Bored/to much boring stuff to study. I decided to come up with a theory, but first I need data to see if I can find any patterns or if it is not related to type.
I want to determinate if type has relationship on how you prefer to be told someone likes you. My initial hypothesis is that Fe/Fi dom/aux types prefer to be told they are loved (I mean, "I like you, do you want to date me/go out with me?") verbally and types that have Fe as a shadow function prefer to be told by email/message/letter/any written way because they need time for processing the information and elaborating a satisfactory (for themselves) answer.
Another thing I'm thinking about is this difference in extraverts and introverts. I addition, P types may prefer the written because they have time to decide/are not pressed to make decision. If someone has any suggestions feel free to say them.
Not so accurate at least in my case. Even if it was someone I liked, I'd hate to be put on the spot like that. I'm someone who needs time to process it all and then make a decision.
Sending a note sounds like grade school, a letter? a good one? . . . . that could be hot.
I think you have to test the waters a little, maybe some kidding around hint - but letting me give
out a clue about if I'm thinking that way at all. I hate it if a guy blurts that kind of thing out,
if it seems out of the blue - like WTF? I -thought we just went out to coffee a couple times.
Any of the methods would be fine and not matter which, as long as you lead up to it and if I know you were maybe leading up to it, over the course of a few dates or weeks ( I mean saying a first I Love you is a big deal ^ see process above.).
Is that asking too much from a guy to think about it that much?
Just a Date? start with one casual thing and then say how would you feel about going or doing - whatever.
But the first date is a non dateish shorter thing, not a big commitment. Course if you already know each other more like work together then you can ask would you like to go out sometime or you can ask about a specific. Written asking for a date? Nooooo that sounds like you are a teenage giggly girl.
As INFJ naturally I hate to hurt ppl's feelings, especially face to face (like, turning a date request down), therefore I used to prefer written.
However, I am challenging self to face potentially uncomfortable situations such as being asked out by a guy I am not interested in. I want to look him in the eyes to thank him and to gently say no because I don't want to waste his time (and my time) and money.
polite excuse + no encouragement or follow up niceness = I'm not interested
To most people doesn't it?
Of course then if things are awkward and you see this person at work or something -you have to figure out an icebreaker that
won't get taken the wrong way.
I mean if you have an actual conflict it is easy enough to say somehow that you would like to in a strong enough way and then explain the reason why the timing is actually bad and not an excuse.
And a shorter polite excuse without much to it lets the other person save face.
I have tertiary Fe, and P, and I prefer one-on-one verbal interaction in this sort of situation. I prefer to get my acceptance, or rejection, in person.
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