[ISTP] ISTP-ENFP Dilemma (Another)

ISTP-ENFP Dilemma (Another)

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This is a discussion on ISTP-ENFP Dilemma (Another) within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; So I'm just looking for advice as to whether a particular ISTP actually cares about me, and what could be ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    ISTP-ENFP Dilemma (Another)

    So I'm just looking for advice as to whether a particular ISTP actually cares about me, and what could be going through his mind, and ... basically any sort of insight anyone could be able to share :) And I'm really sorry if this gets ramble-y.

    Here goes. So, this ISTP and I have kind of been flirting on and off for about four years. Basically, we would go through "cycles", in a way, where we would text nonstop for a day or two, and then there would be weeks of silence until he would send me another random text, or I would ask him some sort of question via text. We hardly ever saw each other in person so this was our main form of communication. Basically, things built up to the point where he was very direct about wanting to hook up with me, (and I had been crazy about him from the start) but I resisted because I thought just hooking up end up hurting me.

    Anyway, one night I went out to see him, at his request, and I think he was expecting something physical to happen... but it didn't. The next week I saw him, and I went over to talk to him, and he completely ignored me. Like, he acted as if he didn't even see me, and when I asked if he was going to just not respond, he said yeah. So I texted him angrily and he responded basically saying that there was no point talking to me if we weren't ever going to hook up. I was incredibly hurt and stopped talking to him completely. However, in the next few weeks/months, he continued texting me, and he even apologized, and said I deserved better.

    Eventually I responded, and he agreed that we could talk as friends. Then the on and off flirtations continued, and I basically re-initiated the idea of hooking up, although I still wasn't positive that would be a healthy choice for me. But at that point I was just sick of nothing having happened when I liked him so much. So then at one point, we were asking each other questions, and I asked him what something he wouldn't want me to know was. He said "how much he cared about me." I sent back a question mark, and he replied "lots". I think now would be an important time to note that around him, I don't really act like my typical ENFP-ish self. I get really reserved and quiet and awkward around him, and so when I got that text, I basically just changed the subject (probably because I have trust issues). After that, our talking basically went into remission again, and I felt offended that he would say that and then not put any effort into continuing to communicate.

    So, I found an INFP that I liked, but didn't like nearly as much as this ISTP. But I thought this INFP and I actually had a chance at a functional relationship, so we began going out. During this time, I started to talk to the ISTP again. He would continue to hit on me, but I always made it very clear that I wouldn't cheat. Also during this time, I began to start more conversations with the ISTP, when before, it had either been about equal or he had started more. Anyway, I eventually broke up with the INFP because I realized my feelings were the ISTP weren't going to go away. So after that, I told the ISTP that I would hook up with him, and I sent him a picture.

    In the few weeks after sending him the picture, he basically ignored me. I passed him in the halls one day (which is strange, since I don't usually see him), and he didn't say anything. And since I'm not in my normal mode when I see him, I didn't feel comfortable enough to go up to him and find out what the deal was. So I basically just texted him telling him that I no longer wanted to talk to him.

    A little after this is the time when I began seriously lurking on the ENFP-ISTP threads here, and I realized what different styles of communication we have, and I began reevaluating. So I texted him asking him if he had just been "playing" me, and he said no, and he said he didn't recall "not talking" to me, and that his normal MO is just kind of not talking to people that much. He also said that he would begin saying hi to me in the hallways if I wanted him to, and I told him that I did, and that I also expected responses to texts. So I forgave him and we talked for a little bit. Then, around a week later, I texted him saying "hi" and he responded with "uh hi", which I thought was rude. But I pushed forward anyway, and asked if he wanted to hang out later, and we ended up hooking up that night. In the immediate few days after that, he graduated from our high school, and had a lot of things to do, so I realized he was really busy and didn't expect him to say anything for a bit. So I just texted him saying hi about 10 days after we had hooked up, and he responded a day or two later saying that he had been at the beach, which I appreciated, as I figured it was a sign that he was actually putting effort into responding to me and letting me know I wasn't just being ignored. So we flirted a bit, but he didn't ask to hang out again.

