This is a discussion on Ask an istp a relationship question thread within the ISTP Forum - The Mechanics forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Originally Posted by Supercav "It depends. Because <insert an alphabet of reasons>" :D Basically....
Personally, as mentioned, it's very situational... it can be the person, the time, the place, or just about anything really. If I'm in a familiar environment or scenario... or some place where I have something obvious to talk about, talkative me comes out. But, when it comes to people, certain people make me feel more comfortable than others, and it won't matter how long I've known them. It has to do with temperament, attitude, etc. For instance, I have a good relationship with both of my siblings, but I'm naturally more inclined to vent to my ENFP brother than my INFP sister, because ... well my sister is excellent at making me feel awkward, whereas I never feel called out or put on the spot with my brother. I can get on the phone and talk to my sister for an hour easy (she lives far away), but I'm probably not going to talk about anything emotionally deep... or emotional at all, really.I do notice that he is more expressive towards some people more than others, so my next question is ( not romantically related bc I'm not seeking advice) do u feel that it depends on the individual when it comes to what you're comfortable with sharing or is it more along the line of time and place?
My reason for asking is because I notice that my husband can either be very talkative or aloof towards different individuals and it doesnt deal much with how close or how long he knows them. Just wondering if this is common among the type.
If I'm around someone that I can tell is very emotionally sensitive, I will probably resort to a state of aloofness out of fear of saying something that will accidentally offend/hurt them. I can usually peg an Fi dom by a look in their eye, and instantly go on red alert. (That's not to say I have no "deep" relationships with Fi doms.. I've recently grown closer to an ISFP.) I also for some reason get a lot more talkative (in a general sense) around really quiet, serious people. And then there's vibes. People have different vibes. Good vibe = talkative me. Bad vibe = aloof me.
My husband and I communicate quite well and have never engaged in a loud argument-nor do we avoid conflicted situations and he's very comfortable opening up to me , he's my bff. With all that said I don't think mbti matters much on choosing whom you're attracted , so long as expectations connection and energy level are aligned - itll be smooth sailing
Istp and infp seems to be one of the most common relationships that I've seen here ( I'm not an infp btw) I assume that istp are magnetically drawn to infps
Good and Bad vibes make sense- I think that's common among everyone
I'm close to many Ti dom and I notice that their mood swing from quiet and aloof to extremely talkative quite often - apparently when I approached the topic they seem to notice it as well but don't really know where it is stemming from - do you think this is related to inferior fe ( I'm more curious about the functions - since I'm not seeking advice about these individuals)
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It's interesting that you're saying this... There's a relatively well known conflict between ISTPs and INFPs... Or at the very least, I've seen many ISTPs complain incessantly about INFPs, and heard other INFPs mention this issue as well.Istp and infp seems to be one of the most common relationships that I've seen here ( I'm not an infp btw) I assume that istp are magnetically drawn to infpsI agree with this, although I have noticed some general tendencies between certain types.With all that said I don't think mbti matters much on choosing whom you're attractedJust to clarify.. you're saying that you've asked other ISTPs why they swing from talkative to aloof and they don't know either?apparently when I approached the topic they seem to notice it as well but don't really know where it is stemming from - do you think this is related to inferior fe
Yes.. inferior Fe would be playing into this... I don't think it takes a whole lot for me to essentially go back into lock down from a social standpoint. Anything causing me to second guess myself or my behavior will bring about inferior Fe paranoia or doubts, whether that be a mood change, a particular person, a change in the atmosphere or social dynamic, or I just have nothing more to say on the current subject. I also tend to get quieter around very rambunctious or loud people. Essentially, if there's someone doing a lot of interrupting, I'm probably not going to try talking. If I have to yell to talk (whether due to distance or a noisy room), I probably won't bother trying. Etc. If I'm cut off mid-thought or sentence, I may completely lose what I was thinking/going to say and return to being quiet (But that's Ti-Ni, not Fe). People that cut in a lot kill me.
Of course there are always physical factors...like tiredness. When I reach a certain level of tired, my Fe effectively shuts off, all doubts are gone, and I can say anything and everything without hesitation. It's wonderful and dangerous all at the same time.
It's also possible that our Ti is running something when we quiet down as well. Distracted, essentially. Something was said that our brains grabbed and started analyzing.
Last edited by Hunter1611; 06-21-2019 at 08:53 PM.
