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Ask an ISTP

[ISTP] 
102K views 969 replies 228 participants last post by  Loaf 
#1 ·
I didn't see a similar thread in our forum so I guess this is stolen from the other type's forums. It's pretty self-explanatory, so go ahead. Ask.
 
#2 ·
What does an ISTP really mean when they say: I love you and other things
I am new to this site for a couple months. It has been sanity saving in dealing with my ISTP girlfriend. We have been together for 2.5 years on and off.. mainly on. The only times apart were one season for a few months when i truly didn't understand what was going on during a "silent time". Excuse my ignorance as I learn about the personality differences between us.. I am an INFJ for sure and have learned through much wisdom on this site how to navigate with her. She is wonderful (most of the time) but is a horrible communicator. Doesn't like questions etc as we all know. Each time apart she has came back to me in full chase mode. I am quite able to give her the space she needs up to a point. A few months ago she went silent again.. she is a full time student at 45 yoa and has been divorced for 15 years. I have been divorced for 10 years. We have tons in common and have the best times together. She is trying to get her degree and struggles very much with her studies. I try to be supportive with whatever she may need. I try to be near but not too near during the heavy class times. Her day job is stressful as well and she is a very hard worker. Back to the story.. about 2 months ago after several weeks of time to herself (we would still chat). She asked to go out.. i was prepared to tell her this wasn't working.. during the evening we had about 3 drinks and she just opened up and said she loved me and that i was everything she wanted and wanted to marry me someday, to just be patient with her. This was the first time she had ever expressed this to me. I asked why now and she said she wanted me to know and that she knew she was losing me. The past months since then have been better than before and amazing. School is starting and she got angry over something very simple and now is in the silent mode.. I just don't know what to do or believe. Please help.. Thanks ahead of time of all ISTPs who read and respond and to those who have been in a similar situation.
 
#3 ·
What does an ISTP really mean when they say: I love you and other things.
usually, if an istp says they love you, it is certainly sincere. I know at least for me, that i don't really throw it around. Saying it all the time gives less meaning for me. i show it with my actions. At least with me.
although i am unfamiliar in the ways of alcohol.
 
#6 · (Edited)
@dbmadison
She loves you. She just has other priorities. 'We' tend to have a certain level of tunnel vision. Clearly her focus is school and that is where she directs her energy because its important to her. She conveyed what she did to you because she cares. She did relay to you her needs which is that she needs to focus on this stuff right now, but does want you for the long haul. I would not confuse the short run. If she is stressed about school starting up and short and more distant. You already conveyed you know the reasons. So then stop dwelling on something momentary is my suggestion. If you focus too much on these things it could push her away. That said you are human and have needs too. So I would maybe convey that you understand the need for her focus to be on school work primarily for now and that over all you do not plan on disrupting that, but that you hope for her to compromise just a bit so you can have the quality time with her you value even if only for a little bit once a week.

I dont know not to be rude but you seem to be maybe being slightly hypersensitive and emotionally reactive to her just going thru a busy time in her life. I know I sound biased as ISTP, but I am not saying that as ISTP. I am saying that just as a person hearing your worry over this. I am not sure I get it.

I think she wants you in her life but does not want pressure right now to prioritize you when shes working on her degree. (You must be able to understand that?). Guessing since she is 45 years old, and divorced 15 years that she obviously put her education off earlier in life maybe raising a family or tending to hubby, and now is her time to pursue her dreams putting herself first, right? (imagining anyways-frankly I can relate to that if thats the case and commend her approach to fulfilling her enrichment needs before putting others first later in life) You were married previous hopefully you have your own enrichment goals and growth you want that has nothing to do with her that you can pursue? Instead of focusing on where she is so much?
 