    So, I guess my question here is whether or not he still cares about me, the way he said he did a while ago. (About 7 months ago, if that makes a difference). I realize that I probably treated him horribly, just as how from my perspective he was treating me horribly. I know communication is a major issue but I'm trying to be more direct and whatnot. I'm not trying to change him here, just trying to understand him better and know what's going through his head. So I guess my other question would be whether or not I should continue initiating conversations with him, [since he hasn't really started any conversations with me since immediately after I broke up with my ex - around 4 months ago]. I don't want to be that clingy and desperate stalker type, haha. But I definitely want to continue talking to him. :/ So, advice? :)

    Thank you so much to anyone who even bothers to read this, let alone respond, hahaha :)



  2. #2
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    I doubt your ENFP'ness, you made paragraphs and managed to somewhat have a red line throughout them.

    Anyway, you mentioned highschool. I take it you're like 16 / 17 and him as well? In which case I just suggest both of you to move on with your lives and not waste any energy in relationships and love.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Nah, I'm definitely ENFP, the IB formalist writing style has just bred that out of my posts :P

    Thanks for responding :) You have a good point... heh.

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  5. #4
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Quote Originally Posted by Erbse View Post
    I take it you're like 16 / 17 and him as well? In which case I just suggest both of you to move on with your lives and not waste any energy in relationships and love.
    Very much this.
    journeytoforever thanked this post.

  6. #5
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    He doesn't enjoy your company and is only pursuing a chance for sex. Sorry. He even said it himself.

    Leave him in the dust if sex isn't all you want. ISTPs don't ignore people we enjoy being around if they initiate contact... only when they ignore us do we become a ghost. This may sound massively harsh, but if an ISTP doesn't find you useful, they won't go out of their way to talk to you. The only use you have in his eyes is your vagina and the obvious chance he has/had to enter it.

    If he genuinely cared about you he wouldn't stop talking to you.

    Immature ISTPs can be users. (from my own personal experience...)
    journeytoforever and nos302 thanked this post.

  7. #6
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Hmm. Thank you :)

  8. #7

    Yea man, shits gonna get crazy with an immature ISTP. It sounds like he doesn't know what he has, foolish boy. Move on...he will regret his actions in the future as he reviews the information presented and breaks it down over and over till he sees his errors and the truth (that is, if he is an ISTP and has some intelligence). Of course, it will all be too late by the time this happens. I only speak from experience, something very similar happened right when I graduated HS.

    Oh yes, you write very well. Not once did I feel emo and want to /wrist while reading your eloquently presented dilemma. For this, and because I am quite bored today, I will break down this high school dance...errr romance.

    Quote Originally Posted by journeytoforever View Post

    Anyway, one night I went out to see him, at his request, and I think he was expecting something physical to happen... but it didn't. The next week I saw him, and I went over to talk to him, and he completely ignored me. Like, he acted as if he didn't even see me, and when I asked if he was going to just not respond, he said yeah. So I texted him angrily and he responded basically saying that there was no point talking to me if we weren't ever going to hook up. I was incredibly hurt and stopped talking to him completely. However, in the next few weeks/months, he continued texting me, and he even apologized, and said I deserved better.
    Yes, he was horny that night. He was thinking with his dick and than got angry when it didn't turn out as his dick planned. His brain kicked in a day or so later, and he realized how lame he was and was probably deeply ashamed of his actions.

    Quote Originally Posted by journeytoforever View Post
    He said "how much he cared about me." I sent back a question mark, and he replied "lots". I think now would be an important time to note that around him, I don't really act like my typical ENFP-ish self. I get really reserved and quiet and awkward around him, and so when I got that text, I basically just changed the subject (probably because I have trust issues). After that, our talking basically went into remission again, and I felt offended that he would say that and then not put any effort into continuing to communicate.
    It sounds like he let down his wall once and after he did, he was hyper-sensative to any reaction. Silence made him feel like it wasn't worth it, he felt foolish for making himself vulnerable without being rewarded (sounds silly, doesn't it?). Revealing yourself is like risk vs reward, is it worth it to show a part of me that others can than use to hurt me? In this case, he probably felt it wasn't and the walls went back up 2x as high.