* thanks for explaining- I do notice a lot of what you stated similar to the Istps that I know irl -
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Oh and I just realized. I talk way easier when I'm doing something at the same time. Conversation purely for the sake of it can be a struggle. Conversation during activity is incredibly easy.* thanks for explaining- I do notice a lot of what you stated similar to the Istps that I know irl -
Kinda need help on rationalizing with my ti dom husband and nothing seems to work bc he thinks Iím making up excuses however Iím being dead serious
My car broke down over the weekends - and my husband told me he will borrow his friends car for me to drive that night , and that Iíll see the car when I wake up in the morning .
The car he borrowed was an 8 seater SUV - I have never driven a large car before in my entire life - my daughter school is on a busy street and I have to go during morning traffic hour to drop her off ( 25 minutes of traffic ) - I didnít want to jeopardize her life and mine bc I donít understand the interior of the suv and itís not my car - so I decided to Uber instead
Last night he got really upset at me bc he had to borrow his friends car ( I never asked or suggested ) and told me that I need to drive that car back to his friends house ( which is 1.5 hour north of where we live ) with him and heíll drive us home - it was 12 am ( my husband gets off of work at 1130pm) - I told him that I have work at 630 in the morning ( I run a family child practice/preschool) and that I donít feel safe driving an suv - especially to an unknown place that Iíve never been at midnight . He got mad telling me that I prefer taking the easy way out ( I told him that I could get into a serious car accident if I were to drive the vehicle )
I showed him the article online for first time SUV driver and I told him that Iím very sleepy ( he woke me up from deep sleep) and that itís dangerous for me to drive . He let me sleep in and said I better drive the car tonight and stop making excuses bc it took him a long time to get the car and itís only fair that I return it - then he gave me a silent treatment - which no offense I find pretty immature of him .
How could I explain it to him so that he would understand that Iím not being lazy but being cautious ?
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Last edited by ai.tran.75; 07-24-2019 at 08:04 AM.
Can I ask one about a relationship, though not romantic or a friendship, but some weird in-between friends/acquaintances?
There is/was an ISTP who I didn't work with directly but would see often, and we eventually got to talking (him coming to find/strike up conversation, after a strange icebreaker). Talks were never personal but also not about smalltalk. Eventually, after a few months of knowing him, I suggest that we do something outside of work. Before I could list off some activities, I'm not told no, but might as well have? I end up ignoring him when we cross paths, as I was off-put by his reasoning, and he eventually avoids me as well with some occasional talks initiated by him.
More recently, he's strangely been a bit pushy about getting my attention and made efforts when I pretend I don't hear him call out for me. I guess I'm sorta wondering why he is trying, when I figured he written me off already. What causes him to try and rekindle after I feel like there was no desire to want to get to know me/spend time/shoot the shit?
Last edited by HyperRoyalty; 07-30-2019 at 01:35 PM. Reason: typo
Hi there - I've read through a lot of threads and a lot of your advice has been super helpful with improving communication with an ISTP man that I'm interested in. However, I need a little bit more advice if this is something I should consider to pursue or move on.
Here is the situation:
- We met from an online app about 5 months ago. We met once and then I left to travel for a while and we didn't really speak for about 3 months. After I came back, we connected again through social media and decided to meet up.
- For about 3-4 weeks straight, we met up to do something about once a week (always initiated by me - usually something active like rock climbing). We would have short text convos here and there (some initiated by him). The 4th time, we made out and cuddled all night.
- On the 5th week, we ended up hooking up and I spent the night. All was fine. It was fun and he was super sweet (non-verbally of course).
- Since we hooked up it has been complete radio silence from him. After hooking up, I reached out to hang out a few times and he kept saying no or he'd ignore my messages (usually he'd suggest another day or give me a detailed reason why he couldn't).
- Finally, about 3 weeks after hooking up I reached out to hang out again and he invited me over to watch a movie and it was simply that - a fun, relaxing time to watch a movie - everything seemed normal.
- Again, it's been complete radio silence since (about a week now). We are both traveling for the holidays and I know he hates texting so I haven't reached out much.
Do you have any advice here?
I thought things were going fine until we hooked up and his interactions seemed to change. We aren't in an exclusive relationship. I would normally be more direct in-person, but since I've been seeing him so infrequently I don't want to seem like I have some hidden agenda to hang out with him. I genuinely want to get to know him better but I'm unsure with this change of behavior. Now it kind of seems that if I were to stop reaching out all together that I would never hear from him again.
In case it matters - I'm an ENTP