#9 ·
Thanks cinnamon and mightmin. your insight is much appreciated. I will take your advice. The long term is what i am more concerned with. as you know about infj types. a bit hypersensitive and reactive is true. a bit raw as i have explained clearly my goals to her and it seems at times she has no care or concern for them. I have been very open and patient for quite some time and hardly ever confront her about anything. she talks of living together in fun conversation and marriage plans in the same light way. I soooo appreciated your time and words
 
#16 ·
I think the only available method I could think of at the moment is by looking at the ISTP's body language. Most of the time "me time" is about lounging around, being relaxed or actively indulging in some activity of interest. In anger, you have to look for contempt, either by an ISTP ignoring your presence constantly or turning his/her back on you. As for rejection, you may have to look out for lose of interest in things, people or places he/she used to be fully obsess with. Is there an uncharacteristic change or is it a temporary thing that would return to normal within a few days?
 
#28 ·
If you have a close friend who is making strong requests of you that make you feel uncomfortable (for a one off scenario, not a continuous stream of demands) do you:

a) Swallow your pride and go along with them?
b) Go along with them but visibly show some, frustration, cynicism and/or sarcasm?
c) Go along partially but draw the line where you feel your values are being most strongly undermined?
d) Decline all requests directly (at risk of straining the friendship in the longer term)?
e) Completely ignore them?
f) Flip out and do something drastic (at risk of damaging the friendship in the longer term)?
 
#37 · (Edited)
Okay. Draft time:

Q: Why is the ISTP so quiet and distant?
A: 1. We are thinking.
2. We don't care much for smalltalk.
3. We are not particularly expressive when it comes to affection.
One thing to remember is that just because we are quiet and distant, it doesn't mean that we hate you.
Q: Is a [insert personality type here] compatible with an ISTP?
A: Any type is compatible with another type. Each type will bring different challenges, but it can work if both parties are willing to cooperate.
Q: How do I get along with an ISTP?
A: Find a fun activity. Don't bore us with meaningless smalltalk and go outside and do something. Get those limbs moving. If you have an interesting thing to talk about, then feel free to discuss. It is also highly unadvisable to attempt to control an ISTP. We are very independent individuals and we will resist being controlled.
Q: My ISTP is an asshole.
A: Not really a question, but ask yourself:
1. Was the assholery warranted?
2. Can you differentiate between blunt honesty and blatant assholery?
If you answered "Yes" to 1, then it's mostly on you after all. If we were merely being blunt, then that is because we have little patience for bullshit and prefer to get the point across in a direct manner. Plus if we truly value you as a person, then we think it would be a disservice to be dishonest.
Q: How can I communicate with ISTPs?
A: Be direct/straightforward and concise. If you can say something in two words, refrain from using three thousand.
Q: Have I offended my ISTP?
A: Have you:
1. Caused a genocide?
2. Purposely destroyed their valued possessions?
3. Betrayed them?
4. Hurt people they care about?
5. Reached the point of no return regarding your stupidity?
If your answer to the above questions is a no, then most likely you have not offended them.

Will edit whenever I think of new things...
 
#40 ·
Something very confusing happened today. When I first found out about this personality theory stuff, I tested as an INTP and sometimes as an ENTP and left it at that. However, you rarely here about those NT types being good with their hands and being artistic sorts do you?

I took a test for the first time in ages today and was shocked to come out as an ISTP? It's not changed my life, as I'm still the same person, but it's quite a leap. So, hello to all you ISTPs.

Also, I never come to this sub-form to say hello and don't know much about you peeps. :happy:
 
#41 ·
Any type can be good with their hands but ESTP/ISTP are going to be much more common of course.
I know that @johnnyyukon is an ENTP and likes to be one of us sometimes :tongue:

I've read that ISTPs mistype often but I do not know you personally so, I cannot say.

Almost every personality test I have taken has given me ISTP. One recently gave me INTJ and although I know myself better than that. I did find it intriguing.

Any way, hello and welcome.
Enjoy your stay or something like that.
 