    Quote Originally Posted by journeytoforever View Post
    So, I found an INFP that I liked, but didn't like nearly as much as this ISTP. But I thought this INFP and I actually had a chance at a functional relationship, so we began going out. During this time, I started to talk to the ISTP again. He would continue to hit on me, but I always made it very clear that I wouldn't cheat. Also during this time, I began to start more conversations with the ISTP, when before, it had either been about equal or he had started more. Anyway, I eventually broke up with the INFP because I realized my feelings were the ISTP weren't going to go away. So after that, I told the ISTP that I would hook up with him, and I sent him a picture.


    In the few weeks after sending him the picture, he basically ignored me. I passed him in the halls one day (which is strange, since I don't usually see him), and he didn't say anything. And since I'm not in my normal mode when I see him, I didn't feel comfortable enough to go up to him and find out what the deal was. So I basically just texted him telling him that I no longer wanted to talk to him.

    This probably would have worked wonderfully if you had not picked up another dude. That complicates the shit out of the relationship, adds unnecessary drama we don't want to think about and makes us question our initial decision to be involved in it. This combined with previous silence = untrustworthy (doesn't have to be true, prolly just what his gut said). I don't know the details, but I am sure it made him question a lot of things.



    Quote Originally Posted by journeytoforever View Post
    A little after this is the time when I began seriously lurking on the ENFP-ISTP threads here, and I realized what different styles of communication we have, and I began reevaluating.
    HOLY SHIT! You did research and gathered data before forming a question?! GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by journeytoforever View Post
    So I texted him asking him if he had just been "playing" me, and he said no, and he said he didn't recall "not talking" to me, and that his normal MO is just kind of not talking to people that much. He also said that he would begin saying hi to me in the hallways if I wanted him to, and I told him that I did, and that I also expected responses to texts. So I forgave him and we talked for a little bit. Then, around a week later, I texted him saying "hi" and he responded with "uh hi", which I thought was rude. But I pushed forward anyway, and asked if he wanted to hang out later, and we ended up hooking up that night. In the immediate few days after that, he graduated from our high school, and had a lot of things to do, so I realized he was really busy and didn't expect him to say anything for a bit. So I just texted him saying hi about 10 days after we had hooked up, and he responded a day or two later saying that he had been at the beach, which I appreciated, as I figured it was a sign that he was actually putting effort into responding to me and letting me know I wasn't just being ignored. So we flirted a bit, but he didn't ask to hang out again.
    Summer before college, nothing serious is going down. If you want a summer fling, go for it. Don't be afraid to pursue since you already know he feels something towards you, we do like this. But, know this, it will only be more of an emotional roller coaster if you do proceed. It will have dizzying highs and soul crushing lows and not much in between.

    Good luck whatever you choose.
    journeytoforever and nos302 thanked this post.

  9. #8
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    ISTP's don't generally have real relationships until after age 25 or so. This is of course a generalization, and there are always exceptions, but it doesn't sound to me like your lover boy is one.
    Erbse and journeytoforever thanked this post.

  10. #9
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    Quote Originally Posted by Khys View Post
    ISTP's don't generally have real relationships until after age 25 or so. This is of course a generalization, and there are always exceptions, but it doesn't sound to me like your lover boy is one.
    I started trying "relationships" at 19, but I never truly cared until I was 21.
    journeytoforever thanked this post.

  11. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by precurser View Post

    Summer before college, nothing serious is going down. If you want a summer fling, go for it. Don't be afraid to pursue since you already know he feels something towards you, we do like this. But, know this, it will only be more of an emotional roller coaster if you do proceed. It will have dizzying highs and soul crushing lows and not much in between.

    Good luck whatever you choose.
    Thank you so much for outlining everything! The breakdown definitely helped. So, to surmise, what you're basically saying is that he previously cared, but forced himself to stop that when I didn't react in a more positive manner? That makes sense... I think I'm just going to keep talking to him to see what happens. Like you said, anything romantic/more than a fling is probably out of the question, but he's an interesting person and it would be nice to continue to talk to him/be around him. Thanks again for your response :)
    barathrum thanked this post.


     
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