ruts, but I am one of those people that never say never. Everything is possible.


     
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Entps most hated type?
    By Nearsification in forum ENTP Forum- The Visionaries
    Replies: 365
    Last Post: 05-10-2015, 03:35 AM
  2. [INTJ] The most hated group in America
    By intjdude in forum INTJ Forum - The Scientists
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 03-17-2011, 10:34 AM
  3. [ISTJ] What jobs have you hated in the past?
    By Wake in forum ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 09-30-2010, 01:28 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:43 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0