#43 ·
@Wytch and @Cinnamon83 Thanks. ISTP isn't something I'd given much though to, but although ISTP is often called the mechanic, But I've seen it called the artisan. I've never really heard of anyone over at the NT forum talk about tinkering for hours making things or drawing. As a kid, I spent hours perfecting the art of drawing and hours making things. I love nature and biology was interesting at school, but maths bored me senseless and I have no interest in it apart from what I need it for in daily life. The NTs seem to really like maths.

A T is still a T.

Is an STP more likely to be into contact sports that an NTP do you reckon?
 
#44 · (Edited)
I would suggest reading up on ISTPs. We're not just "mechanics", nor are we just the "artisans/craftsmen".
The "Mechanics" title is more-so how our mind works but yes obviously many of us are good at fixing things.
Our dominant function is Ti after all, which we share with the INTPs.
Many ISTPs can like and do well in Math.

I can't say as much for the NTPs but yes STPs are known for being athletic.
ESTPs would be viewed more as the jocks and the ISTPs as the nerdy jocks.

If that makes sense.
 
#50 ·
Reasons


Calling all ISTP's! Your Brother in arms needs your help and requires your input.

Do you need a reason to do things?

I frequently find that I need a reason to justify doing something. For example I could never just get in my car and drive. I'd have a place to go / a thing to do. If i'm on a trip, i need a place to go if I wanted to detour. Even if I want to just step outside, I need a reason for that as well (to get fresh air).

This seems to run anti-parallel to the whole "Heat of the moment" spontaneity thing we do, but also seems to line up with the efficiency and not wasting energy thing we also do.

So, now I restate my question. Do you frequently have to find excuses or reasons to do things?
 
#51 ·
I wouldn't say that it's a matter of whether or not we have a reason. We always have a reason, be it subconscious or conscious, arbitrary or reasonable, valid or not so valid. I think the answer lies in what kind of reasons we have, and more specifically, in regards to your question, how productive that reason is. When decide to go and drive somewhere just for the sake of driving, you do it because you enjoy driving or perhaps just want to enjoy the scenery while you're driving. When you go out for some fresh air, you go out because you enjoy the sensation of breathing in fresh air, and so on. That being said, these reasons more often than not tend to be arbitrary, so your mileage may vary.
To answer your question with that in mind, I'd say that there are things I do for enjoyment, and there are things I do for practicality, though they are not mutually exclusive. I wouldn't go out of my way to find reasons to do something, and there are things I won't do even if I had good reasons to. I have to imagine, though, that it's pretty much like this for everyone, so my overall answer would be a definite no.
 
#54 ·
Last summer. I'd gotten a temp job at the Taste of Chicago at a food stand, and was pretty excited to make some extra money. Because why not, right? Anyway, I'd gotten the most sales out of everyone the first day, and this one chick was jealous of me or something, idk. Some bitches are downright petty, but yeah. She told a lie about me to the boss, and since I was new and she wasn't, it was her word over mine. Boss pretty much fired me in front of everyone and I was so humiliated and angry.

Needless to say, I lost my temper because I kept thinking about the situation as the day went by, and decided to wait until that girl's shift was done. Since I was seeing red at this point, I backhanded her snooty ass when I saw her getting onto the subway platform.
 
#77 ·
Yes, I've seen the Sherlock ones.

INTJ and ISTPs both seem to have a particular kind of logic. My partner is very good at the fixing and networking side of computers rather than software and great with handy stuff round the house.

I just can't work out my type. I thought I was an INTP, which fits pretty well, but I get really depressed if I'm on my own too much so wondered about ENTP. Then again, people really piss me off if I spend too much time with them. I've wondered about ISTP and even ISFP as I can be quite sensitive too. I suppose it doesn't matter.
Edit, Enneagram seems to be really interesting. Have you got any thoughts about your type @Wytch? I think it might be better than MBTI.
 
#88 ·
Typing oneself is hard. I went from 7w6 to 9w8 to 3w4 to 5w6.
 
#89 ·
Finding my core number wasn't as difficult as finding my tri-type.
When you add in all the wings it can get so similar.
 
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